The priest called today to set up a time to get together. She's coming here next week to talk to me and Zach, although she's said she's not trying to change our minds. I babbled on a bit about insomnia, my exhausting trip and no sleep, which was true at one time but is no longer the reason we don't go. I've discovered that I just no longer want to be a part of Christianity in any form. And I'm not drawn back to the church at all. How odd that once I allowed myself the option of going, I no longer wanted to go.
When she gets here, I'll be honest with her but not forthcoming about all of it. Zach has said he will, too, but he's braver than I am. It won't be easy for me to be that open. I'm sure I'll tell her about the loss of faith, but not sure if I want to tell her about my journey to Paganism. I thought my sister, the minister, who I thought was a very liberal person, would be understanding but she wasn't. And neither was she that liberal when it all came down to it.
Talking to her is like talking to a fundie anymore. It surprises me. It even shocks me. And her condescension and mild ridicule about Paganism makes me put her more in the conservative locker room than in the more spacious liberal one. Odd how you think you know someone until you're the one who changes. I'm dreading her visit which I never in a million years thought I would ever do.
I ended up falling asleep before I could do anything for Midsummer but I don't feel that bad about it. I murmured a short prayer to both the Lord and the Lady, wishing them the joy they had brought to me and then fell asleep mid-prayer. I did it as a Christian, too. I think prayer maybe isn't my thing and I should look for an alternative way to connect with the Divine.
And as I didn't get very much sleep last night will most likely fall asleep while knitting tonight so I might as well skip the middle step and just go to sleep.
All in all it was a really good Midsummer with all the new friends I've made and the wonderful advice I've been given by so many great women. Aside from one haughty bitch who thought she would point out to a wonderful friend who was wishing everyone a happy solstice (both hemispheres) that (ahem) most Pagans don't celebrate the Summer Solstice by the calendar but by the season, I had a really good time. I'm not sure why the sun would be the closest (or furthest) on a different day in a different location, but maybe I'm just not terribly smart.
Of course this was the one bitching about fluffy bunnies a few weeks back.
And then again, maybe I can be a haughty bitch as well. At least I'm working on it.