Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Getting there

Today was such a strange day.  I was all...wrong.  I felt so off-centered that I couldn't accomplish anything.  I finally did some rearranging of my room, which is so crowded that I can't move around in it, to bring my altar out of the moldy corner where I can use it without squeezing into position.  It feels better this way so I hope I can center myself again and get things done.

I did a lot of thinking today about starting up my own business relating to Paganism.  I have ideas but nothing that is original.  I seem to have lost that part of my brain since chemo.  Or maybe it's been gone since I've had fibromyalgia.  At any rate, I realized that it will take a few years to build it up to anything that is paying off, but I'm not sure that is my goal.  I think my goal is to be creative and productive.  I do realize that it would be nice if I could bring some money into the house beyond all the frugal things I do, but I don't want that to be my primary motivation.  That puts so much stress on me I feel paralyzed and can't move...or think...or produce.

At any rate talking things out with a good...no, a best...friend, has helped the panic I feel whenever I think about putting my goods out there in the public eye.  How do people get confidence anyway?

I did try to get some seeds planted but it's a good thing I did some research first as I need certain things before I put them in pots.  Yes, pots.  Apparently they won't do well in our soil and won't winter over because of the harsh winters we have.  So I need a few more pots and some dirt and someplace to put everything.  And everything needs full sun so there are few places in the yard I can do that.

More and more I'm thinking against putting a vegetable garden in.  My tobacco plants are nearly all dead, along with the tomato plants.  Only the green pepper plants are doing well.  I need a place for the containers and the place behind the garage is really the best place for them.

Much thinking to do about that tomorrow.


  1. I'm sorry your crops didn't make it. I've had a few things die on me as well. I just planted sunflower seeds and hope they turn out because it will be so pretty.

    I found out that the local Master Gardening class is only about 250.00 so I'm going to take that and learn how to plant in this pacific northwest weather. It's tricky.

  2. I think part of it is not having a good place inside to grow the seedlings. We are bursting at the seams and I have no flat spaces, especially where the cat won't jump in and eat my seedlings. I might look at setting up a light and place in the basement for next year. In the meantime I'm going to plant what I can. I just hate the idea of wasting all that money I used to grow what I have left.

    They have master gardening courses at the senior center in the next town but it's more expensive if you're not living in the city limits. I'll just have to use the library and do the best I can.