The full moon, that is. I got no sleep on Friday night and only a couple of very short naps Saturday due to Professor going hysterical on the rat-bastard chipmunk or something out there. So I was in bed by about 8 p.m. trying desperately to sleep. And failing. It was after 11 before I dozed off...only to wake up throughout the night.
I heard this full moon with a lunar eclipse was going to be disruptive and cause possible anxiety and boy howdy! did it. I'm still on edge.
To the degree that I really, really don't want to meet with the priest tomorrow afternoon and Tom could tell. In the course of discussing how I didn't really want to see her some things came out. Such as...I wasn't planning on going back to St. Mark's or any other church anymore and Zach has been wanting to quit going for longer than I have and that I'm happy with where I am spiritually and don't want to discuss it because I don't feel like I need to justify my decisions.
I think I outed myself but I'm not sure. I do know that I don't care though. I plan on being more open about my practices and he'd better not give me any crap about it because the mood I'm in this week, I won't be a submissive puppy and roll over. I am Pagan; hear me roar!
Now I just hope I don't wimp out tomorrow when the priest comes. She really is a very nice person and a lot of fun and didn't blink an eye when Zach told her he didn't believe anymore but she seems to think we can still go to church and just go through the motions and we can't anymore. It's just not possible to wear two hats at the same time without one of them being hidden by the other.
Actually I feel pretty darned good after outing myself to my husband. He didn't have a lot to say because he was out the door and I'm sure he'll have more to say later, but the first step has been taken and I'm not backing down. He'll accuse me of ruining Zach's life though because he'll assume it was me who turned Zach against Christianity. Not realizing it was the other way around. In a way. The Paganism was a natural result of no longer believing in Jesus and Yahweh. We call him that because it takes too long to say "the God of Christianity" and since we still have a God or two we do believe in...
I bought myself a rune necklace that I really like. Right now I just have the cord tied on and I might get a clasp for it but as I am terribly allergic to nickel I might just leave it the way it is. Or figure out a decorative way to camouflage the knot. It's on this page...the Beorc rune because it means growth and there is a connection with the Earth Mother, which is where I feel I am right now. I've been looking at them for about six months and finally decided I wanted something to identify my beliefs. I'm not overly fond of the pentacle at this time. I'm sure that will change but it's mostly connected to Wicca or witchcraft and I don't consider myself a witch. But I might find that while I'm not a witch, I might identify with the pentacle or the pentagram at some point in the future.
I'd like to buy some more things for my altar but I need to really go into tightwad mode and stay there for a while. I found some birthday candles that are black and white so they will do me for a black candle for now. I got one at Halloween but it stinks so badly of licorice (and I really detest licorice) that I can't use it indoors. Maybe I can make my own.
And speaking of my altar, I'm guessing that it will make more sense to Tom now. I wonder what he has been thinking it was all this time.
At any rate, supper must be cooked and I need to clean the living room so the priest has a place to sit down tomorrow.