Movie viewing, mini-spoiler alert and prayer

We went to see Voyage of the Dawn Treader last night and loved it...until the end where one little line really diminished our enjoyment.  Not that we should have been surprised.  Lewis was, after all, a devout Christian apologist.  Still it's been educational watching shows like this from the outside in.  Most of our life has been from the inside out.  I loved the movie but I do believe it's the last one that will be made.  The Pevenseys won't be in anymore (except the Last Battle which is nothing more than a thinly veiled fantasy about the end times.)  Although I would probably pay money to go see any that might be made in the future.

I woke up this morning aching and depressed but a visit from my bff tramadol and another snooze put me in better shape.  Depression is never easy but it's easier as a Pagan than as a Christian. 

I am reading a book about the festivals from a Wiccan perspective and the rebel in me gets a bit tight-lipped whenever I see statements that seem like absolutes.  As in pronounciations.  A few Wiccans might pronounce Litha with a th sound but most Wiccans pronounce it as Leeha.  Even though the author admits that the original pronounciation is Litha with a th.  Bite me.  She makes it sound as if those pronouncing it with a th sound are sadly and woefully wrong.  Makes me want to pronounce it with a th.

I'm only perusing this book.  I had to order it from another library so I couldn't get a preview of it.  It's not really my cup of tea but I have learned a few historical and mythological things from the book so it's not a total loss.  I've also got Ronald Hutton's book Triumph of the Moon, which seems to have been met with mixed reviews.  It's got tiny print so it will take a while to read (not because of the size of the font but because that makes the book much bigger than it seems.)  I've got an intellectual crush on the good Professor but I hope to read it with an open mind.  I won't let myself be charmed into believing anything ever again.  Unfortunately it's the only book in the library system written by him and I am in total lockdown financially from now on so there won't be any Amazon.com purchases in the future.

My last great hurrah was a necklace for me, one for Zach and a greeting card of a dragon for his wall.  After this, no more spending except for essentials.  I consider it a challenge to utilize my resources better and more efficiently.  I used to be pretty good at it and then fell off the wagon.  I have more help now...Hestia, Brigit, and any other household god/desses who are available.  I can guarantee you Yahweh only wanted more of my money and didn't want to help me at all.

I'm getting there in establishing daily ministrations and observances.  I'm still not comfortable with prayer.  Asking for anything makes me uneasy, but I know that's a holdover from my Christian-begging-for-God-to-help-me stage in which we were indoctrinated into believing that if we ask, he will give it to us.  It got to the point where asking becomes demanding that God live up to his promises.  And what's the deal with asking over and over for the same things?  That was another thing I never could wrap my head around.  It's not like Yahweh has a short memory.  Asking over and over again...or having large numbers of people praying for you...smacks of teasing and toying with someone.  So only someone who has large numbers of friends will get prayers answered?  Or people who have large networks?  Or someone who asks to the point of begging?

So you see why I'm awkward about praying.  It's hard to step outside the paradigm of Christian prayers with all the declaratory sentences:  give me this or have this happen for me.  Just not comfortable asking a supreme being to do my will.

I'll work it all out eventually and I know the god/desses have patience with me.  Plus, after spending a lifetime believing I needed a supreme being's help in any decisions or any action on my part, I'm learning to stand on my own two feet and be responsible for myself.  I like it, even if it is a bit hard to do initially.

Off to finish cleaning the kitchen and my bedroom.  I have some things I need to consecrate tonight so I am planning a short ritual and meditation time.  I still can't meditate longer than a minute or so, but I am learning to listen to the silence.  It's amazing how much is in that silence.

Blessed be.