Yule is a week away and the possibility still exists that I might actually be ready for it.
Stop laughing. I didn't say how great the possibility was.
I do plan on celebrating it though. So far I've managed to be sick or beyond tired for every festival since becoming Pagan but this one I won't miss. I'm not setting my sights too high and hope to bring about a small, intimate celebration. I have wondered if the energy drain was more about not protecting myself against the potent energies out there at the times of high holidays. I plan on being protected this time.
I've been doing well having daily ministrations with the God/desses and have gotten in a few moments of meditation a day but I'm still having a great deal of trouble focusing more than a few seconds at a time. Still, I persevere. I think I will do better having a written prayer/meditation plan than trying to wing it because I spend a lot of time trying to come up with something to say and then I dissect it wondering if I said the right things. If I can just write some things down and use them as a liturgy of sorts, I think it will flow more smoothly for me. I found some prayers for Hestia as my household Goddess that I plan on copying down into a smaller journal for kitchen use. I've got a bigger journal for my other prayers.
I have been having a flirtation with Hecate lately. I call it a flirtation because I don't know if I'm called to her or not. At times I feel drawn in her direction but most of the time I'm drawn to Danu and other Celtic God/desses. We'll work it out, I'm sure, but for now, I just come when she calls. In time I'll see the patterns emerge and figure out just what our relationship really is.
I forgot to mention that Tom found me a staff while he was out hunting. It's about 6 feet tall and really beautiful. I plan on sanding it down, polishing it and carving ogham on it. And whatever other symbols I feel led to carve on it. He confuses me because there are times he seems so condescending and smirky and at times disrespectful. At other times he's supportive and helpful. I'm kept guessing all the time which he'll be.
But for now I'm not guessing anything. I'm smelling supper cooking so I'm off to finish it off and then my normal routine of crawling under the covers and knitting while watching my documentaries. I've really been enjoying learning about other cultures and religions, something I never allowed myself to watch as a Christian because I was afraid I would lose my faith. Who knew that I would actually lose my faith reading the Bible?