Today was such a strange day. I was all...wrong. I felt so off-centered that I couldn't accomplish anything. I finally did some rearranging of my room, which is so crowded that I can't move around in it, to bring my altar out of the moldy corner where I can use it without squeezing into position. It feels better this way so I hope I can center myself again and get things done.
I did a lot of thinking today about starting up my own business relating to Paganism. I have ideas but nothing that is original. I seem to have lost that part of my brain since chemo. Or maybe it's been gone since I've had fibromyalgia. At any rate, I realized that it will take a few years to build it up to anything that is paying off, but I'm not sure that is my goal. I think my goal is to be creative and productive. I do realize that it would be nice if I could bring some money into the house beyond all the frugal things I do, but I don't want that to be my primary motivation. That puts so much stress on me I feel paralyzed and can't move...or think...or produce.
At any rate talking things out with a good...no, a best...friend, has helped the panic I feel whenever I think about putting my goods out there in the public eye. How do people get confidence anyway?
I did try to get some seeds planted but it's a good thing I did some research first as I need certain things before I put them in pots. Yes, pots. Apparently they won't do well in our soil and won't winter over because of the harsh winters we have. So I need a few more pots and some dirt and someplace to put everything. And everything needs full sun so there are few places in the yard I can do that.
More and more I'm thinking against putting a vegetable garden in. My tobacco plants are nearly all dead, along with the tomato plants. Only the green pepper plants are doing well. I need a place for the containers and the place behind the garage is really the best place for them.
Much thinking to do about that tomorrow.