It felt weird not to go to church today. Which is weird in itself since I haven't been for nearly 2 months. What felt strange was not going deliberately. And knowing that this was going to be the norm in the future. I wasn't able to sleep in but at least I didn't stress out at 3 a.m this morning while I was still wide awake.
I've ordered some books from the library on ritual. I think I'm ready to incorporate that into my life as well as establishing some sacred spaces in and out of the house. I still intend to make my outdoor altar but the grove/fairy garden/sanctuary has been downsized a bit because the area isn't as big as I remembered it. I am going to make an outdoor area behind the garage for sitting and thinking and maybe sketching and painting, but the upper area will be my outdoor altar and shrine.
Next weekend I hope to break ground for the garden. I hope getting outdoors and organizing the living things I hope to grow will bring more order to my life. I know that even before I entertained the idea of Paganism, chaos in my life left me so stressed out that I was nearly unable to function. So I'm hoping that more organization will give me more energy. I never used to believe in feng shui but I now know that energy has to have pathways and in my house, it doesn't have them.
I'm having an early night tonight in hopes that I can wake up rested tomorrow and do some mighty works. I did start on some projects for my future shop and actually felt creative in planning more. I probably should have written them down though because now I can't actually remember them.
But for the first time in a long time, I feel a glimmer of hope in my life so I thank the Goddess for that. Now off to bed and to spend some time in slumberland.