Wednesday, January 11, 2012

They're here to stay after all...minus one

Another gorgeous, unseasonal day today with sunshine and temps at around 52F.  But a winter storm watch goes into effect around midnight so the next few days will be spent at home, cozied up on my bed with a blanket on, reading and knitting.

During ritual last night, I called upon the gods and asked if they had a problem with combining Druidry and Greek polytheism and got an incredible warm glow for an answer.  Seriously.  Zach felt something in his room; that's how wild the energy was. 

Well, Artemis was absent from the consensus, but Pan said he would take her place in my deer statuette.

And speaking of Zach...he's been going through a de-tox stage himself, trying to find his way and discovered that he misses the spirituality he had before.  So he's back to studying and finding rituals that fulfill him.  And dragons play a huge role in that as he has been in love with them since he was a toddler and feels that there is some kind of spiritual connection there.  I told him to go for it.

It's good to know that the gods are content to stay.  I would have missed them terribly if they left.  Plus I do get tired of bouncing around all over the ethereal plain trying to find the gods who are interested in me enough to stay and put their feet up.  I feel very much welcome with the Greeks.

I talked to my mother the other day on the phone and she spent over 20 minutes talking to me about her church.  I know her well enough to know that this was her way of "evangelizing" because she's done it to my two older kids many a time.  I don't know that someone has outed me to her, but she does know that we no longer attend church.  A matter that I briefly mentioned and then never brought up again.  So it could be just her way of trying to get me to go back to church.  Although she wasn't happy with us in the Episcopal Church at all because they don't do it right, if you know what I mean.  I tried very hard to sound interested in how their church is growing now that they got rid of their pastor (a frequent occasion at that church) or how my brother-in-law showed up for a friend's baptism and how she was so excited that maybe he'll start coming all the time now (I doubt it) and how much everyone loves my sister who is in charge of the music programs there. 

But she's my mother and I love and respect her although I stay as far away from her as I can because in close proximity she takes it upon herself to criticize everything about me from my weight to the way I wear my hair and how I deal with Zach and what Tom should or should not be doing.  Seriously...shoot me if I ever behave that way with my kids.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, after all.  Or is that absence.  Nah...distance works better for me.

I don't have much of a relationship with my family much anymore.  I rarely hear from my sisters and the obligatory phone calls are the only contact I have with my parents.  And that suits me just fine.  I don't know if there is something wrong with me or not, but if being myself is wrong, then I don't want to be right.  :)

Off to bed, knitting, reading and ritual.



  1. I'm glad to hear that things are settling down some. It's a wonderful feeling to know that someone- mortal or divine- is there for you.

  2. It is a very good feeling. I spent half a century feeling like it was my fault because my "god" wouldn't respond to me. I'm in a much better place, and in better company now.

  3. About the family thing, I spent years avoiding my family because, even though I thought I had them, apparently boundaries were foreign to me. I allowed myself to get emotionally involved in their drama therefore leaving me with a feeling of being drained and .... well, exhausted. I'm happy to say that, with a few hiccups, I feel like I have learned to listen with a compassionate detachment. Wasn't easy and it actually took a few years of not even speaking to some of them to get that way.

  4. I'm not good at leaving those boundaries up. I'm so easily intimidated by my parents although it's very easy for me to stay out of the rest of the family's dramas. Because I just don't fucking care about them. The dramas, that is. But where my parents are concerned, I'll be having this uneasy relationship with them until one of us goes beyond. Therapy hasn't helped a bit.