I've already instigated the new changes to my routine. I was merciless in deleting things from my favorite places and limiting my time online and so far the changes seem to be working. I'm down to an hour in the morning and less than that in the evening. The time not online will be spent working on crafts and such that might be a window into financial opportunities. I'm still nervous about an online store or an etsy shop because of all the legalities and taxes and such but I also keep getting tarot cards that tell me this is a path I should be considering. It's mostly down to no confidence in myself. Why would anyone pay for things I've made?
So I will be limiting my personal knitting and crocheting for evenings while watching television and assigning hours in the day for working on writing, drawing, painting, and other crafts that I feel might be part of my future online store (or flea market.) I'm planning on treating it like a job allowing no interruptions, no errands run during that time and no housecleaning either. I'll do that in the morning while Tom is still here because I can't concentrate on the other things while he's around. Too many interruptions.
I'm feeling more confident about invoking awen, too. I've been reading up on it and I think I understand it and how it works but I'm not sure I could explain it. At any rate, I plan on setting aside time for meditation and study as well. My life will have to be more structured than I'm used to but I'm hoping that will be a good thing. I need a balance between my spiritual, physical and emotional aspects and it's just not happening now. I must be cautious about over-structuring though. I don't want to make this a prison.
Normally my dreams are terribly mundane. I've even been known to clean house in my dreams and wake up wondering why the dishes in the dishwasher aren't clean because I remember starting it in my dream. Or vacuuming. Or doing laundry. I need better dreams! Last night, however, I had a dream that left me with an incredibly sad feeling so this dream really stuck with me all day. I dreamed that I missed Christianity, the people, the rituals, the vernacular. But not the gods. I found that strange, even in my dream. It doesn't take rocket surgery to figure this one out though. I'm just lonely and miss a community. I'm sure it stems from limiting my time online and being afraid that I'll isolate myself to the degree that I'm a recluse.
I do plan on opening myself up more in person, looking for groups that might have similar interests and maybe doing some volunteer work once Zach gets a job. I still believe my spirituality is meant to be solitary (or near solitary with Zach as a fellow participant) for now, but I do think in time I will look for community in that area as well. But for now, maybe book clubs or environmental groups (that aren't too out there) and even knitting groups will suffice. I just need people in my life.
Doesn't mean I intend to give up my online friends though. Or the blog community I've become so fond of. I made the cuts elsewhere, on message boards that I never thought I would give up. And online newspapers. Just how many do I need to read to get a picture of what's going on in the world?
I'm finally feeling eager to get up in the morning and get going. I'm still battling the fatigue but my heart feels lighter and my spirit is eager to learn and grow. Complacency is such a weight on the soul.
My time is up so I'm off to hang the singles I just spun and pick up my knitting for some Masterpiece Theater. Wallander is on and it's fast becoming a favorite.
On a side note, Tom mentioned how much different Halloween will be this year as Zach and I will be celebrating Samhain. He really has been very supportive of our religious shift which totally amazes and delights me.