Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Mid week slump

Still battling the depression and fatigue and kicking myself over wasted spiritual opportunities, but unlike a time in my life when that would have sent me into deep depression and feelings of failure, I just moan a bit over wasted time and strive to do better.  I love having that millstone of guilt removed from my neck.

My brain is very tired this week and my body isn't any better.  Knitting is sometimes a chore but I did manage to work on my crane bag last night.  I had forgotten about it and stashed it in a bag.  I found it and went to work on it.  All that remains is to crochet the drawstring and knit up some shoulder straps for it.  Then it's good to go for those times when I manage to get out of the house and on foot exploring Nature.

Otherwise I've gotten very little done creatively.  I did spin a little this week and while I love it, I don't seem to do it very often.  It's taken me over a year to spin one pound of roving.  Okay I haven't actually finished up that pound of roving yet, but I'm not too far away from the end.  Then I need to dye it and ply it.  In that order.  I'm going to try kool-aid dyeing and see how that goes.  Not sure which colors though.

I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to knit with it though.  It will be a sport yarn/dk weight when I'm done but I haven't explored any patterns yet.

I did get my pencils out and drew a bit but I'm not very good at it and I've lost so much ground that it's disheartening to try to get back to the mediocre level I was at before.  I would get my paints out but the house is a wreck and I have no place to paint right now except the dining table and I need a plastic cover for it.  I don't want to paint on my only tablecloth.

Or maybe I should stop beating myself up and look at what I can accomplish if I put some effort into it.  I have such a fear of failure that I just don't try. 

And so I am off to try.  Unless I fall asleep and take a nap instead.  Which might actually be the better idea tonight.  Professor is very adamant that he will use the puppy pads in the middle of the night but will not use them once the sun is up so I am required to get up quite early to let him out...several times...before I am actually ready to get up.  It's like having a perpetual toddler all the time.

Off to stick my French Bread pizza in the oven and then to bed for knitting, tv watching and dozing.


  1. Yes, no more beating yourself up. You are doing exactly what you are meant to be doing in the moment you are doing it. Or, you're in preparatory mode. :) Hope you are resting up and giving yourself time.

  2. Thanks,guys. I do feel a bit better today although still dragging and down a bit. But better.