Saturday, March 12, 2011

Seeker me

I can't say anything changed overnight.  I didn't wake up feeling like a Druid or feeling like I knew the answers.  Nor do I feel particularly spiritual today as opposed to the past few weeks.  But I do have indications that I might be on the right path least that I'm looking at it more closely.

The Tarot had been giving me gibberish lately, even after invoking Apollo and consecrating the deck to him.  And I mean complete gibberish.  I'm not great at reading the cards yet, but this was just not making any sense.  So I tried again today after lighting a candle and some heated oil (I water it down or it makes my eyes water) while trying hard to concentrate.  Initially I couldn't get the Greek path off my mind so I just did the cards asking if that was the right direction.  It was interesting that that reading told me that my past was strong, my present was weak and my future...well, I got the Death card.  And no, I don't think staying on the Greek path means I'm going to die.  But I did intuit that it might mean that this could be a spiritual death. Especially in light of feeling as empty as I do now.

So I tried again while focusing on the Celtic path.  I was amazed as the cards said my past was very weak, my present was in a good place and my future was going to be incredible.  Don't ask me what the cards were because I can't for the life of me remember now...just that I had swords for the past, and cups for the present and future.  I could look them up and figure out which ones I had but that would mean moving and I'm really tired right now.  This medicine is supposed to be non-drowsy but I'm sleeping a lot!

I'm not getting all giddy, figuring out that I know the answer yet, but I do think I'm getting close to the answer. Especially in light of finding out from Dark Mother yesterday that the owl is associated with Hecate, and as I had a connection with her before moving to Greek polytheism and none afterward, that might really be significant.  The "come home" request might have meant that she wasn't happy with me practicing Greek rituals in a Celtic pantheon.  But who knows?

As I'm not good at figuring out what's good for me, I'm going to just take it a bit easy and let this happen, if it's meant to happen.  I got my Druidry and Wiccan books out of the armoir and put them alongside my Greek books and I've got a book on order from the library on Celtic mythology.

But I must say that I never felt that charge of energy with the Greeks like I did with the Celts.  Even last night, when bringing out Cernunnos's candle, I felt a bit energized lighting it.

Still, I don't want to keep hopping from one thing to another so I'm going to just drift down the river for a bit and see what happens.

It sucks to be so afraid of commitment.


  1. I say hop hop away. I pray to many Goddesses and Gods from all Pantheons. I don't think they are like the Christian God wherein it's explicity stated not to put any other God before Him.

    But, again, this is just my humble opinion.

    May you go wherever your heart leads you, and tell your head to have a seat and relax ; )

  2. Oddly, I don't have a problem mixing pantheons from the Celtic side, but I just couldn't do it from the Greek side. I did try but it felt really wrong for some reason.

    I will try very hard to get my head to shut up and let my heart follow, but as my heart is still very scarred from the hurts of the past, it's not as reliable as I would like it to be.

    Very good advice, though. Thanks.