Tuesday, May 25, 2010

So they do miss me after all

I got a very nice card from a couple at church which, of course, has me re-thinking quitting church.  I guess I do miss it and them, even though I don't believe anymore.  I'm not committing to anything right now because I'm on day three of hardly any sleep so my thinking isn't coherent or logical at present.  But I do think this time away has helped me solidify my beliefs and de-tox from the painful poison of Christianity, leaving maybe some more pleasant memories of it.  Zach is finished, though, and I don't intend to try to change his mind.  To be honest, there is really nothing there for him.  No one his age.  No activities for him.  I'll make up my mind at a later date though.

It would be nice if I could keep part of my heritage while enjoying the newness and beauty of Paganism.  I can't see myself ever believing in the God of Christianity though.  Or at least not in Jesus.  But I don't want to hang onto something because I'm too afraid to give it up.  I never want to be in bondage to fear ever again.

I am exhausted from lack of sleep and the heat (the heat wave appears to have broken now) so I'm not in a good place to make decisions. Or any sense for that matter.  In the meantime it's time for me to go to bed.  I hope to get some sleep finally.


  1. I'm hoping you're getting some sleep! I'm glad someone tried to contact you from the church. It's a caring gesture.

  2. No sleep yet aside from the 13 hour marathon, but that link you sent me on facebook really made a lot of sense as to why no one is getting any sleep.

    I love that they contacted me on one hand but on the other it feels like a pull back and I'm leery of being manipulated. Not that she would intentionally do it, but it's such a subconscious thing people do in social situations like that.