Tuesday, January 24, 2012

With permission

When my depression sinks to a certain level, there isn't even a smidgen of spirituality left in me.  It's like it floats away, leaving me empty inside.  Which is what depression feels like a lot...emptiness.  So, I'm trying to ride it out and quit fighting the momentum.  I skipped a day of prayer and attending my altar but last night I did light the candles and incense because they do help with my focus and sometimes that focus can help lift the depression, even if it's only a miniscule amount.

I had been reading too may Hellenic sites that were either recon or close to it.  I am able to understand where they're coming from more now, but still disagree that this is the only way to honor and worship the Greek gods.  A few of them made me so angry with their rigidity that I deleted them so I wouldn't be tempted to go back there and read more.  One site didn't make me angry but I couldn't make heads or tails out of just what the hell they were talking about.  I can be a deep thinker but they were digging toward the core of the earth.  Way beyond what I want in my relationship with the gods.

I finally found the 2012 calendar from Hellenion giving all the various holy days and celebrations for the year but I just can't seem to get enthused about it.  It's not that the ceremonies aren't beautiful.  They are!  But it's so not me.  So I had a talk with the gods at the altar with my candles and incense lit and told them that I was sorry but I just couldn't worship them in that way.  That my way was more the path of Nature, more eclectic with a lot of Druid overtones and that if they couldn't accept that, then I was sorry but I just couldn't do it the "Greek" way.  I said I would understand if they decided to pack up their luggage and leave, but that my heart was with them, just not the way their followers worship them.

For quite a while I stood there feeling nothing at all, as if the gods were convening and taking it under advisement.  Then, just when I was about to blow the candles out and go to bed, I felt that warm glow I always feel when I am connected with the gods.  All is well.  I'm not sure everyone is on board with this manner of worship but I know that the ones I honor the most are.  So with permission I will follow the path I see laid out before me even if it seems a bit off to some out there.

Now that's not to say that I won't find myself performing a ritual derived from the groups that are recon or close to it.  Or that I won't still pour a libation to Hestia every day.  But I just can't be exclusively Hellenic.  It just isn't where my path is taking me.

I'll figure out what to do with the various stops on the Wheel that are more Celtic in design and adapt them to the Greeks I worship.  I don't think it will be a daunting task at all.  I just have to keep in tune with what's going on with Nature and how the gods fit into that.

But now I need some sleep or I will fall over while lighting the candles tonight.  Might be another night I skip ritual and sleep instead. 

There are worse things to do, after all.


  1. I'm glad you received the warm glow of connection! It's much better to perform a sincere ritual no matter its format than to do some "correct" ritual that means nothing to you. You are wise to understand that.

    1. Thanks, Debra. I don't feel terribly wise but I am learning from my mistakes and trying not to repeat them. Maybe that's wisdom, after all.

  2. I know that feeling of aloneness, like even The Goddess has left me. I too felt that way years ago. Then I realized, it is during those times that she is with me most. However, her quietness is so I can be quiet and go through the cycle. When I emerge, I feel her and know she was there all along.

    It's kind of like that Footprints poem, but not about Jesus.

    1. That's beautiful, you hippy devil, you. :) It's so good to finally have a connection that feels right. And comforting. I'll think about what you said next time I have that empty feeling. :)

  3. Now, you don't know me at all. And my opinion likely doesn't matter a tiny bit to you, but I like when people comment with their opinions on my blog whether or not I know them, so here goes.

    I don't think any religious path has it Right. There are good bits and bad bits to all of them. I think that we mortal humans are far more concerned with the technicalities of how to worship the Gods and Goddesses than they are. Intent isn't the only thing to be sure, but it's important. Is your desire to honor them? It sounds like it, so in my humble opinion whatever you do that you feel is fitting is suitable.

    As long as something doesn't feel deeply wrong or disturbing to you I don't see a reason you shouldn't embrace it for as long as it works. They Gods and Goddesses will find a way to let you know if they are displeased, but it sounds as though your heart is in the right place :)

  4. Welcome, Anyfean! I am interested in everyone's opinions; I hope you feel welcome here.

    I agree that the path must suit the person walking it. It's taken me a long time to get rid of old indoctrinations that have damaged me and my son but I hope I'm making progress. I'm not beating myself up anymore when my path veers or I find another trail that leads to something more beautiful. I used to look at it as failure that I wasn't set on the "right" path but now I realize whatever path I'm on is the right one for me. :)

    Thanks so much for commenting!