Tuesday, July 27, 2010


I was driving home from my mammogram today while scanning through the radio looking for something to listen to when I chanced upon a very right-wing Christian station where a Christian singer/songwriter (who wasn't identified while I was listening) was raving about "God's Justice" and how exciting it was going to be when all the non-believers were going to face it and how all Christians should be looking forward to that as well because it would be so great to see all the heathens get theirs.  Okay the last bit is my interpretation of what he was saying, but you get the picture.

This is the attitude I see all the time amongst the fundies and evangelicals I run into on a certain online group designed for people who love the fiber arts (hint...it's called Ravelry)  Even some of the more liberal ones take on some of those attributes when their sacred cows are tipped over as evidenced by any discussion that includes agnostics and atheists.  How dare you insist that God doesn't exist!  You can't say that here!

Of course you don't get the same respect when you talk about your God/Goddesses existing.  The particular liberal in question called Paganism silly once and acted perplexed that it offended us Pagans.  Yet when someone called Christianity silly she was the first one to start frothing at the mouth.

Now she's insisting that a civil union and marriage would be "equal" as long as the benefits are the same.  When I suggested she was advocating separate but equal she insisted it's not because they would have the same thing, just different names for it.  Yeah, right...just like segregated proms.  There was a time,  not that long ago, when African Americans couldn't attend the same proms white people had.  So why bitch if they're the same?  I mean, they both have dancing and decorations and the kids get to dress up.  So what were they complaining about?

So...I'm not that fond of the liberal Christians either.  I've got one for a sister and I swear she's not that far removed from the fundies.  Aside from my former priest and some of the people at our former church, most have triggers that set them off and make them fiercely possessive of anything Christian.

I'm apparently still estranged from my sister as I suspect she has me hidden on Facebook.  She never reads this blog; in fact, I'm not sure she even knows it exists, and to be honest she rarely read my mundane blog because she's not that interested in my life, which is totally okay with me as long as she'll stop going ape-shit whenever I don't pay enough attention to her.

When her grandson was little, he had croup and she sent out an email to a million of her closest friends asking for prayer.  I, as a Christian, prayed but didn't respond to the email.  She went crying to our parents saying that since I didn't have a relationship with my grandkids (a long story) I was jealous of her relationship with hers and how mean-spirited it was that I refused to pray for Jax.  Now, mind...she didn't confront me or ask me about it...she made assumptions and went to Mommy so Mommy could yell at me.  This is a pattern...I don't respond the way she thinks I should, therefore, I'm flawed.

So of course, Mom called me and jumped all over me for being so selfish.  I was a bit nonplussed by this as I had, in fact, prayed for Jax.  Which I then explained to my mother.  Next thing I knew I got a furious email from my sister claiming that I should have emailed back letting her know.  My thinking had been that since she had a million people on the list, a million responses was going to be overwhelming and I figured she would just take it for granted that I prayed.

But this is the story of my life with my family.  They never give me the benefit of the doubt.  I'm automatically judged guilty or a failure unless I can prove I'm not.

When said sister when to Europe on her sabbatical, she wanted to start up a blog so I showed her how to do it.  I had had my mundane blog for almost a year and neither my parents nor my sisters ever read it.  I didn't hear the end of how wonderful Peg's blog was and how I should write one.  I've given my blog address to them multiple times and they never, ever read it.  Until my sister read it when I ripped her a new one for being so inconsiderate over the whole controlling-my-life-and-making-sure-I-went-down-to-see-my-Dad episode.  Then she noticed that I had said I didn't want to see her when she came up this way.  So she didn't come up this way, but has spun it so that I'm the bad guy.

And all I can think of is how I wish I had done this sooner so I didn't have to put up with her all this time.

So...this is my history of experiences with Christians in my life but by no means the sum total of it all.  I have a million more stories I could tell.  Why did it take me so long to see how destructive that lifestyle was?

Since no one in my family reads this blog, I tend to be more open here and if they do read it, then who gives a shit?  I'm about ready to take the advice of a psychologist friend who told me to distance myself from them.  I will most likely maintain a long-distance relationship with my parents, but I'm no longer interested in being emotionally abused by either of my sisters anymore.  The ball is in their court.  If they want to be sisters and close, then they'll have to change how they interact with me, because I'm not doing that anymore.  I'm not longer the prodigal daughter.  I'm not the silly person who made mistake after mistake and had to be bailed out.  I'm an adult quite capable of managing and fixing my own life.  When they decide to treat me like that, we'll talk.  Until then, I'm quite happy the way things are.  I love my Pagan life.  I love how my relationship with my husband has become less stressful since leaving Christianity.  I love how I am so much more in tune with who I am without all the guilt and bondage.

And I love all the new things I'm learning about life, the universe and everything.


  1. It's great to just walk your own path and live your own truth, you know?

  2. It's liberating. I never knew it was possible to feel so free. I suspect it's like an animal who has been cages its whole life: they don't know they're not free but they do know they're not happy with the life they have.

  3. I know exactly what you mean. In Al-A-Teen, we learned we had to 'detach' ourselves from the alcoholic, learned how it's not our fault for their behavior. I think sometimes dealing with Christians is the same thing. But for those of us that are easily targetable (emotionally/psychologically abused, or any sort of abused really) it's hard to remove or detach ourselves. To me it seems the cycles and behaviors are the same, just a different catalyst.

    Dipshit's sister sounds kinda like your sister, if you don't 'prove' in some way that you've done what was asked then you didn't do it. Yet at the same time they boast about how they don't brag about their deeds and prayers. With her...it's either her way or the highway, if you don't believe, pray, etc the way she does then you're not for her your against her. I attended a church that went so far as to tell us we couldn't give our business to anyone but those of the congregation. You need a house, use our realtor. You need taxes done, use our account. You need a car, use our car salesman. And so on. The only exception was groceries it seemed lol. And you couldn't be friends with anyone outside of said church. If we wanted to be friends with outsiders, we had to get them to join the church. (Can you say cult here?)

    Anyway, like you I feel a bit liberated now that I don't feel like every action, word or deed is under some sort of microscope. And that I won't 'burn in hell' if I didn't repent for every perceived infraction.

    Sorry I got on a soap box there...:D But half the time I swear you could be writing about stuff I have experienced.

    Bright Blessings!!!

  4. I love it, Ellie! I know exactly what you mean. My parents' church and my former fundie church was like that...you should use the services of the members.

    Also, my dad is an alcoholic so we had the whole enabling shit going on there and my sister who thinks she's still in charge by virtue of being the oldest is classic as a daughter of an alcoholic. She thinks she has to fix everyone but herself because there is nothing wrong with her.

    I love your soap box. Get on it more often.

    Bright Blessings to you as well!

  5. Tana is ready to kill blogger because it won't let her post:

    Oh good God. I read that thread. Frakking A man.

  6. I swear for someone who supposedly debates for a living, she doesn't do a very good job of it. Her reason is because it makes sense to her? In spite of it not making sense to most other gays?

  7. The Christians are number 1 on my shitlist this week, so this post just added flames to the fire.

  8. Anything to help, Inannasstar. Unfortunately I'm probably not done yet. I still haven't purged my soul from all the poisons that fester there. I kept apologizing to Zach today while watching Jesus Camp because, while I wasn't like the homeschooling mom there, I did expose him to some of the shit these kids were going through.

    Oddly, it was through homeschooling that we stopped believing in creation and the inerrancy of the Bible which led to us leaving Christianity.

  9. Jesus Camp ignited a fire inside me that I can't even put into words. It was one of those documentaries I can still remember years after watching it. If you're interested in another good documentary about Religion but like a more playful and funny look at it, Religulous is hysterical. Bill Mahr is one of my tv husbands ; ) and I love him. He is either agnostic or atheist so if you keep that in mind and have a sense of humor about it, it's really a funny documentary.

  10. I've got Religulous on hold at the library now. I'm not sure what to think of Bil Maher because I can agree with him and then fervently hate him for his nastiness. He fills me with such confliction. But then again he can be so insightful and so funny.

    What bothered me the most about Jesus Camp was knowing that Zach had gone through similar experiences in our fundie church. Makes me want to scream!

  11. Bill Mahr is like a male version of me ; ) I've got a forked tongue too.