Saturday, March 26, 2011

No church for me

Things continue to improve spiritually. I'm moving more and more into my comfort zone, finding my niche in the Pagan world.  Tom is absolutely supportive of me, helping me in any way he can.  When I read today that frankincense is good for combating depression (and since I can't take anti-depressants, not even St. John's Wort) he told me to find some online and buy it.  And he didn't even mention the stove needing to be replaced.  So I plan on looking for some.

I also watched a PBS concert I had on my dvr last night, thinking I would delete it afterward, but it was so good I want to keep it.  It's Celtic Thunder and they are so good.  I love men's voices as that is more my range for singing (and I used to sing special music in church...don't miss it a bit) so this is a nice complement to my Celtic Woman cds.  Unfortunately, StuffMart doesn't have any of their stuff.  I'll look online for it and maybe next month get it.

I'm loving my Pagan Prayer Book and use it several times a day.  I still love my Homeric Hymns, too.  Beautiful stuff!  I'm doing better at developing rituals and routines, but not so much for staying offline.  I'm back to spending way too much time here and not enough reading, writing and crafting. 

I stopped off for a cheap meal at Wendy's, forgetting the Christian Boy still worked there.  He asked me if I was going to church tomorrow.  I panicked and told him I was if I could get up.  He then said (a bit snarky, too) that I should just set the alarm.  Then I made some lame excuse about insomnia (which isn't really lame because it's the truth) but I felt so defensive and was kicking myself for letting a kid make me so nervous about my spirituality.  Truth is, I don't want to talk to him about it, but I don't want his lectures either.  Or him telling his fundie/dominionist father about it who would then talk about it in men's group and put me on the prayer list to save my soul again.  I'm a frequent enough customer at Wendy's that if I said something about his pressuring me on religion they would talk to him but he is only being sociable because he thinks I'm still a Christian.  I hope next time I can stand up and just tell him I don't go to church anymore and just drop it.  I'm such a wuss.

On the other hand, I do have a lot of freedom here at home and don't have to worry about that.  I suspect that someday my parents will find out but if they don't I will remain partly in the closet until then.  They are the only ones I don't want to hurt in all this.  The rest of the world...I don't care about.  I just don't want my parents to worry about my eternal soul this late in their life.

So, I am off to do some reading and studying and then some knitting and dvr watching.


  1. Yes, the frankincense! I need to burn mine and asap as I've been off my anti-depressants for a few weeks now. I feel the GAD returning and at night , just like before which is a little frustrating. I'm hoping yoga will help and tonight I'm going to start listening to Meditation Oasis podcasts which will hopefully lull me to a peaceful sleep.

    Regarding the kid in Wendy's - all I can say is that I hear you! Man, I let certain people make me jump through hoops and then I get so mad at myself. I feel your frustration. It's a process. Then I remind myself how long it took for me to come out to myself. Ha!

  2. "No church for you!" but say it like the soup nazi from Seinfeld ; )

  3. Tana, I'm going to order some today for both Zach and me and hope it helps a bit. Good luck with the yoga. One of my problems with it, besides being round in the middle and not being able to bend, is I have no wall space anywhere in the house and my yoga tape has most of the exercises leaning against a wall.

    Yeah, the kid in Wendy' of these days I'm going to be brave. I'm just really personal and private with my religion...which is what I wish more Christians would be, too. Not you, of're not in-your-face about it. Not to mention most of the ones who are in-your-face wouldn't accept you as part of their group anyway.

    DM, I hate to admit it, but I've never seen Seinfeld. I've got a vague impression of who the soup nazi is, but now I've got to go looking to hear him say it. LOL


  5. OMG that was so funny. I'm going to have to get the series from the library now.