The most incredible thing happened this morning. Professor was out in the yard sunning himself being quiet for once...he thinks all he sees is his domain and since we're the house that crosses the t-road (as in we overlook the road that comes back up the hill) he has quite a domain. Suddenly he started barking with a frenzy I'd never heard out of him before so I raced out the door to see him straining on the leash with more effort than this little chihuahua should be able to do. There was a deer two yards down from us. It panicked and ran into the back yard of that house and we didn't see him anymore (or her) but I was so totally amazed. I'd seen deer up the hill but that's across the highway and up past the reinforced part of the hill so they can't cross from there. We do live near the outskirts of town but I'd never seen anything like this before.
It got me wondering, since I'd been pondering omens and "God's will" last night after my candle time...was that a message from the Goddess? I realize that sometimes you're just more aware of things, but two things in a row that I hadn't seen before in all the time we've lived here: beech skin and a deer.
What does it mean? I don't know except that it seemed like confirmation that I'm on the right path. The Tarot cards seemed to indicate as much, too, when I read them last night. Not that I'm up to speed on those yet. I used to read them a long time ago but gave them up when I became a "rededicated Christian" because they were "satanic" according to my mentors. I've lost a lot of brain cells since then and I'm sure the memory of how to read Tarot was in those lost cells.
One of my biggest struggles when I was a Christian was in knowing what God's will was for my life. I had been told ad nauseum that it was so easy and yet, if I did something that I thought God wanted me to do after much prayer and Bible reading, it was inevitable that my life went south quite quickly and we lost considerable ground. My fellow Christians would then tell me that it was Satan who had told me to do that because if it had been God, it would have worked out wonderfully. So how was I supposed to know just who the heck was telling me things? No clue. But these giants of faith told me that I would know God's voice. After all, God told them just about every move to make and it worked out great for them.
When I started looking for another church after leaving fundie-ville, there were those who told me that God would never lead me to the Episcopal Church because they weren't really Christians. So I figured out that it was God's voice if it was something they thought was right and Satan's if it was something they didn't. Glad I got that figured out.
I looked for signs that I was doing his will, studied the Bible fervently looking for guidance, and I never made a single good decision. The best decisions were made on the fly or by using logic. Never by using God as a guide.
So I'm a bit leery of seeing the Goddess in everything now. Omens are wickedly vague critters and the cards can be read through a specific lens. So I'm cautious.
And yet...a deer two yards away from me when I've never seen one? I've seen a bald eagle here, too, in spite of being told I didn't because they don't reside in this area. (Zach saw it, too, so I've got a witness.)
And a sheet of beech bark that just happens in my yard in spite of not seeing any for the 12 years I've lived here. Timely. Very timely.
But I still haven't a clue what it means unless it means that nature is knocking at my door wanting me to be more a part of it and that this is my path.
I'm still seeking and learning and not committing to a specific direction yet beyond knowing that it is inextricably bound to nature and the hidden world around me. That I'm sure of.