Saturday night, nothing special

I ordered the book Rituals of the Dark Moon on the recommendation of Hippy Jersey Devil and I'm really anxious to get it.  It should be here in a week or so. 

I really need to get busy studying all the books I've got set out and start defining the rituals I want to incorporate into my worship.  I'm a lover of ritual, one of those people who are drawn to it magnetically.  It's just finding the ones you can use as a solitary practitioner don't always line up with my spiritual mindset.  I've got to learn to adapt them to my needs and I think I've grown enough to do that now.

I worked on my room yesterday, added my corn maiden to the altar but she's not sitting well.  Seems wrong somehow.  So she's going back into the armoir for now.  Maybe I'll add her back at the first harvest.  Still wondering what to do for Imbolc, if anything.  Pan has been whispering in my ear again, telling me to spend more time outdoors.  And not time between the car and the store.  Time in Nature again.  It may be that I should look at Imbolc as the promise of spring and appeal to Pan, since he's the one nudging me right now. It really falls into place for me with him as the focus.  Not so much trying to fit Hestia in or invoking Brighid, whom I don't have a connection with anymore.  If I ever did.

I've been pushing myself to speak up more in the facebook Pagan groups I'm a member of.  I get nervous about it but I'm making some friends in the Madison group and since I might be able to meet up with them, it's a bit exciting.  Especially since one of them is from Feral Druidry, a blog I've been reading off and on for a while.  Not all are Wiccan, which is what I thought at first when we were an email group.  There are many different spiritual disciplines and they have been so helpful to me on my journey to find out what my path is. One girl, from Witchy Rambles, is moving near Madison soon and she recommended a book called Candlemas that is in the library system. I have it on hold and might find some rituals that work for me for Imbolc.  I can't explain how hard it is for me to jump into a group of unknown people and expose myself, no matter how kind they have seemed.  I'm such a recluse.  But...if Zach doesn't have D&D the next time there is a meetup, we're going.

But for now, I'm enjoying forging friendships online even if I'm doing a terrible job of it.  I just lost the know-how after being a recluse for so many years.

Sad news...a young man from our former fundie church was killed in Afghanistan on Wednesday.  He was one of the good guys, always nice to Zach, although they weren't friends really.  We saw him in the school's production of Beauty and the Beast and although he had a minor role, he was brilliant in it.  I'll be lighting a candle for him tonight and offering up the incense to Hermes, who carried his soul to the underworld and Hades, who judged him.  And whisper to Persephone to speak on his behalf.  Zach says he has no clear memories of him but he has blanked out a lot of what went on there.  Still, I liked David and his parents although I'm sure they would be horrified if they knew that I invoked Pagan gods on behalf of their son.  I guess I just won't tell them.

Early to bed tonight.  I just need some down time to rest and restore myself.

BB