Saturday, March 2, 2013 own way

I've been down with a cold for a couple of days and earlier today I didn't think I would be able to help Tom bring the truck home.  He couldn't get it started the night of the winter storm so we had to drive in high winds and snow with drifts across the rural highways to pick him up.  The normal one hour trip ended up taking 3 instead.

As it turned out, the wind drove snow into the engine; once it dried out it started right up. Thank you, Hermes.  An hour before we had to leave to pick up the truck, I started feeling a bit better.  Not feeling good by any stretch of the imagination but I can move again and I'm not panting with each effort at moving.  For a while I worried I might end up in the emergency room on oxygen.  It was that hard to breathe.  Now I'm fine.

Heard from my older sister today, though, and my mother had a mild stroke.  The family refused to transfer her for more intensive treatment and I'm sure by Monday we will know if the dialysis is going to be discontinued.  A stroke was one of the things they anticipated from the cancerous tumor and was supposed to be a disqualifying mark for more dialysis.  But since she's still talking and aware, I just don't know.  This is hard, but not as hard as it is on my younger sister and my dad, who is still in the hospital.

Spiritually I'm still doing fine.  I'm still confident that the Greeks are the gods I feel the strongest connection with but immersing myself in the Greek culture isn't comfortable for me.  I still lean toward Celtic culture and still love most of the Sabbats.  Some have little or no meaning for me, but then again, some do, especially the astronomical festivals.  I can't necessarily get behind the Greater and Lesser Mysteries on the Greek path, especially when people blog about them and then tell you they can't tell you anything about them because they're...well...mysteries.  Just buy the book and you can read all about them.  Not that I can argue with their logic.  Seems to me that demystifying something sacred does reduce it to the mundane and some things do require more study and not just an outline of how to do it.

Still, I definitely think of myself along the lines of eclectic witch and plan on learning more about folk magic, herb lore and other things of that nature.  I don't have a problem with including magic in my life as I don't view miasma or hubris the way others do.  I don't think I need to be ritually pure in order to approach the gods. I also don't see things in terms of black and white where praxis is concerned.  I'm not going to get pissy about someone worshiping a Greek goddess alongside a Celtic god because that's between them and their deity.  Got nothing to do with me.  Likewise, if I worship the Greek gods and include some Celtic festivals alongside the Greek ones, that's my business as well.  And if another god from another culture approaches me, I'm not going to shut the door in his/her face either.

So far I can only get enthused about the three monthly festivals:  Hekate's Deipnon, Agathos Daimon, and Noumenia and some daily rituals.  Those make a lot of sense to me and fit very well into my lifestyle.  But some of the others I don't know...perhaps I can on some level observe them without going all out but I just don't see myself turning my whole lifestyle into some kind of Greek cultural event.  Plus, I wear what I wear when doing ritual.  I don't have plans to wear a chiton or whatever the Greek ladies wore in antiquity.  I do have a headdress I crocheted that I like but it's mostly for special rituals that I want to set apart...not daily or monthly.  Not that I am criticizing people who do immerse themselves into the culture.  If they are happy doing that, I think it's great, but it's not who I am.  I'm jeans and hooded sweatshirt.  Or even sweats.  Although I do have a black cape and witch's hat.  Just for special occasions.  And just for fun.

I said I was going to walk this my way and I am doing that so far.  Which, honestly, is a huge step for me.  I have had to break away from the all-or-nothing mentality.  If I walked a particular path, I had to do it exactly and perfectly the way it was supposed to be.  Now I don't feel so inclined.  I know the gods I love but I also love other aspects of the pagan world that I want to incorporate into my practices.  It is my path, after all.

Well, I've heard from my sister and everything is still up in the air so I think I will go to bed and call my mother tomorrow. 


  1. When the shit hits the fan, it really flies doesn't it. Being in the middle of a shitstorm of very different sizes and shapes I can only say that at this point I am in the hour by hour (sometimes taking it 15mins at a time) mode. Anything more than that and I feel like I can't breathe.

    Hugs honey.

    1. My cold is back with the raging headache. Can't sleep for coughing and I had to get up and eat something because my stomach was growling. I didn't eat a lot yesterday. When I feel like this I don't care about the gods or about spirituality or anything. I just want to feel better. I'm such a whiner. LOL