Saturday, January 28, 2012

Saturday night, nothing special

I ordered the book Rituals of the Dark Moon on the recommendation of Hippy Jersey Devil and I'm really anxious to get it.  It should be here in a week or so. 

I really need to get busy studying all the books I've got set out and start defining the rituals I want to incorporate into my worship.  I'm a lover of ritual, one of those people who are drawn to it magnetically.  It's just finding the ones you can use as a solitary practitioner don't always line up with my spiritual mindset.  I've got to learn to adapt them to my needs and I think I've grown enough to do that now.

I worked on my room yesterday, added my corn maiden to the altar but she's not sitting well.  Seems wrong somehow.  So she's going back into the armoir for now.  Maybe I'll add her back at the first harvest.  Still wondering what to do for Imbolc, if anything.  Pan has been whispering in my ear again, telling me to spend more time outdoors.  And not time between the car and the store.  Time in Nature again.  It may be that I should look at Imbolc as the promise of spring and appeal to Pan, since he's the one nudging me right now. It really falls into place for me with him as the focus.  Not so much trying to fit Hestia in or invoking Brighid, whom I don't have a connection with anymore.  If I ever did.

I've been pushing myself to speak up more in the facebook Pagan groups I'm a member of.  I get nervous about it but I'm making some friends in the Madison group and since I might be able to meet up with them, it's a bit exciting.  Especially since one of them is from Feral Druidry, a blog I've been reading off and on for a while.  Not all are Wiccan, which is what I thought at first when we were an email group.  There are many different spiritual disciplines and they have been so helpful to me on my journey to find out what my path is. One girl, from Witchy Rambles, is moving near Madison soon and she recommended a book called Candlemas that is in the library system. I have it on hold and might find some rituals that work for me for Imbolc.  I can't explain how hard it is for me to jump into a group of unknown people and expose myself, no matter how kind they have seemed.  I'm such a recluse.  But...if Zach doesn't have D&D the next time there is a meetup, we're going.

But for now, I'm enjoying forging friendships online even if I'm doing a terrible job of it.  I just lost the know-how after being a recluse for so many years.

Sad news...a young man from our former fundie church was killed in Afghanistan on Wednesday.  He was one of the good guys, always nice to Zach, although they weren't friends really.  We saw him in the school's production of Beauty and the Beast and although he had a minor role, he was brilliant in it.  I'll be lighting a candle for him tonight and offering up the incense to Hermes, who carried his soul to the underworld and Hades, who judged him.  And whisper to Persephone to speak on his behalf.  Zach says he has no clear memories of him but he has blanked out a lot of what went on there.  Still, I liked David and his parents although I'm sure they would be horrified if they knew that I invoked Pagan gods on behalf of their son.  I guess I just won't tell them.

Early to bed tonight.  I just need some down time to rest and restore myself.



  1. I hope you enjoy the book. From the sounds of it, I think even more now that it really is great for you. All her rituals are for solitaries, so that part is good for you too. I am not into formal ritual so I do my own thang but everyone has their way, Thank Goddess. I'm so sorry to hear about the boy from your town who died. So very sad that these young men are dying everyday. My heart breaks for their parents. What a tragedy.

    1. Now I'm really getting excited. But I should probably start reading at least one of the books I bought a while ago, about druidry and spellcasting.

      I saw the news clip and our former pastor was up there like a media whore with his whiney, sad voice talking about how brave David was and how he wasn't afraid to die. What bullshit. Of course he was afraid to die. He was twenty-fucking-four years old. It's the crap they pound into their heads about bravery and preferring the next world to this one. I know his parents find comfort in all of this but if it were one of my sons I would be wondering why this god was so fucking bloodthirsty that he keeps telling the good christian leaders to start wars and send other people's children to their deaths. Yeah...I'm pissed off. He was a fucking kid, had his life in front of him.

      Going to cool off now.

  2. Lady Imbrium here, blogger is being fail again.

    I'm really glad to hear that you're expanding your comfort zone to include more of the available community. The Nature Path (whatever form it takes) seems to require both personal/solitary effort AND group effort to really make it into something special. This, of course, is just my opinion so take it as you will. I know that I need both solitary time and time communicating with others to really sort out what I'm experiencing. You're branching out online, and eventually that will cross over into the rest of your life as you get more comfortable talking to people. We're here for you either way. :-)

    I'm going to have to look for Candlemas. I'm familiar with the term from my Catholic upbringing, but not in its older sense. Thanks for the tip!

    Be Well!

    1. There may be people out there who can maintain a solitary practice and be fine with it, but after leaving church I've had to deal with the emptiness that brought. Namely, friends or acquaintances. But ever since chemo I've had problems with putting myself out into new situations and territories. Once I have my community established, I'm fine; it's just establishing that community that fills me with abject terror. But the hunger for that connection is stronger than my need to hide in my house. I hope.

      I'm eager to check out the book. I hadn't considered Candlemas instead of Imbolc since I tend to shy away from any of the Christian derivatives of Pagan observances. It's one of the biggest problems I had with Brighid. But I need to get over that and either ignore or just deal with what Christianity did in order to assimilate the Pagans.

  3. ~hugs~ :) I'm glad you started posting in the FB group. I'm nervous about moving so its good to make some connections early! :)

    Since this is my blogger acct.. its Cin from Witchy rambles. Not sure if that was clear. lol.

    I'm sorry you guys had a loss. :( I hope you find comfort in your rituals.

    1. oh and..

    2. Cin!!! I'm so eager to meet you when you finally arrive here. I'm about an hour away from Madison's east side, closer to Fond du Lac than either Milwaukee or Madison. I love your blog!

      Last night's ritual was incredible. I'll probably talk about it more when I post on my blog later but I came away from it feeling very much comforted and refreshed.

      Thanks for the tag. I'll probably get to it on Monday. :)

    3. :) I can't wait to meet everyone too! One we are settled I plan to host open rituals so that I can get to know everyone and network to find others who might want to join the coven I hope to start :)

      And thank you, I'm glad we swapped links. I'm enjoying reading all about your craft!

    4. I'd love to see an open ritual. I've always been solitary since I started down this path and haven't had any in-person interaction with anyone yet. I haven't a clue what to do in a ritual but I'm eager to learn.

      I'm glad we swapped links, too. I love reading your blog.