Feels like home

I started out my morning with study and reading instead of the computer and feel much better about the day because I was so productive.  But I am discovering that the more I learn about Druidry, nature and the Gods/Goddesses, the less I want to talk about it all.  It feels very personal and private.  Which is totally the opposite of what I was like as a Christian.  We were encouraged to talk about God/Jesus all the time, what we were learning, where we were failing, what God/Jesus was doing in our lives, etc to the degree that it became a competition over who was learning more about God/Jesus and who God/Jesus was doing more for.

Not that I don't talk about my experiences at all.  Just that I don't feel a need to run here and tell everyone everything I learned as I used to do when I was a Christian.  On the boards and email loops we were jumping all over each other telling what God was doing in our lives.  And if you didn't have a story to tell, you made one up.

No, this is different.  When I talk about my experiences, it's with a sense of wonder and awe because it's all still so new to me.  It's not a competition at all anymore.  It's very humbling actually when I think of the vastness of Nature and the wonder of the elements.  I don't feel the need to embellish the story or talk about it in a way that makes me stand out.  It's just something that happens in the course of my day. And I'm more content to listen to others' stories instead of wanting to tell mine.

I am amazed to find myself here but even more amazed to find how well it fits, how comfortable it is.  And Zach and I were talking yesterday about how things have changed at home since we told Tom about our journey to Paganism.  Things have improved so much that we are nearly back where we used to be as a family.  Which makes me really ponder how damaging Christianity was to our family life.

I also connect with the Gods/Goddesses in a more natural way, too.  They feel very approachable and very familiar, not like a Being who is perfect beyond my understanding...frightening me with threats of punishment if I don't love him enough.  And for those who shake their heads because I can believe in multiple Gods instead of the One True God, well...why is your mythology more believable than mine?  I can demonstrate that yours is a compilation of other mythologies anyway. 

Yeah, it all feels like home and Druidry is definitely my path, although I don't think I need all the tools described in the rituals from The Modern-Day Druidess.  I have always felt from the moment I found myself on this journey that I should walk it as the ancestors did, using the tools they had rather than spending a lot of money I don't have on specialized tools.  Not that I'm putting down people who buy or sell them.  I think it's a great thing, but I don't think it's a necessary thing, at least when starting out.  Like, I thought that I would love to have a cauldron but it occurred to me that I have a good sized iron dutch oven that would work very well as a cauldron.  Better, in fact, because of its size.

Moonstones and crystals are all very good but if you don't have them, it doesn't mean you can't still perform rituals.  I suppose it's like having a really good study Bible and having just a Bible.  They are enhancements and can make your experience more enjoyable but they're not necessary to have the experience.  I know that my letter opener/athame has worked quite well for me.

And it's a challenge to try to be creative in making adaptations.  Pretty fun, too.  I love the creative aspects of Paganism and am busily knitting my fingers off making things to enhance the enjoyment of my experiences.  And let's face it...some of the stuff out there is just plain cool.  I love my rune necklace and plan on making myself some more necklaces.  I found a pattern for some knitted runes that Zach wants me to make him and I have lots of river stones I could use for various things as well.  And I have some ideas for more Pagan jewelry. 

Which brings me back to my opening sentence.  Spending my time more productively.  It really does feel good to spend less time online.  I can still connect with my online friends and acquaintances without spending every waking moment on the computer.  I've already given up two different categories of blogs to read and one message board which has freed up at least 2 hours.  Plus the cards this morning indicated I needed to start finding community outside my house and now that Tom is onboard, maybe we can find some Pagan groups around here.  I'm pretty sure there are no groves in this state but there are general Pagan organizations and maybe we can go to one of the gatherings next summer.

But I have rambled enough and need to clean up my kitchen and start supper.  The day has gone by so much faster this way.  I could get used to this.