Try

Kermit didn't show up last night. Probably because Miss Piggy took over his spot under the light and relegated him to the side where he didn't get as many bugs.  Bitty stayed on the side of the mailbox in the dark.  I just turned the porch light on so we'll see who comes by tonight.

At Tana's suggestion (duh! why didn't I think of this sooner?) I looked up frog totems and frog animal guides.  I don't think it's my totem, but I do think the frog has a message for me.  On one site the frog seems to be a sign to turn your life around, seek health and get rid of negativity.  It's also related to water, which has been on my mind lately.  I think I am earth for the most part, but I have been having dreams involving water (although last night I dreamed an original Law & Order episode, complete with Sam Waterston...and no, I don't want to dissect that one...I just want to enjoy it), running streams mostly.

I can understand the message about my health and the negativity.  I had addressed it in my altar time tonight, talking to Danu about my self-destructive tendencies and how I tend to be still angry and bitter about my former religious path.  I discovered during my candle-gazing that I can't move forward until I let that anger go.  It's a barrier to enjoying this path and all it's wonders and beauty.  I know it will be a struggle to catch myself every time I get cheesed about something but I have to start somewhere.  And I can see how my health is negatively affected by all that anger and bitterness.

It's simply time to do something about it.  I can draw on my strength and  the strength from the Gods & Goddesses but it is my responsibility to do something about it.  It's not like I was taught before, to "rest" in God and let him work through me.  That never worked and for a reason.  The responsibility is mine.  I work out the process myself or I don't learn.  I can't guarantee I will succeed this time where before I always failed, but at least I can try.  And try.  And try.  Not succeeding isn't failing if I continue to try to succeed.

I felt like purple today so I changed out my altar to a purple altar cloth (okay it's a $1 bandana but it's pretty) and a purple (lavender) candle, drawing on psychic and spiritual powers.  I used to be really in tune with these many years ago before I threw them aside thinking them evil.  I drew in the energies and slowly released them as I didn't really want that going on while I was trying to sleep tonight. I feel charged enough that I'm going to have trouble sleeping.  I didn't need that much more.  It was good to feel them again after all this time though.

I'm going to focus on knitting tonight because I've been falling asleep and not getting any done.  Plus I have 3 Eddie Izzard dvds from the library to watch (yes!)  Hopefully tomorrow I can start on my journey to health and a better focus on my mental and spiritual health as well. 

At least I can try.