Wednesday, February 13, 2013

When it's time to say good bye

I'm going to go down to see my mother one last time.  After talking to my sisters, I decided seeing her was more important than attending the funeral and they agreed.  They know I won't be able to make both since the funeral is a matter of weeks rather than months.  My mother has renal cancer as well and it has nearly doubled in size in 6 weeks time.  I think the time will come very soon when she stops dialysis.  My older sister asked me which was more important and I realized that the only reason I decided the funeral was more important was because people would think badly of me if I didn't attend my mother's funeral.  My sisters are okay with it and so is my dad.  They're all that matter anyway.  I do think my mother deserves a good bye and that my father will have the support he needs when that time comes.

I'm growing closer and closer to the Greeks.  I had some precious time with Persephone last night, much like I used to have with her.  I asked her to whisper in Hades's ear that my mother was coming soon and that she expected to spend her eternity with her god and to be gentle and help her along her way.  Out of all the gods I think I have the closest connection with her.  That's not to say that I don't connect with the other Greeks.  I have had some amazing times with them. I don't know why I keep running away from them.

I think maybe the Norse are exotic to me and that I mistake wanting to know more about them with wanting to worship them.  I've just never had that connection with them that I have with the Greeks.  When things go wrong in my life, I automatically go to the Greeks.  Never the Norse.  Never the Celtic gods.  Always the Greeks.

I think that's my answer.

So today I will prepare to leave Friday morning.  Zach is staying home with the pets and Tom is driving me down.  I can handle the drive; I just don't want to.  We're losing a weekend of overtime but this time money has to take a back seat to emotion.


  1. Oh you will be in my thoughts and heart over the next few days, friend. I love you.

    1. Thanks so much, Tana. I don't think it's really sunk in yet and I know once I get there it will be very emotional. I don't do well with emotional. :( I love you, too, my dear friend.

  2. I will keep you and your mother in my thoughts. I am sorry to hear about the pain you are both in right now.
    I'm also glad that you are comfortable in your path- whatever that path may be now or later or even later doesn't matter. What matters is that you are happy with each step. Persephone crosses a lot of boundaries and cultural lines. Perhaps rather than a pantheon, it's a few specific gods and goddesses that are calling- possibly from different places? Just a thought, and not one you have to take all that seriously.
    Worry about one step at a time.

    1. Thanks, Lady. Just got back last night so I'm trying to recover from the trip today. I'll post more later but just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your comfort and concern.

      As far as the gods go, I'm open to any god who wants me to interact with him/her but during this period I'm finding an amazing amount of comfort and support from the Greeks. Persephone has been nearby almost constantly and I'm sure when my mother takes her final journey, she will be whispering in Hades's ear all the things I've said to her over the past several days.