I'm feeling grumpy and not particularly spiritual today. We're having temperatures in the 90s F and I'm just not prepared for it. Both pets are miserable: Hannibal was hiding under my bed all day and Professor was panting until I thought he was going to explode. And the air conditioner wouldn't work.
The weekend was busy and productive for Tom but not me as I didn't get a lot of sleep so the cleaning up from the weekend hasn't happened. No sleep plus too much heat makes me totally useless.
He did enjoy the fairy garden area I have started setting up. I saw him outside last night and popped out for just a few minutes to find him watching a hawk soar over the neighbor-up-the-hill-across-the-highway's house. And he was particularly entranced by a star until I pointed out it was Venus. Then he seemed to lose interest.
It's definitely too hot to light candles today but I still spent some time sprawled across the bed between two fans blowing while trying to meditate on the triple Goddess picture above the altar. Sadly I don't meditate well when I'm overheated.
Tonight I hope to get some cleaning done if it cools off enough. When my world is in chaos, my spiritual life is in chaos. And the whole house right now is a wreck so I'm unfocused and drifting with doubts and uncertainties. I suppose that's to be expected anyway considering I lived nearly my whole life completely confident that I knew the truth. Only to find out I didn't.
In some ways, though, the uncertainties feel pretty good. Not having all the answers seems safer right now because it leaves me some space to find the truth I need to find. Not holding hard and fast to anything feels freer. I'm not bound to or by anything or anyone.
Oh not too lucid today unfortunately. Normally I do okay with the heat but this is too soon in the year and we're too fresh from having had to use the furnace. I need more time to adapt.
Back to the bed because it's the coolest place in the house right now.