Monday, December 6, 2010

Not feeling respected

I had a bit of an awakening this weekend that brought me to the conclusion that some people, while claiming to be okay with my new path, don't actually take it seriously.  He used my athame to scrape something off his robe and laid crumbly biscuits on my altar cloth without brushing them off.  Yes, I could say something to him but I already did a while back and it made no difference whatsoever.  I'm a bit frustrated by it all and now need to re-consecrate my athame...and cleanse my altar.  He occasionally comes into my room to watch tv with me on the weekends but won't use a tv tray or even let me get him one.  It feels more like contempt for my beliefs than acceptance.

Then there is the eye-roll and the smirk when I start talking about my beliefs.  I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt but there is no denying that he thinks my beliefs are silly.

Still, the tension is gone between us since I left Christianity behind so I'm going to focus on being able to live more openly, even if I must keep the details to myself.  I'm just not sure what to do about my altar.  It's a tiny house and there is no other place to put it.  Besides, it's my altar and should be respected.

I've managed some studying lately, which always gives me a lot to ponder during my day.  Although I do love the Druid path, I would rather make my study more fluid and lifelong than look to achieving a "level" and moving on to the next one.  For me it's all about growing spiritually, emotionally and intellectually.  Not about getting boxes checked off.  Plus, there are aspects of other Pagan paths that feel right to me as well and I intend to incorporate them into my practice as well. 

I was thinking today I would love to start practicing daily rituals that weren't made up on the spot.  I'd rather have more formality to my rituals.  So I'm going to start my Book of Shadows tomorrow, after picking up some loose leaf paper for a 3-ring binder I picked up.  It's one I can decorate on the outside.  I prefer it to one that is already bound because I do tear pages out frequently.

I'm also looking at some prayers to incorporate into a book I can use for meditation purposes.  There is something more organic for me to write them out by hand rather than use the computer to print them out.  Plus I love writing them out.  I've always loved to sit down with pen and paper and write.

I'm hoping this winter I'll be able to stabilize my rituals and routines so by spring I've got a schedule to follow that feels natural.

And I'm really excited about Yule this year.  I'm excited about getting to light Lugh's candle again when he's reborn on Midwinter's Day.  I keep getting hyped up for the festivals but then when they come I don't seem to do much about them, but I really do hope that this Yule, I'll be settled and comfortable with the rituals.  Comfortable enough to make them a permanent part of my life.

Off to knit and watch The Odyssey on tv.  I've been a fan of the Iliad and the Odyssey since junior high school.


  1. I'm sorry that your sacred space isn't being respected. That would be very, VERY frustrating to me.

    I'm excited for Yule too. I'm not connecting to Christian Christmas at all. AT. ALL. My tree is free of any xian references as are my decorations. I'm cool with that.

    I have the olive carving you gave me in the room where my altar is. :)

  2. My privacy has never been respected either so I'm not surprised my sacred spaces haven't been. But it's a trade-off and it is something I can live with. I'll just keep cleansing and reconsecrating.

    I would love to see your altar. I have no idea why your pictures didn't come through. I get pictures all the time in my email.

    I'm so glad you like the olive carving. I'm sure it's much happier in your home than it was in mine. I'll set aside some time this week and pm you a long letter. I'm really trying to keep from withdrawing like I normally do this time of year.