Settling in

When I first started blogging on my mundane blog, lo these many years ago, I had wanted the popularity I saw in other knitting blogs.  I wanted to be witty and clever and funny, but I ended up using it as a journal of sorts and a way of keeping in touch with other bloggers I had come to know over the years.  After my day-long experience with the exposure of a lot of people I didn't know (some kind of blessing bomb or something), I came to realize I rather like being an unknown with my little circle of friends.

So, when I had two opportunities this week to promote this blog and gain more readers, I didn't even have to think about it.  It's just not for me.  I wouldn't mind more people reading my blog but I don't want to advertise for them.  If they find me and like what they see, then we're good.  If I start plugging myself to get more readers, then the nature of this blog will change in a way that won't be reflective of who I am. 

I like the people who show up, comment and stick around for as long as they feel like it.  Even if they don't stay for long, it makes me feel warm and cozy.  Well, aside from the troll whose word salad was in some form a condemnation of my spiritual path.  To be honest, if that's the best they could do, they won't be bringing many people "into the kingdom" as they were barely coherent.  But aside from the troll...I like the people who have come to visit.  I know that they're here because we share some commonalities or friendships or interests.  And isn't that better than shilling for numbers?

I picked up some books from the library yesterday and plan on doing some heavy reading for a while.  I got the Poetic Edda, the Prose Edda and Norse Mythology.  Plus I got an Icelandic group on cd singing the Poetic Edda.  In Icelandic, of course.  It's hauntingly beautiful even if I can't understand a word they say.  Or sing.

I love my two volume set of Our Troth.  They contain a ton of information that I am slowly absorbing.  My rituals are still very basic and very limited for now but I'm comfortable with that.  Mornings mostly are the best with Frigg, the candle, incense and me.  My time spent with her is sometimes brief as I have to sneak in there while Tom is either in the shower or upstairs getting ready.  I'm just not ready to expose my rituals to his observations.  And in the mornings, he is in the kitchen or dining room a lot.

I've come to feel a solid connection with the Norse gods in a way I didn't dream would happen when they didn't seem to respond to me at all.  I guess I had to stop trying to stop trying to ride the fence and commit to them before they would commit to me.  I haven't had any second thoughts, nor have I looked back since then.

It helps that the online group I'm a part of is a mixed bag when it comes to reconstructionism.  Not all of them are; some are mostly reconstructionist.  Others are absolutely reconstructionist.  But none of them are dogmatic about it.  What they all have, though, is a lot of information they share in a very non-confrontational way. 

But I think some of it is that I have changed.  It's just not that important anymore that we all agree or that I follow the path rigidly.  I'm feeling so comfortable in my skin these days that I wonder why it bothered me so much in the past.

So...feeling mighty good these days spiritually at least.  Not so much with the chronic insomnia and pain from fibromyalgia but at least my heart and soul are at peace.