Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Ostara or not...hard to get in the mood

And I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm in a low point right now due partly to not feeling well, partly to not having transportation thereby limiting my options.  And I'm feeling particularly whiny these days.

I keep reading as much as I can about the Norse path and  no matter how much progress I think I've made, I've barely tapped into the fountain of knowledge that is in the books I've got.  Not to mention the books and internet sources out there.  In many ways it's like a different language.  One thing I particularly love about Our Troth is the history of religion, tracing the Norse path from the proto-Indo-European groups.  I lived for years with a religion that couldn't stand the scrutiny of truth so I appreciate knowing where my ancestors came from and how they came to rely on and worship their gods.  Well, anyone's ancestors for that matter as I consider all the ancestors "mine" in one form or another.

I had an epiphany about my former threshold altar/shrine that had been dedicated to Hermes and Zeus previously.  I was reading in my Heathen books about animals and how valued they were in spiritual aspects so I chose to put all my statuettes in that place, including my rooster picture.  The space really reflects some good feelings there.  Except I could use a wolf statue. Mostly because my husband hates them so much that he would like to eradicate them from the earth because they kill fawns. He views them as competition in deer hunting.  I couldn't respond to him when he said that because the hatred was so volatile.  I was afraid to set him off.  I've loved wolves for years and just can't handle that kind of attitude.  So I'd like to have a wolf on my altar to honor their spirit and pray for their continuation in light of the state assembly authorizing wolf hunts in this state.  Grrrrr. Protect your livestock and animals, yes.  Hunt for sport...fuck, no!

I'm not sure if we will do anything tonight for Ostara/Vernal Equinox/ Alban Eiler...whatever.  I might wait until I feel ready for it.  Or not at all.  It's not the end of the world if I don't have anything formal set up. I might just sit and meditate about the season changes and look at the pretty candlelight.  Sometimes that's enough.

In the meantime, I'm going to take a nap. I got little sleep last night because I had to get up to take Zach to the dr for labs and tomorrow I have to get up early to run some errands.  Another reason I'm down in the valley today.  I really hate this near-continuous isolation whenever one of our cars breaks down.  And they always break down. In the past 6 months, I've been without transportation 3 different times.  And the only reason the truck was fixed the previous two times was because Tom was going up north for hunting and fishing. If he doesn't go anywhere, the other vehicle has been known to sit there for months.  Because if he can get to work, nothing much else seems to matter.  Granted, he only has one day a week to work on it, but he's been known to take a vacation day to help his brother fix up his cabin up north.  'Just sayin'.

I've got to get out of this pissy mood. No wonder the gods are avoiding me lately.

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