Thursday, June 2, 2011

I need a make-over

I've been a bit of a mess the past couple of weeks...tired, no sleep, no energy, no motivation.  When I'm like that my spiritual life usually reflects all that so beyond a few nights of lighting candles, light meditation and some prayers, nothing has been going on.  I did figure out that my focus on politics has been draining whatever energy I had left away from my spiritual life so I'm cutting way back on the political reading and trying to focus more on Pagan blogs and articles online.  I also would like to get back to my Druid books that I paid good money for.

I mentioned on my other blog that I plan on making changes to both blogs.  The other one, only minor changes having to do with content...more pictures, less whining...that sort of thing.  This one, I would like to change the direction of.  Initially it was a place for me to figure out my path.  Now I'd like it to be a place of learning (me!) growing (me!) and maybe even feedback (you!)  I'm not saying I know my path now, but I know it better than I did when I first started.

I also want to change the title as it really doesn't reflect anything about the blog anymore.  It was the name of a character in a book never finished and I no longer can relate to that character.  Plus no one knows who the hell I'm talking about anyway.  So I'm pondering a new name for the blog, something that reflects where I am now and where I'd like to be in the future.

I do think I'm feeling better spiritually in spite of the health problems and lack of motivation to do anything about them.  I know that in spite of not having rituals or formal prayers, the god/desses are never far from my thoughts and I frequently speak to them no matter where I am.  In fact, when I was a Christian it was such a struggle to keep god in my thoughts whereas now, they are never far from them.  What a difference walking with the right deities makes.

So I continue to ponder a new name and a new perspective.  As much pondering as my puny brain will let me anyway.  I hope to have decided by the weekend although I'm not limiting myself to a time frame.  I hate the pressure of deadlines.


6 comments:

  1. Yeah, did you read my Note on FB? I had to stop reading all the links and worrying about all the stuff that I can't fix or control. :)

    Looking forward to the changes you make to your blog. Ah, growth.

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  2. Yes, I did read it and it coincided with my intention to stop posting so many links about politics so it was kind of a joyful coincidence type of thing. I also deleted a lot of the conservative "friends" on fb as well, including my aunt who seems to be keeping my mother advised as to what I post on there. I'd rather be "out" and happy than walking on eggshells hoping I don't post the wrong thing or that my aunt doesn't figure out why I have so many Pagan friends. Leaving my old fundie friends from my old fundie church was liberating. I felt so free after I unfriended them. I am my own person now. My sister and her kids already know I'm a Pagan so it's no big deal, and they are confidential about it. What happens on fb stays on fb.

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  3. Living mindfully is a Ritual. Prayer doesn't need candles and incense, it just needs an open and receptive heart.

    Sorry you've been feeling like crap. I know this is a dumb question that you've probably already addressed but have you had a thorough bloodworkup? The thyroid can cause all kinds of madness (speaking from experience).

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  4. Looking forward to your new blog content! I've always wondered who the hell Jhem Terriac is, too. Just didn't want to look dopey by asking!

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  5. Dark Mother, I just had my physical a couple of months ago and my thyroid was fine. Fatigue is generally a package deal with fibromyalgia. I don't know if it's chronic fatigue syndrome or just one of the symptoms of the fibro, but I've struggled against it for over 20 years, since I was diagnosed with the dratted thing. It doesn't help that I'm also diabetic, which causes fatigue, and that I'm on several medications that can cause drowsiness. I know that if I could get my weight under control, my energy levels would raise up a bit, but you need energy to work on dieting and exercise and I just don't have it.

    These are also issues I think about when I'm communing with the god/desses. In my Christian past, I was always told to rely on god who would give me the strength to "endure." He never did. Now I realize that the deities think I'm a big girl and can handle my own problems. It's liberating in one way and frightening in another. I continue to work on it but not obsessing about it is my biggest problem right now as that leaves me paralyzed by fear and doubt.

    I agree about Ritual. That's why I don't feel bad at all about not attending my altar. My deities aren't so egocentric to need my constant groveling (as are yours, I'm sure.) So I have the freedom to interact with them in my own way. Still, that self-discipline thing is part and parcel of it all.

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  6. Debra, thanks. I've been wanting to change my blog title for a while but felt too down to worry much about it. And you're right that no one knows who the fuck Jhem Terriac is anyway. I'm close to figuring out a new title. I want it to reflect who I am and yet be connected to my chosen path. I'm lousy with creativity of late.

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