I've been a bit down lately with my extra appendage: depression. But on the way to town the other day I saw a turkey by the side of the road. A lone turkey, just standing by a field. It brought tears to my eyes for no reason. With the eaglets gone and the webcam dark, I miss those little guys more than I thought I would. So on the way to town yesterday I saw a hawk swooping over something in a corn field. A woodchuck by the side of the road, my beloved crows hanging in the thicket behind the house cheering me on when I work out in the yard. All these things matter to me more than they did when I was younger. I'm not sure why or when the change started, but that world out there, that I ignored most of my youth, brings more joy to me than a new car would.
Well, maybe not as my car is on its last legs. But I certainly find more joy in them than I do most material things.
I must spend more time outside though. I need to get my faerie garden/grove set up so I have a place to sit in the morning and enjoy my morning coffee and birdsong. Certainly better than the morning news. Plus it would help my depression, I'm sure to absorb that vitamin A from the sun, beloved Lugh and his healing properties.
I'm getting anxious to make my preparations for Lughnasadh, been reading up on Lugh and various rituals for that day. I'm burning up my yellow candle as that is the color of Lugh for me, so that I have a fresh candle to burn between now and Samhain. Come Samhain, I put his candle away until after Yule to signify the time before his rebirth.
I've been reading more on offerings and sacrifice and I finally understand it, thanks mostly to Nellie and her wonderful way at explaining things. It's something I want to incorporate in my worship of the God/desses and something that I intend to start doing. I have been saving my burned incense for a year that I was going to bury in the garden when I planted it but I forgot. It's not too late; I can still do that. And invoke the land spirits at that time as well.
I'm also re-examining the Greek/Roman gods as well. Not that I plan on forsaking my beloved Celtic guides, but because I believe there is an ancient connection between them. There are worship practices among the Greek polytheists that seem similar to the Celtic practices. They are aspects I would like to examine more, although I am quite content with those who have called me.
I'm still plugging along with Triumph of the Moon and am really enjoying it. I've just finished reading about the Goddess and the God or more specifically, about Diana and Pan. That's where I began to think of an ancient connection between the Celts and the Greeks. I had read about it a long time ago and saw it on a documentary so I'd like to look further into it.
I'm also getting antsy to get my drawing pencils out again. And maybe even my paints. Who knows? I need to be careful not to overload my senses though as I can do that and end up sitting on the couch doing nothing creatively.
For not, though, I'm working on a sweater for Zach for him to wear to work, should he get a job. I'm trying to knit intentions into it although I admit I do watch a lot of television while I knit as it helps me get a lot more done. Still, I do try to put my intentions into my crafts.
Plus I need to dye my hand spun singles and ply them. Then scour my Shetland wool and process that as well. You'd think with all I have to do I would be motivated to get it done. That's the perfidy of depression. Your mental health betrays you when you need it the most.
Off to lie about and knit for tonight though. And meditate a bit on offering and sacrifice.