Sunday, July 4, 2010
It's not much
Tana's gift, for what it's worth, was a portable altar that you can carry in your purse somewhat surreptitiously. I read about it on a Pagan email loop I was on briefly and really liked the idea. Some of the people on the loop thought it cheesy but who cares? I liked it.
The handkerchief is an antique (although not ancient) from an elderly friend of my mother's. I included it to be the altar cloth. I liked that the flower design brought a bit of nature into it. The candles are birthday candles (fire), of course, but I was thrilled to find some black ones, even if it does have white polka dots on it. The feather I found in Indiana when I was visiting my parents (the air element), the rock I just liked the way it looked (earth). I included a bitty cross because Tana connects with Christ in her own way. What I couldn't find was a vial for water. She's going to look for one and also one for some sand. I have a small cup of decorative sand on my home altar so I really get the desire for it.
I'm planning on creating one for myself, too. Not that I anticipate needing to worship on the run, but I like the idea of carrying my own "scripture" with me all the time. It seems a bit redundant, living in a rural town in a rural county with lots of "scripture" all around me all the time, but it's more personal for me this way.
The person whose idea this was used the Altoid boxes because they have a hinge and shut well and because no one would think twice about someone carrying an Altoid container. Anything that shuts well would work but I did like the idea of this. In my redneck of the woods, it's somewhat necessary to keep your spiritual life a bit closer to the vest. Not even my husband knows. Well, he might but he's of the Nile persuasion...as in living in de-Nile. I don't hide things from him but I don't announce what they are either.
On the other hand I'll never come out to my parents. It would really hurt them and as a result, hurt me. Since everything I do is criticized, this would be over the top criticism, resulting in family conferences and condescending emails and phone calls from aunts, uncles, siblings and a barrage of "literature" about satanism. So...I'm not going there. I had outed myself to my older sister at one time thinking that because she's so "liberal" she'd understand, but I was very surprised to find out that she's not that far removed from a fundie. At least she sure sounded like it to me. So, while I didn't backtrack, I sort of let her think that I had gone back to church. It was certainly deceitful but not dishonest, if that makes any sense. I was still going to church at the time although the struggle to make some kind of sense out of both worlds was beginning to take its toll on me.
At any rate, I did it to protect myself from the condescending questions and snide remarks. I had my fill of "honesty" in Christianity. I didn't hurt anyone. Not even myself.
It's clouding over outside and I love it. I love all things about the weather but I like change the best. After many rainy days, the sun refreshes my soul. Same with the clouds after many sunny days.
Well, I'm off to be lazy today and knit and watch my library dvds. The pets stay indoors as much as possible this time of year because of the neighborhood fireworks that go on days before and days afterward.