I couldn't post yesterday because my internal rage thermostat was pretty high. It's down in the high/normal range right now but if I start talking about it, I'm sure the temperature will elevate and I'll go through the roof again. So I'll try not to go there. Unfortunately I did unload on my mother last night about the way my sisters have been treating me, breaking down in tears, which wasn't a good mood considering what she's going through with Daddy right now.
But we're heading down that way on Monday. It will take us all day to get there so really we'll only be down there on Tuesday and Wednesday because we're heading back on Thursday. I don't travel on weekends. Plus I have things I have to take care of when I get back and can't afford to put them off until the following Monday.
I got an email from the priest last night wanting to get together for lunch when she gets back from her retreat. I have still been agonizing over going back to church and finally decided that the anguish on whether or not to go was worse than the anguish I had when I was actually going. It was one of those V8 moments. So I've decided when I start getting sleep again, I'll go back. She wasn't trying to change our minds; she really is just a nice person who likes to stay in touch with people. And because we're both from the same neck of the woods originally we had a connection there. Not close because I don't do that anymore, since having been close friends with the fundie pastor only to have him stab me in the back. But I think she finds it refreshing that I'm not trying to be her best buddy. I'm sure that's a problem clergy have: people wanting to be their best friends.
Now that that is settled, I can put all my attention on packing and getting ready to go. One of the things I'm trying to figure out (aside from not taking everything I own with me which is what I'm wont to do when I travel...must be prepared after all) is how much of my altar to take with me. I've got some birthday candles and some empty Altoid containers that I might set up as a portable altar. I got this idea from an email loop I was on. It met with mixed reactions: some thought it was cheesy, others thought it was a great idea.
I plan on packing some of my crystals...or all of them since they'll fit in the little bag they came in (thanks, Tana!) and my book of prayers (I decided that sounded better than prayer book), a candle or two but no incense since my dad has COPD and I don't think incense would work well with that. Other than that I don't think I'll take anything else. I just like to hold the crystals. I haven't figured them out yet but I know which ones soothe me and right now lapis lazuli is the one that makes me feel better.
I discovered how easily I fell back into Christianese when talking to my mother. I said all the right things and made the right responses in spite of not believing any of it. Sometimes it's better not to take a stand. She feels better thinking we are still Christians. It would break her heart if she thought we weren't "saved" and weren't going to heaven with her.
I'm not looking forward to this trip. I don't travel well and don't sleep well at home, let alone away from home. Plus it will be uncomfortable being around Christianese 24/7 for a few days. My aunt is coming up from Tennessee to see me. I've knit her some winter socks so it will be good to see her but she's always sending me right-wing stuff through email. Still, I like her a lot so I overlook it as much as I can.
Poor Zach. This will be a miserable time for him. He has to stay in two closets while we're gone. He'll mostly stay in the guest room online. We'll tell my mom he's working on his portfolio, which he has promised to do while we're down there, and maybe she'll cut him some slack for not socializing more.
I probably won't be blogging next week. I have access to Zach's computer but I doubt I'll be able to be online enough to do more than just check my email so if anyone leaves a comment just be patient with me and I'll try to respond when I get home.
I'm going to need a lot of strength from the Goddess next week so if anyone wants to direct some energy my way, I won't turn it down. I'll have another post or two before I leave, I hope, so don't run away just yet.