Monday, May 24, 2010

Kathy's inferno

I'm feeling grumpy and not particularly spiritual today.  We're having temperatures in the 90s F and I'm just not prepared for it.  Both pets are miserable: Hannibal was hiding under my bed all day and Professor was panting until I thought he was going to explode.  And the air conditioner wouldn't work.

The weekend was busy and productive for Tom but not me as I didn't get a lot of sleep so the cleaning up from the weekend hasn't happened.  No sleep plus too much heat makes me totally useless.

He did enjoy the fairy garden area I have started setting up.  I saw him outside last night and popped out for just a few minutes to find him watching a hawk soar over the neighbor-up-the-hill-across-the-highway's house.  And he was particularly entranced by a star until I pointed out it was Venus.  Then he seemed to lose interest.

It's definitely too hot to light candles today but I still spent some time sprawled across the bed between two fans blowing while trying to meditate on the triple Goddess picture above the altar.  Sadly I don't meditate well when I'm overheated.

Tonight I hope to get some cleaning done if it cools off enough.  When my world is in chaos, my spiritual life is in chaos.  And the whole house right now is a wreck so I'm unfocused and drifting with doubts and uncertainties.  I suppose that's to be expected anyway considering I lived nearly my whole life completely confident that I knew the truth.  Only to find out I didn't.

In some ways, though, the uncertainties feel pretty good.  Not having all the answers seems safer right now because it leaves me some space to find the truth I need to find.  Not holding hard and fast to anything feels freer.  I'm not bound to or by anything or anyone.

Oh not too lucid today unfortunately.  Normally I do okay with the heat but this is too soon in the year and we're too fresh from having had to use the furnace.  I need more time to adapt.

Back to the bed because it's the coolest place in the house right now.


  1. I've been so out of it this week. And kind of busy. I'm sorry it was so hot. Ugh, I don't do well in the heat. And I don't do well when things are messy either. :)

  2. You'd think I'd keep up in order not to go through all that chaotic turmoil. And yet I don't. I let it pile up.