Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Pathfinding

On the advice of Rue, I ordered Power Spellcraft For Life from Amazon.com.  I was going to order from one of the merchants listed on Amazon for less, but their rating wasn't high enough for my standards.  So for another buck-fifty I got it from the big store.  The book had very high ratings and excellent reviews, not to mention Rue herself suggested it so I can't wait to get it.  I like that it gets behind the working of spells and doesn't just offer some spells to use.

This whole forging my own path thing is difficult for me.  Zach and I had lunch out yesterday so I could bounce some things off of him and it occurred to me that my foundation of all-or-nothing is so much a part of my foundation it's hard for me to take things from here and there and create my own recipe for spirituality.  I wonder if I will ever be able to overcome the damage Christianity (fundamentalism, in particular) has done to me.

So while I try to just go with it and make it mine, I'm still battling a need to have walls, a roof and hymnbooks for my spiritual temple.  It just ain't easy being my own boss.  Still it is a bit exciting to try things and make my own determination if they are beautiful architecture or just a prison cell.  One thing I tried on felt so restricting that I could barely breathe before I quickly broke through the cell doors.  From now on I'll be a bit more circumspect before inspecting a room in the spiritual temple I'm building. 

I ended up giving my Green Man pendant to Zach.  For some reason it didn't sit right around my neck, didn't feel like it was mine.  I loved looking at it and enjoyed having it, but didn't like wearing it.  So I asked him if he wanted it and he said yes so quickly I knew it was his all along.  I've decided that, from now on, any jewelry I own will either be an in-person purchase, or one I make myself.  I found an owl pendant I loved and am making a chain for it and today found a necklace with Celtic spirals on it.  I intend to get rid of some of the extraneous dangles and just keep the spirals.  Plus it had earrings, too.  And it's hypo-allergenic.  I'm allergic to nickel.  Terribly allergic to nickel so that is a big issue.  I really don't need to be blatant about my spiritual path, as I did when I was a Christian.  I had so many cross necklaces it wasn't even funny. 

See?  I am learning to leave the Christian trappings behind.  I just wish it was happening faster.

BB

2 comments:

  1. I have a nickel allergy too. It sucks, doesn't it?

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  2. It does indeed. I can't afford the good stuff and even sterling silver must have some amount of nickel in it because it breaks me out, too.

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