Thursday, April 5, 2012

Settling in

When I first started blogging on my mundane blog, lo these many years ago, I had wanted the popularity I saw in other knitting blogs.  I wanted to be witty and clever and funny, but I ended up using it as a journal of sorts and a way of keeping in touch with other bloggers I had come to know over the years.  After my day-long experience with the exposure of a lot of people I didn't know (some kind of blessing bomb or something), I came to realize I rather like being an unknown with my little circle of friends.

So, when I had two opportunities this week to promote this blog and gain more readers, I didn't even have to think about it.  It's just not for me.  I wouldn't mind more people reading my blog but I don't want to advertise for them.  If they find me and like what they see, then we're good.  If I start plugging myself to get more readers, then the nature of this blog will change in a way that won't be reflective of who I am. 

I like the people who show up, comment and stick around for as long as they feel like it.  Even if they don't stay for long, it makes me feel warm and cozy.  Well, aside from the troll whose word salad was in some form a condemnation of my spiritual path.  To be honest, if that's the best they could do, they won't be bringing many people "into the kingdom" as they were barely coherent.  But aside from the troll...I like the people who have come to visit.  I know that they're here because we share some commonalities or friendships or interests.  And isn't that better than shilling for numbers?

I picked up some books from the library yesterday and plan on doing some heavy reading for a while.  I got the Poetic Edda, the Prose Edda and Norse Mythology.  Plus I got an Icelandic group on cd singing the Poetic Edda.  In Icelandic, of course.  It's hauntingly beautiful even if I can't understand a word they say.  Or sing.

I love my two volume set of Our Troth.  They contain a ton of information that I am slowly absorbing.  My rituals are still very basic and very limited for now but I'm comfortable with that.  Mornings mostly are the best with Frigg, the candle, incense and me.  My time spent with her is sometimes brief as I have to sneak in there while Tom is either in the shower or upstairs getting ready.  I'm just not ready to expose my rituals to his observations.  And in the mornings, he is in the kitchen or dining room a lot.

I've come to feel a solid connection with the Norse gods in a way I didn't dream would happen when they didn't seem to respond to me at all.  I guess I had to stop trying to stop trying to ride the fence and commit to them before they would commit to me.  I haven't had any second thoughts, nor have I looked back since then.

It helps that the online group I'm a part of is a mixed bag when it comes to reconstructionism.  Not all of them are; some are mostly reconstructionist.  Others are absolutely reconstructionist.  But none of them are dogmatic about it.  What they all have, though, is a lot of information they share in a very non-confrontational way. 

But I think some of it is that I have changed.  It's just not that important anymore that we all agree or that I follow the path rigidly.  I'm feeling so comfortable in my skin these days that I wonder why it bothered me so much in the past.

So...feeling mighty good these days spiritually at least.  Not so much with the chronic insomnia and pain from fibromyalgia but at least my heart and soul are at peace.


  1. As you know because you've been reading my crazy for years, I've had too many blogs to list. This one I have now is the only one I haven't tried to "pimp". I don't know why I did with the others, but when I started this one it was for me and the people who give to read a shit about my mundane crap.

    Thanks for reading my mundane crap : )

    Happy you're feeling good Spiritually and hopefully your body will catch up to your mind and soul soon.

  2. Thanks, Hippy. I must admit the pressure is off if you aren't trying to woo people to your blog. You can just write what you want.

    And your crap is far from mundane. LOL! Your inner bitch totally rocks!

  3. :) I find sometimes if I know people are reading I am more prone to care and take care of the blog. I don't need lots of readers, I just need to know at least 1 or 2 are there. But that is the Gemini in me. :P

    I'm glad you are settling in with your Gods. :)

    1. Thanks, Cin. I agree that knowing people are reading does make me more inclined to keep up with the blog and maintain a relationship of sorts with the readers. But I found that on my other blog, I was trying to be someone I wasn't in order to get more readers. I settled in to my daily journal-type attitude early on and learned not to care that I wasn't gaining tons of readers. On this blog, however, while I certainly want readers, I don't want readers who don't care about me. I'm really fortunate that my readers here do seem to care so I feel unrestrained about content and being able to speak my mind without feeling like I might offend any readers. Although I don't try to be intentionally offensive. And the gods know how often I've been forced to eat my words after making comments about how I would never go down that path. :)

      I'm a Virgo so I don't know what that means in light of blogging but I do enjoy your blog as well, even if I don't comment as much as I should.

  4. I missed a troll? Oh man, I'm kind of bummed. :) I know what you mean about the blog and advertising. I figure, whoever comes comes and it's meant to be. I've had a couple of days of crazy numbers and rather than get excited, they stressed me out. LOL - go figure.

    1. Not to worry. It was just a word salad of bible verses and no clear thought process going on. Apparently those who like to evangelize over the internet by infiltrating comment sections tend to be the more illiterate and uneducated because they can't complete a sentence, use punctuation or spell worth a damn.

      I wonder if our comfort with low numbers has anything to do with being introverts. I know I am one. :)

  5. That was part of the reason I started a new blog. I was beginning to feel I had some sort of commitment to write for the people that read rather than because it makes me healthy emotionally - which is why I write, it helps me cope with the world. I also felt that online anonymous me had become less anonymous and had too much overlap with my real life. I didn't want that because anonymous is a safe ground to give shape to thoughts I cannot give voice to in my usual circle of friends. They love me but they don't understand me.
    I've been having this odd wobble and wonder if... no actually I don't 'wonder' -that's just me trying to skirt around the situation - I know because it's causing this strange kind of pressure in my head that I'm familiar with, so I know that I'm about to start learning about those Norse gods, albeit in their Anglo-Saxon context. After getting all cozy and comfortable in my celtic bubble my spiritual world has been shaken up. Partly I'm excited by that pressure in my head, partly I'm afraid of it and I feel mighty vulnerable because now I'm back at the beginning again knowing very little. So... sounds like a good group, can you point me in the right direction??

    1. Thanks, Nellie. That's so much like I feel, too. I'm not as anonymous as I would like but I'm not going to change anything more.

      I can relate to thinking I had found my path only to have that annoying pull on my sleeve to go in another direction. I won't say this is definitely it for the rest of my life but I am very content where I am right now.

      It's on Facebook, Asatru & Heathenry is one group. The other is Norse Women and they rock! Feel free to friend me on facebook if you can stand a lot of American political stuff in addition to jokes and things.