Sometimes you just have to snark

Earlier this week I did some candle time with my green and blue candles, invoking financial wisdom and motivation to get my butt in gear to begin the journey back to health.  I'm still sitting on my ass but the checking account wasn't as dire as I thought it was going to be.  We're not swimming in it, but we're not ready to declare bankruptcy yet.  Thank the Goddesses!  And the Gods!  I wasn't asking for a miracle but what I got was darned close to it.

Now that the property taxes are paid...well they will be tomorrow...maybe my head will clear enough I can start retaining the things I'm learning about herbs and crystals.  I've been watching a lot of history and science documentaries on tv and that has helped the few remaining brain cells to actually do their job but I do miss the times when I could read something and remember it.

I still would like to structure my time better, even allowing for a brief acknowledgment at the altar on a regular basis.  Nothing fancy or long but just that moment when I greet the God/desses.  But mostly I'd like to structure the day so I'm accomplishing things like writing, knitting, designing, drawing...stuff like that.  I would do that much better in a clean house so there is that time that must be set aside as well.  At times I wish I could be a witch like Samantha in Bewitched so I could just twitch my nose and the laundry is not only done, but pressed and put away.  Alas, I must use my own measly energy for such mundane matters.

I may have to unfriend a person on facebook.  We're not friends, but I do keep an eye on what she's up to.  She was a fundie who returned to the Catholic church and now she's more Catholic than the Pope and yet still retains a lot of her fundie teachings...and sees Satan in every closet.  Everything that happens is a conspiracy that involves the freemasons and the "homosexual agenda" is out to indoctrinate kids everywhere.  I just can't take it anymore.  She's one of those who has done everything:  been a Wiccan for a while, worked in the porn industry (behind the camera, of course) was a militant evil feminist, claims to have been a journalist, brags about her military career (she and hubby went awol during basic training to run away to get married but thinks there was a corrupt conspiracy to ruin their reputations and careers.)  All this before she turned 30.  Her Christian life includes having been involved in "deliverance" ministries that the Catholic church recognized and made her and her husband lay exorcists, a charge she couldn't prove when faced with incontrovertible evidence to the contrary.  She claims to be a doula in spite of no training.  She thinks having had 3 kids in 4 years gives her the experience she needs.  At one time she was a lay nun of the Carmelites.  And claims to be doing research for a book she's writing.

There is much more but the main thing that gets to me is how she's living off the government (welfare, medicaid) while living with her husband's family and thinks Obama is a socialist.

Still, I'm not sure I have the energy to spare anymore.  Curiosity keeps me friending her.  She's so outrageous it's like a train wreck you can't stop gawking at.  But there comes a time when maybe you should start the car and move on.  I mean, eventually you should at least try to get to your destination.

I suppose I could just hide her for a while and see if the addiction goes away.  Then I could just unfriend her without suffering withdrawal.

Some really burning irony today on my sister's facebook page.  She was talking about people in your life that create too much drama and interfere too much in your life and maybe it's time to just walk away from them.  I laughed so hard I nearly fell out of my chair.  This is the person who manipulated me and guilted me into spending money  I didn't have (thereby forfeiting a new breast prosthesis to replace the duct taped one) to go visit my parents because she and my other sister thought I should.  This is the person who thinks it's her place to tell me what's wrong with me and how to fix it because she's the older sister.  This is the person who smugly looks down her nose at me because she thinks I'm so jealous of her and want her life.

The irony...it burns.

I haven't had anything to do with either sister since the summer.  Peg hasn't noticed because she's gotten remarried and is still bragging about how wonderful her life is now that she has a husband (and someone to pay her bills as she's not working now either) and how domestic she is (she used to denigrate my choice to stay home and raise my son by insisting I was jealous of her degree and her life.)

Neither she nor my sister are interested in my life except to tell me how to live it and none of my nieces or nephew pay any attention to me on facebook.  I suspect they're hidden me, in fact, because last summer I updated my father's condition after he got out of the hospital and they didn't respond to it.  In fact they only responded when one of my nieces mentioned the same thing.

I'm an obvious embarrassment to the whole family.  And I don't fucking care.  In fact, I love it that they are ignoring me and leaving me alone.  For too many years I subjected myself to my sister's authority and even to my parents' authority because I was too weak and too timid to stand on my own ground.  I love that I can take a stand now, albeit a small stand.  I won't out myself to my parents because it would really hurt my mother.  I don't care much about my dad's feelings but I don't want to have my mom's last years spent worrying that I'm going to hell. 

Okay, yeah, I'm a bit snarky today because of Peg's fb status.  But I absolutely don't envy her or her life.  I'm just sorry she can't see why.

Blessed be.