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I was driving home from my mammogram today while scanning through the radio looking for something to listen to when I chanced upon a very right-wing Christian station where a Christian singer/songwriter (who wasn't identified while I was listening) was raving about "God's Justice" and how exciting it was going to be when all the non-believers were going to face it and how all Christians should be looking forward to that as well because it would be so great to see all the heathens get theirs.  Okay the last bit is my interpretation of what he was saying, but you get the picture.

This is the attitude I see all the time amongst the fundies and evangelicals I run into on a certain online group designed for people who love the fiber arts (hint...it's called Ravelry)  Even some of the more liberal ones take on some of those attributes when their sacred cows are tipped over as evidenced by any discussion that includes agnostics and atheists.  How dare you insist that God doesn't exist!  You can't say that here!

Of course you don't get the same respect when you talk about your God/Goddesses existing.  The particular liberal in question called Paganism silly once and acted perplexed that it offended us Pagans.  Yet when someone called Christianity silly she was the first one to start frothing at the mouth.

Now she's insisting that a civil union and marriage would be "equal" as long as the benefits are the same.  When I suggested she was advocating separate but equal she insisted it's not because they would have the same thing, just different names for it.  Yeah, right...just like segregated proms.  There was a time,  not that long ago, when African Americans couldn't attend the same proms white people had.  So why bitch if they're the same?  I mean, they both have dancing and decorations and the kids get to dress up.  So what were they complaining about?

So...I'm not that fond of the liberal Christians either.  I've got one for a sister and I swear she's not that far removed from the fundies.  Aside from my former priest and some of the people at our former church, most have triggers that set them off and make them fiercely possessive of anything Christian.

I'm apparently still estranged from my sister as I suspect she has me hidden on Facebook.  She never reads this blog; in fact, I'm not sure she even knows it exists, and to be honest she rarely read my mundane blog because she's not that interested in my life, which is totally okay with me as long as she'll stop going ape-shit whenever I don't pay enough attention to her.

When her grandson was little, he had croup and she sent out an email to a million of her closest friends asking for prayer.  I, as a Christian, prayed but didn't respond to the email.  She went crying to our parents saying that since I didn't have a relationship with my grandkids (a long story) I was jealous of her relationship with hers and how mean-spirited it was that I refused to pray for Jax.  Now, mind...she didn't confront me or ask me about it...she made assumptions and went to Mommy so Mommy could yell at me.  This is a pattern...I don't respond the way she thinks I should, therefore, I'm flawed.

So of course, Mom called me and jumped all over me for being so selfish.  I was a bit nonplussed by this as I had, in fact, prayed for Jax.  Which I then explained to my mother.  Next thing I knew I got a furious email from my sister claiming that I should have emailed back letting her know.  My thinking had been that since she had a million people on the list, a million responses was going to be overwhelming and I figured she would just take it for granted that I prayed.

But this is the story of my life with my family.  They never give me the benefit of the doubt.  I'm automatically judged guilty or a failure unless I can prove I'm not.

When said sister when to Europe on her sabbatical, she wanted to start up a blog so I showed her how to do it.  I had had my mundane blog for almost a year and neither my parents nor my sisters ever read it.  I didn't hear the end of how wonderful Peg's blog was and how I should write one.  I've given my blog address to them multiple times and they never, ever read it.  Until my sister read it when I ripped her a new one for being so inconsiderate over the whole controlling-my-life-and-making-sure-I-went-down-to-see-my-Dad episode.  Then she noticed that I had said I didn't want to see her when she came up this way.  So she didn't come up this way, but has spun it so that I'm the bad guy.

And all I can think of is how I wish I had done this sooner so I didn't have to put up with her all this time.

So...this is my history of experiences with Christians in my life but by no means the sum total of it all.  I have a million more stories I could tell.  Why did it take me so long to see how destructive that lifestyle was?

Since no one in my family reads this blog, I tend to be more open here and if they do read it, then who gives a shit?  I'm about ready to take the advice of a psychologist friend who told me to distance myself from them.  I will most likely maintain a long-distance relationship with my parents, but I'm no longer interested in being emotionally abused by either of my sisters anymore.  The ball is in their court.  If they want to be sisters and close, then they'll have to change how they interact with me, because I'm not doing that anymore.  I'm not longer the prodigal daughter.  I'm not the silly person who made mistake after mistake and had to be bailed out.  I'm an adult quite capable of managing and fixing my own life.  When they decide to treat me like that, we'll talk.  Until then, I'm quite happy the way things are.  I love my Pagan life.  I love how my relationship with my husband has become less stressful since leaving Christianity.  I love how I am so much more in tune with who I am without all the guilt and bondage.

And I love all the new things I'm learning about life, the universe and everything.