Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Enduring the down days

I was down enough today because of this fog I live in where I have no ambition and no creativity.  This fog called depression that drifts into my life with alarming frequency and limits my vision to what is really out there.  I've learned to just wait until it clears although it's not easy and not fun living in this claustrophobic box.

Then Professor, being a dog with chihuahua killer instincts, killed his nemesis, the rat-bastard chipmunk.  It was quick, thankfully, and I praised him for his efforts but it still left me sad.  As I took the little guy to the trash bin, I offered up my sorrow to the Goddess and thanked her that life goes on the way it does because if it happened the way I wanted we would be knee deep in pests and parasites.  Why do they have to be so cute?

I'm not having the spiritual retreat I envisioned.  I've been too depressed for that, but I have been lighting candles for those who need it.  One candle will be dark tonight as I feel it's not needed anymore; the other two will be lit for as long as they are needed. 

I want to get excited about Samhain, decorating and such but I have to wait out the depression.  Any efforts to artificially end it always ends badly.  But I did buy a new bird feeder yesterday.  It was cheap, made of recycled materials and plastic.  I hesitated over the plastic aspects as we have harsh winters and I wouldn't want it to crack in a freeze but as I said, it was cheap and recycled.  If it doesn't last, I'll buy another wooden one. 

Once it was up it didn't take the birds long to appreciate it.  It's beside the old feeder so they often used both, but I noticed new birds I hadn't noticed before.  Nuthatches.  My cardinal was back as well as the finches.  And my beloved crows were bitching out the black cat from two doors down who tends to lurk in my thicket.  And likes to sit just out of the length of Professor's leash. 

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.  At least I'm not mired down with days and days of depression.  As I told Tana, if I just let it run its course it's a much shorter period of time than if I try to overcome it.

So I am off to light candles and knit on my poncho and finish up some things I've started on dvr.  I think I'll light a candle for the wee chipmunk, too.

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