Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Breaking through the chaos

Zach has had an awakening with his spirituality after months of apathy and lethargy.  He's asked me not to be specific at this stage, but generally he will be learning folk magic and celebrating the Wheel of the Year.  Since I, too, intend to learn and practice folk magic, we'll be working together some of the time and I've assured him I would be pleased to celebrate the Sabbats with him.  He, in turn, plans on sharing some of my Hellenic feasts as well.  For the most part, though, I  plan to keep magic distinct from my worship of the gods although not separate.  If that makes any sense.  I know many of the reconstructionists believe it's hubris to practice magic and I do respect their viewpoint on it.  I just don't happen to share it.

Zach is busy organizing his room, trying to find some kind of order in there.  It's not easy for him because he has OCD.  Clinical OCD, not the fashionable kind where people insist they have it because they're picky about something.  OCD can be very debilitating and not everyone who has it is a neat freak.  Zach's chaos is very important to him and for him to give it up is a huge thing.  So far, so good.  No meltdowns like the last time he tried this.

I'm trying to wade through the chaos in the rest of the house, not having OCD but having enormous fatigue and stress from now having both parents in care:  Mom in the nursing home and Daddy in the hospital.  It may very well be that I said good bye to both parents when I was down there.  Still, it's important for me to find that order in my life because I can't deal with the stress from that if the stress from a chaotic home is overwhelming me.  And it is.  I have had multiple trips to town this week running errands, paying bills, picking up things I forgot to get last trip.  And then my coffee pot carafe exploded today as my husband was pouring me a cup.  I had actually been wanting a bigger one as mine was only 4 cups and I drink more than that (and Zach drinks decaf with me) but couldn't justify it.  I guess the gods found a way for me to justify it.  Got to love their humor even if it is my money they are playing with.

I've had some really good connections with the gods since committing to them.  I had a brief ritual in which I did that...with a bit of fear involved since making a commitment is a serious undertaking.  But I felt I was ready.  And I have no regrets about it.  It doesn't mean that things won't change in the future; it just means that now I can focus on this instead of worrying about hopping off in another direction.  I no longer feel pulled in two and that is a great feeling!

Tonight will be just normal ritual:  prayers, reading from different books and some quiet time with the candles and incense.  And then an early night so I can get up and get busy tomorrow.  At least I hope it's an early night.  The roads are a bit treacherous with drifting snow and now it's snowing again so I hope Tom can make it home safely in the truck...which as we all know is crap on snow.  I don't know if I will be able to sleep until he's safely inside the door.  I think some time at Hermes's/threshold altar is called for.  And I should thank him for helping me get safely home as we saw two accidents today.  I normally only see one a year.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Changes come with commitment

In light of my decision to commit to the Greek gods, I changed...or rather just altered...the title of the blog.  I love the title A Cacophony of Crows because I still feel that connection with both the birds and the goddess they represent:  Hecate.  However, I also loved the title when I was honoring the Greeks before:  Beware of Greeks bearing luggage, which really does describe their initial descent into my Pagan life.  Although they've really been a part of my whole life to a greater or lesser degree, but this was the first time they had wandered into my life with the intentions of worship.  I liked that title, too, so I just combined them.  It's really more of a description of my spiritual life now.

I had amazing times at the altar the past couple of days.  I'm not usually connected to Dionysus.  I can't drink alcohol because of my meds, although I can take a sip or two a day, and my party days are long past me.  I'm a homebody, not into wild abandon.  But as this is Anthesteria, I thought I should try to find something about him that was positive and that I could feel connected to.  And I did find some things.  His connection to theater is a big one for me as I'm a fan of movies, theater and such.  He's also the protector of those who don't fit in with conventional society...which would be me again.  Although he's associated with things chaotic and ecstatic, I can still appreciate those without becoming either myself.

There is some controversy about whether or not he's one of the 12, as some believe that Robert Graves did a lot of selective inventions when he wrote his mythology.  I'm on the fence as I haven't studied the matter for myself yet.  But I do intend to because I spent a lifetime believing things without question.  And one of my problems with other pantheons is the influence of Christian monks re-writing the history and mythologies of the people they have forced conversions on. I wouldn't want to accept something only to find out later it was an invention.

I had dvr'd a bunch of episodes of Hercules because I never watched it when it was on originally.  Not a huge fan though.  I like those episodes where they don't take themselves seriously and the humor is good, but I'm not a fan of the gods-are-evil theme that runs through it.  Still, it's just a show and sometimes the stories are fun.  Not to mention it's fun to watch the Australian/New Zealand actors I've seen in other shows, like LOTR and Farscape

I have Wrath of the Titans on dvr but haven't watched it yet.  I've got both versions of Clash of the Titans and while I prefer the original for mythology, the newer version has Mads Mikklesen in it and who doesn't want to watch him?  Not to mention Liam Neeson.  I don't expect accuracy from Hollywood so I just take it all with a grain of salt.

I still have a lot to sort out with my physical environment as far as cleaning, organizing and such but it's such a relief to have the spiritual chaos sorted.  At least for now.

Friday, February 22, 2013

At home with the Greeks

It's Anthesteria but all I've done is put some silk flowers on the altar.  I don't know enough about it to do a lot more.  I've read things to do but until I have a good understanding of the festival, I'm not going to do too much.  I don't want to just blunder in.  I've blundered before and didn't have a good outcome.

I've been doing some reading at night, particularly in The Iliad, reading things in it that I never caught when I read it for pleasure.  Not that I'm viewing it as scripture.  I don't view anything as scripture anymore.  It's all writings from people who were offering up their perspectives on the gods.  And while I do think there is a bit of inspiration involved, I can't see it as fact or anything I need to take literally.  It's true on one level and not true on another, but it's not fact.  If that makes any sense.

I'm also reading Hesiod's Works and Days and Greek Religion, but just a bit each night.  It's heavy reading and with my concentration skills, or lack thereof, it's not something I can just devour.  Although it is fascinating reading.  I went through a lot of the books I own and discovered that there is a huge inventory of books related to Rome and Greece and the writings of various authors from those eras.  I own The Iliad, The Odyssey, Herodotus's Persian Wars, in addition to some books on Greek women and society in general.  I've been collecting these since I was in high school.  I think that should have told me where my direction lay.

I've also discovered something about myself and that is that I mistake passion for learning about something for a calling in that direction.  A lot of that has to do with having been unable all my life to determine that for myself, I think.  I have discovered that my interests in Heathenry, Hinduism, Celtic culture and all are just interests that I can indulge without adopting the whole thing as a religious lifestyle.  I feel so relaxed about it all now, knowing that I can love something without being "married" to it.  As a result I feel very much at home with the Greeks; it feels more natural than anything I've tried since leaving Christianity.  And now that I don't fear racing off in another direction at the drop of a hat, I feel committed as well.  I never realized how much I needed that feeling

I"m still battling fatigue though and my world is a bit chaotic because the house isn't clean or organized.  Not even my room, which is the one thing I would keep tidy.  I'm still battling the stress of my mother coming to the end of her life but also my father's health is deteriorating and we don't know how rapidly.  The dr wanted to put him in the hospital today but he wouldn't go because he has to go visit my mom in the nursing home.  And while I am okay with the natural order of things, and I do trust Persephone to whisper in Hades's ear, it's still a letting go thing and it's not easy to do that. 

Tonight I think will be another early night and I'll force myself to stay in bed tomorrow except for cooking meals.  I never do well when I try to battle the fatigue.  If I ride it out, I get over it much sooner.  So I hope I can do that this weekend.

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

A little help from Aesclepius

I burned my hand last night cooking supper.  Grabbed a spoon that had been pushed a little too close to a burner and the plastic melted into my skin.  I did what was necessary...ice, ice and more ice and prayed to Aesclepius.  No redness or blisters this morning.  I'm thinking of offering milk to the god tonight; we're running low but it's what I feel like offering.  I could offer grape juice but I really feel that milk is what's required.  It feels quite natural these days to pray and offer up gifts to the gods.  Prayer used to be a hard thing for me to do and I still struggle with the Christian-type of prayers that order the deity to do something for me.  And I'm not lying when I say that we always bossed Yahweh around.  I try to focus my prayers on May it be-types.  Instead of insisting something happen on my behalf.

And so, in gratitude, I'm offering up milk.  Because I am very grateful that my knitting won't be interrupted by a bad burn.

I haven't done much studying since I got home.  The fatigue has been overwhelming since returning from Indiana.  I had pushed myself the whole weekend and didn't really allow for any recovery so now I'm paying for that.  I think I'm going to take it easy tonight...another early night and then I will force myself to sleep in.  As late as my father will allow anyway.  He's going to call from the nursing home tomorrow morning so I can talk to my mother.  I figure it will be around 9 or so when she gets out of rehab.  At least I hope it's that late.  I haven't been able to sleep in since I got back.

Zach wants to work together on folk magic, herb lore and other types.  I know some Hellenic polytheists don't believe magic is compatible with the Greek gods but I don't have that compunction.  I think they probably did practice the folk magic along with herbs and stones and such.  At any rate, this is my path and I really feel drawn to magic and finally am ready to start practicing it so...who cares what anyone else thinks? 

I can't keep my eyes open so I think I'll go ahead and shut the curtains, shut down the computer, do ritual and then crawl into bed.  If I go to sleep this early I do.  I'm just so tired right now.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Forgive my ramblings

My focus is off these days with a part of my mind constantly back in Indiana with my parents.  My dad's health is deteriorating as well.  He's not able to go visit my mother today.  I just hope this isn't a race to the finish line.

I took some battery-operated candles down with me sans incense because we had a smoke-free room but I never did any rituals.  Just prayed to the gods on my own and even then my mind was so distracted I couldn't hold a thought for long.  I had taken off my pentacles...the rune pentacle and the raven pentacle...and replaced the rune pentacle with an owl but it didn't really feel like Athena to me so I changed back and wore a turtleneck that hid the necklace altogether, lest someone ask what my necklace was.  I felt so much better with my pentacles in spite of the fact that they are just pendants, not wards or talismans or anything like that.  I chose not to infuse any kind of energy into them so they just represent who I am. I would love something that represented the Greeks:  I have a peacock pendant but it's not too impressive at all.  Maybe someday I'll come up with something but in the meantime, these pentacles represent me nicely.  And the raven makes me think of Hecate, with whom I really feel a connection so...

I was too tired when we got home Sunday night to do any rituals although I lit candles and incense on my kitchen shrine to Hestia.  I got a warm glow from her and the household spirits.  Last night I had a mini-meltdown and didn't do anything either.  But again this morning I connected with Hestia.  I think tonight for sure I will have some quality altar time with the gods.  As soon as I find my bedroom.  Which I will attempt later today.

I never thought of my family as dysfunctional before I hit my 30s but there is definitely some dysfunction going on there.  My mom's baby sister (age 75) was there helping take care of things and having been a nurse most of her life, thought she needed to control a lot of what was going on.  Previously to that, my older sister was there, who also has a need to make decisions for everyone else.  My dad was pretty uncommunicative while I was there, only opening up as we were walking out the door.  I talked to him last night and he was bubbling over with conversation.  In the course of that conversation he mentioned that since my aunt left that day it was the first time in weeks he felt out from under the dominance of people trying to make all the decisions for him.  I told him my job was to be in the background and just support the decisions he made.  He did say that if he was doing something I didn't approve of I should tell him, but I said it wasn't about what I wanted, but what he and Mom wanted and that he knew her much better than I did, having been married to her for 62 years.

I have one sister, P, so sure hospice is the answer and another determined to let Mom hang around as long as she wants to.  I would find out on facebook what my mother's condition was with a very morose overview to it before anyone could call and tell me what the situation was.  When I would talk to S, my younger sister, she was more upbeat.  Not optimistic, but definitely not ready to shut the coffin lid.  P's facebook updates were dramatic with remarks about her last dialysis (not the case as it turned out) and eulogizing my mother.  Maybe it's the pastor in her that causes her reaction.  I just know that I felt pulled in two because one sister is communicating that my mother has quit and the other is telling me that she's still fighting.  My aunt said that P was about authority and S was about compassion.  And I was the background, in the middle.

Anyway...the visit was extremely stressful, complete with a one-hour lecture from the aunt about my weight and how I needed to just do X and Y and I would lose weight. I was a captive audience as I was in my mom's hospital room trying to keep an eye on her to anticipate her needs.

Not to mention a visit with a formerly favorite cousin I hadn't seen in decades who brought along a wife who didn't draw breath during her hour long discourse on how well-off they were and all the shit they bought in the past year.  This in front of someone who can't even afford to come back to her mother's funeral.  Fucking bitch.  Plus my cousin has taken after his father and turned out to be a raging bigot.

But I'm glad I went down there to visit even if we didn't say goodbye.  I just couldn't say goodbye when she was still fighting.  A futile fight eventually but as long as she can hang on and still wants to hang on, it's what keeps her going.  But on Sunday morning when we walked into her hospital room, she was lying flat on her back with the covers pulled up to her chin, eyes closed, listening to their church service on the radio.  I had to walk out as that image formed itself in my mind as she would look in her casket.  It was a bit too much.

Plus, I didn't want to hear all the Jesus stuff.  I hid who I was with them and said the things they expected to hear from me about god and his plan for us and shit like that, but I wasn't going to sit and have it crammed down my throat.  Plus the room was pretty full of other family so...

I think there is a plus side to this and that's that my dad and my younger sister and I have made inroads to a better relationship.  I think there will always be a coolness on my part with my older sister.  She is the kind of person who needs to be in the spotlight and in control and I'm just not interested in watching the show.  Also I've felt closer to Persephone and Hera throughout all of this.  And when I faced the triggers that would normally draw me away from the Greeks, I didn't react at all.  I just tucked in closer and wrapped myself in the warmth of the Greek gods.  It felt like home

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

When it's time to say good bye

I'm going to go down to see my mother one last time.  After talking to my sisters, I decided seeing her was more important than attending the funeral and they agreed.  They know I won't be able to make both since the funeral is a matter of weeks rather than months.  My mother has renal cancer as well and it has nearly doubled in size in 6 weeks time.  I think the time will come very soon when she stops dialysis.  My older sister asked me which was more important and I realized that the only reason I decided the funeral was more important was because people would think badly of me if I didn't attend my mother's funeral.  My sisters are okay with it and so is my dad.  They're all that matter anyway.  I do think my mother deserves a good bye and that my father will have the support he needs when that time comes.

I'm growing closer and closer to the Greeks.  I had some precious time with Persephone last night, much like I used to have with her.  I asked her to whisper in Hades's ear that my mother was coming soon and that she expected to spend her eternity with her god and to be gentle and help her along her way.  Out of all the gods I think I have the closest connection with her.  That's not to say that I don't connect with the other Greeks.  I have had some amazing times with them. I don't know why I keep running away from them.

I think maybe the Norse are exotic to me and that I mistake wanting to know more about them with wanting to worship them.  I've just never had that connection with them that I have with the Greeks.  When things go wrong in my life, I automatically go to the Greeks.  Never the Norse.  Never the Celtic gods.  Always the Greeks.

I think that's my answer.

So today I will prepare to leave Friday morning.  Zach is staying home with the pets and Tom is driving me down.  I can handle the drive; I just don't want to.  We're losing a weekend of overtime but this time money has to take a back seat to emotion.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Through the eyes of a 9 year-old

Studying is accomplishing something beside filling my mind with knowledge.  It's helping me to sort out things and figure out what I want and where I'm going.  I still struggle to read the Norse myths.  In fact, I haven't been able to finish one yet.  I tried reading the sagas but got bored quickly.  After reading up on Odin/Woden, I can't say I'm a fan. And yet there are aspects of the Northern religion that do appeal to me more than the Greeks.

Which brings me to the title:  why do I need to look through this from that perspective?  Mostly because it's what the cards told me to do.  To see things in their simplicity and view them as I did when I was 9.  So I've been doing a lot of thinking about that time frame.

When I was 9, I was devouring Edith Hamilton's book on Mythology.  I would check it out several times a year.  I also was reading anything I could find in the adult section concerning Greece or Rome...anything to read more about the Greek gods.  Because I had been taught that they never existed, but were only false gods, I remember wishing they really did exist so I could worship them.  Of course, the fear of everlasting hellfire would have kept me from that option even if I thought they had existed (which they really did, of course.)  So my perspective at that age would have been to worship them without any real notion of how to do it "correctly."  I know that many Hellenic polytheists teach that the Greek path is one of orthopraxy, rather than orthodoxy.  So they would have disagreed with 9 year-old me about just how to do it.  I think I would have lit candles, prayed to their statues and offered up food items or drink or something along those lines.  I wouldn't have worried so much about the correct way to hold my arms or whether I was spiffy clean or not.  Purification wouldn't have meant anything to me at all.  I was 9, for pete's sake.

Also, if I found something in another pantheon, I would have just added it to my group of gods to worship.  I wouldn't have thought I had to keep everything separate and in its own practice.  If I thought witchcraft was something I needed to do, I would have just started doing it; reading up on it, of course, but I would have just added that to my list of things that made me who I am.  Instead of now when I worry over which thing is the most "correct" and which things would be in conflict.

I think that's what the cards meant.  Just throw out everything that tells me I can't do something and do it anyway.  Just like a 9 year-old would.  Study, of course, and learn but don't let the rules obstruct me.  Who made up the rules anyway?  Just other humans.  Like me.

And since I was looking at it from a 9 year old, I realized that I "like" the Greeks better than the Norse/Anglo Saxon gods.  I love their mythologies better.  But there are aspects of the Norse/Anglo Saxon culture that I like better.  And a few of the gods are pretty cool there while a few of the Greeks I have a hard time with.  I like the witchcraft of the Norse/Anglo Saxon path.  And the Nature focus of the Druids.

So I think having it all is the right path for me.  Or having those parts of it that work for me, at least.

I was on the right track after all.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Saturday studying

I read a lot today, mostly about Odin/Wodan.  I'm glad I didn't just jump in and start doing all kinds of invoking and worshiping and things like that before understanding who the god is and what his personality is like.  I'm very drawn to aspects of him but I know that I'm not called by him.  And apparently it's serious business to be called by Odin/Wodan and I'm not ready for that serious business.  But now at least I have the understanding that I need before I start studying runes. 

I'm so glad I didn't discard the Greeks as they spoke briefly to me today, letting me know they're still around and interested in me.  It may be that down the road there is a decision ahead of me but right now I'm happy with both altars and both sets of gods.  I don't feel torn anymore. If anything, I feel fuller and freer.  I still light candles for both sets of gods and still feel a connection with both.

I had a weird dream last night about living in Sweden.  I have no idea what it was about because I've never had an interest in moving there.  You would think it would have to do with the Northern religions but it didn't.  It seemed pretty mundane.  I rode my bicycle to a mall/hospital area, got a tour by a guy I was pretty sure was gay and ended up giving birth in our apartment to a baby girl.  Zach was a toddler in this dream.  There was a brief moment when I passed a Lutheran church and thought I should start going to church again but would have preferred an Episcopal church instead.  But no real feelings about deities at all.  I could look it all up but I'm not sure where to find the answers.  It may be that this was just a dream.  Like a cigar is just a cigar sometimes.

I will admit that I do occasionally think about going back to our Episcopal church but it's mostly about being around people...and the rituals.  I think I will always love the rituals.  But their deity doesn't appeal to me at all and I remember what it felt like to go through the motions and feeling really shitty about it all.  I couldn't go back to that again.  It was a miserable experience. 

Still, the tarot cards keep telling me to form relationships with people.  Just not sure where to find these people to have relationships with.  I'm beginning to wonder if I really have a relationship with the tarot cards at all.  I don't connect with them like I did years ago and I struggle to find anything meaningful in the interpretations.  However, I did do the Animal Oracle cards today and got an amazing connection.  I can't remember the details right now because my memory is like steel sieve today.  Lots of stress can do that to a person.  But I do remember the cards:  the crane, the horse and the eagle.  Not to mention the physical sensation I got from reading them.  I have had that sensation rarely but always when I was connecting with the gods.  I've had it mostly with the Greeks but occasionally with the Anglo Saxon gods, too.  I try not to rely on the feeling because I can see where I would seek the feeling rather than the gods.  I'm like that.

So I'm thinking of giving up tarot.  I don't know why I need to read them anyway.  I don't look for anything in the future.  I only look to them for advice and if I can't figure out what the advice is, I'm shooting in the dark anyway.  I think I'll focus on the oracle cards and the runes.  I think it's time to move into magic anyway.  I thought it was months ago but apparently not.  Now feels like the right time.

Well, actually, now is the time to finish up supper so we can eat. 

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Thinking about death

I'm too tired to reiterate what I wrote on my mundane blog so if you want to know the back story, go there.  Knitting with my shoes off.  It's on the sidebar.  But today was a bit of a test of sorts.  It's the first time, post-Christian, that I dealt with end of life issues.  My feelings about death have changed a lot in the last 10 years since losing my faith.  I don't fear it so much but I do feel the pain of those left behind.  Mine as well. 

So who did I turn to for comfort this morning after my father's phone call discussing my mother's end of life issues?  No one.  There were gods I could think of but I just didn't feel the need to cry on any deity's shoulder just now.  Maybe tomorrow.  Maybe next week.  Maybe never.  I just dealt with the pain myself.  I did offer up a prayer to Eir for the easing of my mother's discomfort.  I thought about talking to Persephone but that's a bit premature.  I keep in touch with her from time to time so I wouldn't be adverse to talking to her, but as I said...a bit premature.

Not once did I think about going back to Yahweh and beg for healing for my mother.  It's what you learn as a Christian, to beg him to heal your loved ones, perform miracles and extend their lives as if that's the best possible outcome.  As if life is always the better place to be.  I know what my mother's beliefs are and what she is certain of in the afterlife.  For her it's a wonderful place and I hope she goes there.  I think she probably would choose life if she could have hers back.  The one where she was active, serving others in her church.  Busy with her garden and her backyard swing.  But she's dealing with dementia, loss of mobility with her legs refusing to obey her orders to walk.  She's locked into dialysis 3 days a week, four hours each day.  She calls it her job.  She's tired and she's weak.

So when my dad decided not to put her on a ventilator if it comes to that, I know he's doing this for her.  I know it's what she would prefer.  But I don't think it's my decision to make.  I think whatever he decided would be all right with me.  He knows her better than anyone does, having lived with her over 60 years.  Still, having us help in the decision making process does lift some of the responsibility off his shoulders. 

She may very well break through this pneumonia and have many more months to go.  But I think we're talking months and not years.  They found a mass on her kidney...the only one that has any function at all.  They'll biopsy it but what do they do with the results?  She's 80 years old, frail and tired.

I don't know what I think about the afterlife.  I lean toward reincarnation but doubt we carry over any knowledge from our past lives.  In some ways that feels like oblivion since we probably don't carry any memories over after death.  Still, it's comforting to know that something in us lives on.  But even if there is nothing after death, I'm okay with that, too.  Because I spent to many years living my life for the next one instead of living this one.  I do try to do better about that but I'm tired and not in the best health so I tend to still think about the next life and put my energies there.  Too many years of conditioning, I suppose.

If there is a Valhalla or Asphodel Fields, then that's fine, too.  It's not like I can do anything about it now.  I'm not living my life for some kind of renown.  I just want to enjoy my life, help others and possibly enjoy some peace.

On the other hand, I've still got a lot left I want to do so I'm in no hurry to find out what the answer is.  I look forward to walking this path, growing closer to the gods, forming friendships with others on their paths.  I love that they didn't push me to confide in them, or lean on them, or turn to them for answers.  I loved being treated like an adult.  I loved that they understood I needed this time to make my own choices and feel the emotions I needed to feel.  And I look forward to more of that.  It's an exhilarating experience.

So I do hope the best for my mother but I am realistic about it all, too.  Death is just another part of the journey.  Doesn't mean I didn't cry this morning when my dad called.  I am human, after all.

Friday, February 1, 2013

The gods' moving day

I had intended to set up an Anglo Saxon pagan type altar across from the Greeks but I woke up this morning just knowing the Greeks wanted the other altar, the one that isn't my main one.  I wonder if they are just content to be noticed and don't necessarily want to be the primary deities in my realm.  They look good there and it is the first thing I see when I walk into my bedroom. 

So I set up the Anglo Saxon gods and any other deities that might show up as my main altar.  It's a bit bare but seems to please them.  At least that's the vibes I'm getting.  I still don't intend to commit to any particular direction.  I'm just going to wing it and let my heart do the flying.

I'm not going to celebrate Imbolc tonight, though.  Not only am I unprepared, I'm not feeling great.  The fibromyaglia is screaming my name, probably due to the temperature changes.  We had temps in the 50s the other day and it's below zero today. Plus a wind chill in the minus 20s earlier.  I don't think the wind chill is as bad right now though.

I might do Imbolc later on, when it's closer to actually seeing spring start to peek out from beneath the frozen earth.  But for now it's still brutally winter.  I think seasonal worship might be the way I do things rather than specific days.  Except of course for astronomical days or possibly Samhain.  I will always love that festival.

I have gathered up all my books...Greek, Anglo Saxon, Norse, Celtic...all of them, in one place now.  That way I'll be ready for whichever direction my heart takes me.  Tonight it's the Anglo Saxon and Runes.  I've been wanting to study runes but didn't feel like they went with the Greek practices.  Now that I'm not limiting myself, I can study them to my heart's content.

Another benefit to this resolution is that I won't feel guilty for the books I bought for the "other" path.  Now I will utilize all of them.  And really do plan to devour all of them.

But for now, I have to finish up supper so I'm off for the evening.