Sunday, October 10, 2010

Making the changes

I've already instigated the new changes to my routine.  I was merciless in deleting things from my favorite places and limiting my time online and so far the changes seem to be working.  I'm down to an hour in the morning and less than that in the evening.  The time not online will be spent working on crafts and such that might be a window into financial opportunities.  I'm still nervous about an online store or an etsy shop because of all the legalities and taxes and such but I also keep getting tarot cards that tell me this is a path I should be considering.  It's mostly down to no confidence in myself.  Why would anyone pay for things I've made?

So I will be limiting my personal knitting and crocheting for evenings while watching television and assigning hours in the day for working on writing, drawing, painting, and other crafts that I feel might be part of my future online store (or flea market.)  I'm planning on treating it like a job allowing no interruptions, no errands run during that time and no housecleaning either.  I'll do that in the morning while Tom is still here because I can't concentrate on the other things while he's around.  Too many interruptions.

I'm feeling more confident about invoking awen, too.  I've been reading up on it and I think I understand it and how it works but I'm not sure I could explain it.  At any rate, I plan on setting aside time for meditation and study as well.  My life will have to be more structured than I'm used to but I'm hoping that will be a good thing.  I need a balance between my spiritual, physical and emotional aspects and it's just not happening now.  I must be cautious about over-structuring though.  I don't want to make this a prison.

Normally my dreams are terribly mundane.  I've even been known to clean house in my dreams and wake up wondering why the dishes in the dishwasher aren't clean because I remember starting it in my dream.  Or vacuuming.  Or doing laundry.  I need better dreams!  Last night, however, I had a dream that left me with an incredibly sad feeling so this dream really stuck with me all day.  I dreamed that I missed Christianity, the people, the rituals, the vernacular.  But not the gods.  I found that strange, even in my dream.  It doesn't take rocket surgery to figure this one out though.  I'm just lonely and miss a community.  I'm sure it stems from limiting my time online and being afraid that I'll isolate myself to the degree that I'm a recluse.

I do plan on opening myself up more in person, looking for groups that might have similar interests and maybe doing some volunteer work once Zach gets a job.  I still believe my spirituality is meant to be solitary (or near solitary with Zach as a fellow participant) for now, but I do think in time I will look for community in that area as well.  But for now, maybe book clubs or environmental groups (that aren't too out there) and even knitting groups will suffice.  I just need people in my life.

Doesn't mean I intend to give up my online friends though.  Or the blog community I've become so fond of.  I made the cuts elsewhere, on message boards that I never thought I would give up.  And online newspapers.  Just how many do I need to read to get a picture of what's going on in the world?

I'm finally feeling eager to get up in the morning and get going.  I'm still battling the fatigue but my heart feels lighter and my spirit is eager to learn and grow.  Complacency is such a weight on the soul.

My time is up so I'm off to hang the singles I just spun and pick up my knitting for some Masterpiece Theater.  Wallander is on and it's fast becoming a favorite.

On a side note, Tom mentioned how much different Halloween will be this year as Zach and I will be celebrating Samhain.  He really has been very supportive of our religious shift which totally amazes and delights me.


  1. I know what you mean about thinking who would want to buy my stuff from an etsy store, I am going through that myself. I look at what I've made and then compare it to similar, and I feel inadequit. But I often get cards that say something with my crafts is the way I'm supposed to go right now. So I continue to make stuff, while ironing out the minor details to setting up my policies and stuff. It's hard for me to have faith and confidence in myself.

    I read your comment about my dream...I think you're right in that I might already know the meaning/answer but I'm not 100% sure on it. I'll have to look up the different symbols and compare that to what I think it's pointing to.

    Bright blessings!

  2. I think it's like Tarot cards. Sometimes you know instinctively what the cards are telling you. Sometimes you know instinctively what the dream means. But it helps to isolate the symbolism in the reading or the dream to fine-tune it all.

    Have you looked into what is involved in an Etsy shop? I get the impression that I have to have a business license with the state and maybe look into zoning for home business in addition to charging sales tax for my state and any with reciprocal laws. I'm not sure I've got it in me to do that. I'm thinking of maybe craft booths or flea markets though. You can ask Tana, I'm really bad at getting things mailed out so I'm not sure a mail order business is the thing for me.

    Still, I think of my work as being substandard and as such I'm not sure I can sell my stuff effectively. Also in this neck of the woods (Zach calls it the Bible bracelet) I don't know how well Pagan items will sell.