Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Breaking through the chaos

Zach has had an awakening with his spirituality after months of apathy and lethargy.  He's asked me not to be specific at this stage, but generally he will be learning folk magic and celebrating the Wheel of the Year.  Since I, too, intend to learn and practice folk magic, we'll be working together some of the time and I've assured him I would be pleased to celebrate the Sabbats with him.  He, in turn, plans on sharing some of my Hellenic feasts as well.  For the most part, though, I  plan to keep magic distinct from my worship of the gods although not separate.  If that makes any sense.  I know many of the reconstructionists believe it's hubris to practice magic and I do respect their viewpoint on it.  I just don't happen to share it.

Zach is busy organizing his room, trying to find some kind of order in there.  It's not easy for him because he has OCD.  Clinical OCD, not the fashionable kind where people insist they have it because they're picky about something.  OCD can be very debilitating and not everyone who has it is a neat freak.  Zach's chaos is very important to him and for him to give it up is a huge thing.  So far, so good.  No meltdowns like the last time he tried this.

I'm trying to wade through the chaos in the rest of the house, not having OCD but having enormous fatigue and stress from now having both parents in care:  Mom in the nursing home and Daddy in the hospital.  It may very well be that I said good bye to both parents when I was down there.  Still, it's important for me to find that order in my life because I can't deal with the stress from that if the stress from a chaotic home is overwhelming me.  And it is.  I have had multiple trips to town this week running errands, paying bills, picking up things I forgot to get last trip.  And then my coffee pot carafe exploded today as my husband was pouring me a cup.  I had actually been wanting a bigger one as mine was only 4 cups and I drink more than that (and Zach drinks decaf with me) but couldn't justify it.  I guess the gods found a way for me to justify it.  Got to love their humor even if it is my money they are playing with.

I've had some really good connections with the gods since committing to them.  I had a brief ritual in which I did that...with a bit of fear involved since making a commitment is a serious undertaking.  But I felt I was ready.  And I have no regrets about it.  It doesn't mean that things won't change in the future; it just means that now I can focus on this instead of worrying about hopping off in another direction.  I no longer feel pulled in two and that is a great feeling!

Tonight will be just normal ritual:  prayers, reading from different books and some quiet time with the candles and incense.  And then an early night so I can get up and get busy tomorrow.  At least I hope it's an early night.  The roads are a bit treacherous with drifting snow and now it's snowing again so I hope Tom can make it home safely in the truck...which as we all know is crap on snow.  I don't know if I will be able to sleep until he's safely inside the door.  I think some time at Hermes's/threshold altar is called for.  And I should thank him for helping me get safely home as we saw two accidents today.  I normally only see one a year.


  1. Most people have no idea the truth about a specific mental illness such as OCD or Bipolar. The stereotypes often rule. It sucks.

    1. I agree. And I hear all kinds of references to someone's mouth running away with them as Tourette's. Which kind of pisses me off but what can you do. People know what they know about mental illnesses from Hollywood. And they're not known for being accurate about any of them.