Sunday, April 22, 2012

Making a point to study

I want to thank everyone who commented on the last post and the women in the Norse Women's group who helped me understand the concept of relationships between humans and gods.  And that not everything is as it seems.  Knowing that I'm not alone in feeling a bit icky about some of the things happening out there made me feel a lot better.

I still struggle with being able to sit down and read/study more about the Norse tradition and the gods.  Ever since chemo I've been fighting what sounds a lot like adult-onset ADHD.  I can't shut things out in order to concentrate.  My dr doesn't think that's what it is.  She attributes nearly all of my fatigue, insomnia, inability to concentrate to my depression.  It's pointless to try to get any answers from her but since she does very well on other topics, I'm not going to bail out and try to find another doctor.

I am going to work on other areas, such as improving my eating habits and exercise and see if that helps.  It can't hurt. Problem is that "dieting" triggers an emotional response in me that ends up in bingeing and deeper depression.  So I have to view it differently and not think of it in terms of losing weight.  More like regaining my life.

Walpurgisnacht is approaching and I'm not ready for it.  I probably won't be ready so I'm not frantic about it.  I'm going to keep at the pace of learning I'm comfortable with and just do whatever feels right when the time comes.  Early on in my studies someone said that in Heathenry, there's no such thing as doing it wrong.  You just do it more correctly as you learn. 

Last night I took off my hammer pendant because it just didn't feel right anymore.  I looked through my various pendants to see which one to wear next, really thinking that because of Earth Day, I would end up wearing my Green Man pendant but the Valknut is the one that stood out.  It's Zach's that he's loaned me because it doesn't seem to like him anymore.  He kept losing it and it would fall off his neck even though it was knotted tightly.  I haven't lost it but the last time I wore it, it didn't feel exactly right.  Today it does. 

I'm getting very interested in runes and while I think I'm crazy to take on one more topic to study, I'm probably going to include it in my list for very soon because I think it's the magic I'm ready for.  If it's really magic, that is.  Whatever you want to call it, that's where I'm being drawn.  I'm not sure about buying a set or making one.  Probably make one.  I have an apple tree in the back yard that needs pruning so I could take a branch off of it and make some blank runes.  Tom has a dremel set and a wood burning set so either one would work.  He's better at using them so I might ask him to do it for me, but if he can't find the time, I can learn.  I really haven't seen any rune sets out there that I liked, to be honest.

As for books...there are so many and I can't afford anymore right now so I'll see if I can find something in the library or online to help me start on them.  Plus, apparently you don't necessarily need the rune set.  You can just write the runes on the objects you need to use for magic or blessing.  It's all very new to me so a lot of reading is in order before I start working with them.  I really don't think it's good to just get a set and start off with them until I know what I'm doing.

Well, I'm off to read for a while before I pull my knitting out and catch up on some tv.  I'm anxious to get back to spinning, too.  I need to dye my singles so I can ply them and then scour and card my Shetland wool to prepare to spin it.  I love that Frigg is a spinner as well.  Maybe that's why I feel a connection with her when I don't feel it with anyone else.

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