Thursday, June 2, 2011

I need a make-over

I've been a bit of a mess the past couple of weeks...tired, no sleep, no energy, no motivation.  When I'm like that my spiritual life usually reflects all that so beyond a few nights of lighting candles, light meditation and some prayers, nothing has been going on.  I did figure out that my focus on politics has been draining whatever energy I had left away from my spiritual life so I'm cutting way back on the political reading and trying to focus more on Pagan blogs and articles online.  I also would like to get back to my Druid books that I paid good money for.

I mentioned on my other blog that I plan on making changes to both blogs.  The other one, only minor changes having to do with content...more pictures, less whining...that sort of thing.  This one, I would like to change the direction of.  Initially it was a place for me to figure out my path.  Now I'd like it to be a place of learning (me!) growing (me!) and maybe even feedback (you!)  I'm not saying I know my path now, but I know it better than I did when I first started.

I also want to change the title as it really doesn't reflect anything about the blog anymore.  It was the name of a character in a book never finished and I no longer can relate to that character.  Plus no one knows who the hell I'm talking about anyway.  So I'm pondering a new name for the blog, something that reflects where I am now and where I'd like to be in the future.

I do think I'm feeling better spiritually in spite of the health problems and lack of motivation to do anything about them.  I know that in spite of not having rituals or formal prayers, the god/desses are never far from my thoughts and I frequently speak to them no matter where I am.  In fact, when I was a Christian it was such a struggle to keep god in my thoughts whereas now, they are never far from them.  What a difference walking with the right deities makes.

So I continue to ponder a new name and a new perspective.  As much pondering as my puny brain will let me anyway.  I hope to have decided by the weekend although I'm not limiting myself to a time frame.  I hate the pressure of deadlines.


  1. Yeah, did you read my Note on FB? I had to stop reading all the links and worrying about all the stuff that I can't fix or control. :)

    Looking forward to the changes you make to your blog. Ah, growth.

  2. Yes, I did read it and it coincided with my intention to stop posting so many links about politics so it was kind of a joyful coincidence type of thing. I also deleted a lot of the conservative "friends" on fb as well, including my aunt who seems to be keeping my mother advised as to what I post on there. I'd rather be "out" and happy than walking on eggshells hoping I don't post the wrong thing or that my aunt doesn't figure out why I have so many Pagan friends. Leaving my old fundie friends from my old fundie church was liberating. I felt so free after I unfriended them. I am my own person now. My sister and her kids already know I'm a Pagan so it's no big deal, and they are confidential about it. What happens on fb stays on fb.

  3. Living mindfully is a Ritual. Prayer doesn't need candles and incense, it just needs an open and receptive heart.

    Sorry you've been feeling like crap. I know this is a dumb question that you've probably already addressed but have you had a thorough bloodworkup? The thyroid can cause all kinds of madness (speaking from experience).

  4. Looking forward to your new blog content! I've always wondered who the hell Jhem Terriac is, too. Just didn't want to look dopey by asking!

  5. Dark Mother, I just had my physical a couple of months ago and my thyroid was fine. Fatigue is generally a package deal with fibromyalgia. I don't know if it's chronic fatigue syndrome or just one of the symptoms of the fibro, but I've struggled against it for over 20 years, since I was diagnosed with the dratted thing. It doesn't help that I'm also diabetic, which causes fatigue, and that I'm on several medications that can cause drowsiness. I know that if I could get my weight under control, my energy levels would raise up a bit, but you need energy to work on dieting and exercise and I just don't have it.

    These are also issues I think about when I'm communing with the god/desses. In my Christian past, I was always told to rely on god who would give me the strength to "endure." He never did. Now I realize that the deities think I'm a big girl and can handle my own problems. It's liberating in one way and frightening in another. I continue to work on it but not obsessing about it is my biggest problem right now as that leaves me paralyzed by fear and doubt.

    I agree about Ritual. That's why I don't feel bad at all about not attending my altar. My deities aren't so egocentric to need my constant groveling (as are yours, I'm sure.) So I have the freedom to interact with them in my own way. Still, that self-discipline thing is part and parcel of it all.

  6. Debra, thanks. I've been wanting to change my blog title for a while but felt too down to worry much about it. And you're right that no one knows who the fuck Jhem Terriac is anyway. I'm close to figuring out a new title. I want it to reflect who I am and yet be connected to my chosen path. I'm lousy with creativity of late.