Monday, May 17, 2010

Invitation to a pity party rescinded

I changed my template because I needed to add some color into my life and this was a cheap fix.  I know I need to go outdoors more often where the sunlight and colors abound but it's so hard to when I don't get any sleep.  Or much sleep.  Certainly not enough anyway.

I was outside a bit yesterday and stood for a bit in the center of the back yard listening to a bird singing.  I'm not up on my birds so I don't know what kind it was, but as soon as it saw me, it flew away.  It makes me even more determined to fix up some sacred spaces outdoors for myself.  And not just sacred spaces....real living spaces for me to spend time just enjoying my environment.  The highway isn't that noticeable because of the lilac and honeysuckle that make a wall of heavenly scent between us and them.  And where I plan to make my sanctuary/altar is completely hidden from the highway, although the next-door neighbor could see me if he was out working in his garden.  But fortunately not from his house.

I really want to get healthier so I can get out and enjoy things more.  There is a marsh not far from here with a nice footpath.  On the way to Beaver Dam there are two a foot trail and the other a combination foot/bike/horse/snowmobile.  Okay, not to many snowmobiles this time of year but it's a lovely, long trail.  My goal is to get in shape enough to ride my bike all the way to Fond du Lac on it.  And back, I suppose.

I know I talk a lot about my hopes and dreams and it doesn't seem like I put any effort into achieving any of them.  That's the hardest part for me and something I need to work on.  But when every moment of your life is spent fighting a debilitating fatigue and pain condition, it seems to suck the ambition out of you, too.  I try to find inspiration in the lives of people who have fought insurmountable situations and gone on to success.  I wish I knew what their secret was.  What enables a person to get out of bed when there is no energy to do it?  To do physical tasks when there is constant pain and that fatigue that will not ever go away?

I had some second thoughts and decided to delete the pity party and focus on more positive things in my life.  Somewhere out there some energy found its way to me and I was able to do some cleaning.  And I still have enough to tackle another room.  I know a great deal of my fatigue comes from a lack of restful sleep but I'm also on at least 5 medications that have a drowsiness warning on them.  I sometimes wonder how I'm supposed to function at all.

At any rate, I have high hopes that tomorrow I'll tackle the outdoors and get my altar/sanctuary set up along with starting the fairy garden.  I'd like to plant some morning glories to hide the back of the garage.  That would involve coming up with some kind of lattice but I was thinking of making stakes out of wire coat hangers and using cup hooks and just stringing twine.  It's certainly cheaper than investing in a lattice although won't look as good in the winter.

So since I'm feeling a bit better, I'm off to do things that will make the house look better.

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