Today's reading on the Earth Path (The Druidry Handbook) discussed various ways of being ecologically responsible. There was a list or two of various things one could do to accomplish this but since I already do over half of them and the other just aren't feasible, my reading felt a bit empty today.
I did read a bit in Druid Magic about shapeshifting (no, not like in Twilight) which was really interesting and had more to do with creating spiritual personas rather than actually turning into a creature. I'm not sure this is something I want to pursue, however. But it was interesting.
I also started reading in the Tarot book I got from the library since I really feel that's an area I want to work in. I also got out my Scott Cunningham books to work through as well. It was a pretty productive morning in spite of not getting up until around 10:30. I would have slept longer but Professor doesn't like me staying in bed when he wants to get up. It doesn't matter if everyone else is up. He thinks I need to be awake as well.
I do need to focus on sleep but since I determined that I am the Moon instead of the Sun, I'm not going to struggle against my natural sleep patterns and try to get up early anymore. I'll let myself sleep in and not fight getting to sleep early. I just need to make sure I'm getting enough sleep.
We didn't celebrate Samhain last night. I really need to learn to put up barriers because every holiday that has gone by since starting on this path, I've had my energy completely drained to the point I can't do anything to celebrate. I didn't figure it out until Sunday what has been going on.
I am going to try to do something indoors tonight. I just don't have the energy to go outside to set it up or to perform any rituals out there. Indoors will be something simple and not overly exhausting although I do plan on going out to speak to Pearl, my beloved cat who is buried up on the hill and leave some gifts for the crows and squirrels. It's all they get for the year although the crows have been known to steal the suet.
I will speak also to my grandmother tonight but I'll do that indoors. She's been on my mind lately and I wonder if my gifts came from her. She was a bit of a seer, I discovered, and I suspect her Christianity was more cultural than devout. Not that she was secretly Pagan, but I do believe she was more in tune with the Otherworld than any of my other family. And yet I knew her the least out of all my grandparents.
I'm also planning on leaving a meal for Pearl on my neglected outdoor altar, which I really do intend to fix up this week. I just need energy to do that.
Well, I am off to knit for a while and watch some documentaries I dvr'd. One about the Trail of Tears and another about animals. I just can't remember which animal. Hazy brained today.
Blessed Dio de los Muertos to everyone. Or Happy All Saints Day to those who celebrate that instead.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
With the new year comes change and new perspectives
I have neglected both this blog and my journal due to still experiencing serious insomnia. I don't think well when I'm sleep deprived and since thinking is required to formulate a post, it just wasn't going to happen. Happily, I've gotten sleep the past couple of nights so I'm going to give it a go.
The more I study the Druidry Handbook, the more I question my path. At least the path of pure Druidry. I know that there is much about it that speaks to me and calls to me, but it is a religious path and not a philosophical one I am seeking. The curriculum for AODA is hugely academic in nature, with a requirement of 9 books read on various subjects on Nature, study one of the seven spirals, blah, blah, blah. It sounds like seminary, to be honest. I looked into OBOD's curriculum which seems to be more experiential, which is what I'm looking for, but it's way out of reach and still too structured.
Then there is the notion that no one can really be a Druid because it takes so long to achieve that status. That there are three levels of which you need to choose one. You can be a Bard, knowing poetry, stories, music, etc. You can be an Ovate, knowing the more spiritual aspects like divination, magic, etc. Or you can be a Druid, the wise helping person who heals and teaches.
What if I just want to be an ordinary person who knows a little bit about all of that?
It made me question whether I really want to be a Druid after all. By that I mean associate my path as such. There is an aspect of me that associates with witchcraft as well. Not Wicca, but witchcraft. And I want that as well. Green witch, hedge witch...something like that. I love the magic of witchcraft more than I like the magic of Druidry. I love the moon over the sun. I love the night with a deep, deep passion.
Don't get me wrong. I love the books on Druidry I'm reading but I also love the books on Wicca I'm reading as well. I find wisdom in both. There is direction and teaching in both paths that make me feel more like a balanced person. I've seen references made to Druidcraft, which is the combining of both paths. It has a more eclectic feel for me.
I think I need to stop trying to put a label on what I am and just enjoy the learning. I have so much I want to learn, especially in herbs, crystals, divination, magic. And while I do love Nature and feel a reverence for her I don't want to forsake the modern world and give up technology. I like the idea of simplifying my life, but I'm not cut out for going back to the simple life. I do what I can, but I don't want to feel guilty for loving television and movies and the computer.
I just don't have a balance right now and I think that's why I feel so out of whack. I am spending less time online and more time reading and knitting, as well as other crafts, but it's not about not using the computer. It's about following my heart. I still struggle with mindsets from years of institutional religion, thinking I need someone in authority over me to tell me how to walk my path. That may be, but it's not a person, especially not one who doesn't know me. I'm more convinced I need to find my spirit guide and make that connection.
I discovered this week that the crow is my power animal so I plan on exploring that relationship as well. I also think I need to write in the blog more often because it does help me organize my thought and focus. I still write in my spiritual journal because there are things I that are just too personal. Plus the writing is an exercise for me as well, different from this kind of writing.
I keep overthinking this...more baggage from my past. I hope this blessed Samhain will be the start of a new year for me, a new way of thinking. Learning to focus and meditate. Learning about those things I have a passion for. Learning to walk alone without fear. And know that I'm not really alone, that I have the Crow and my spirit guide with me.
I'm excited about this, actually. I feel more in control of my life in a way I haven't felt for many a year. If ever. I love throwing off the labels and following my heart, my calling. I love not having someone over me telling me what I should learn and what I should believe.
It may sound silly that I have just figured all this out, but I have 50+ years of indoctrination to overcome and it's not happening overnight.
The more I study the Druidry Handbook, the more I question my path. At least the path of pure Druidry. I know that there is much about it that speaks to me and calls to me, but it is a religious path and not a philosophical one I am seeking. The curriculum for AODA is hugely academic in nature, with a requirement of 9 books read on various subjects on Nature, study one of the seven spirals, blah, blah, blah. It sounds like seminary, to be honest. I looked into OBOD's curriculum which seems to be more experiential, which is what I'm looking for, but it's way out of reach and still too structured.
Then there is the notion that no one can really be a Druid because it takes so long to achieve that status. That there are three levels of which you need to choose one. You can be a Bard, knowing poetry, stories, music, etc. You can be an Ovate, knowing the more spiritual aspects like divination, magic, etc. Or you can be a Druid, the wise helping person who heals and teaches.
What if I just want to be an ordinary person who knows a little bit about all of that?
It made me question whether I really want to be a Druid after all. By that I mean associate my path as such. There is an aspect of me that associates with witchcraft as well. Not Wicca, but witchcraft. And I want that as well. Green witch, hedge witch...something like that. I love the magic of witchcraft more than I like the magic of Druidry. I love the moon over the sun. I love the night with a deep, deep passion.
Don't get me wrong. I love the books on Druidry I'm reading but I also love the books on Wicca I'm reading as well. I find wisdom in both. There is direction and teaching in both paths that make me feel more like a balanced person. I've seen references made to Druidcraft, which is the combining of both paths. It has a more eclectic feel for me.
I think I need to stop trying to put a label on what I am and just enjoy the learning. I have so much I want to learn, especially in herbs, crystals, divination, magic. And while I do love Nature and feel a reverence for her I don't want to forsake the modern world and give up technology. I like the idea of simplifying my life, but I'm not cut out for going back to the simple life. I do what I can, but I don't want to feel guilty for loving television and movies and the computer.
I just don't have a balance right now and I think that's why I feel so out of whack. I am spending less time online and more time reading and knitting, as well as other crafts, but it's not about not using the computer. It's about following my heart. I still struggle with mindsets from years of institutional religion, thinking I need someone in authority over me to tell me how to walk my path. That may be, but it's not a person, especially not one who doesn't know me. I'm more convinced I need to find my spirit guide and make that connection.
I discovered this week that the crow is my power animal so I plan on exploring that relationship as well. I also think I need to write in the blog more often because it does help me organize my thought and focus. I still write in my spiritual journal because there are things I that are just too personal. Plus the writing is an exercise for me as well, different from this kind of writing.
I keep overthinking this...more baggage from my past. I hope this blessed Samhain will be the start of a new year for me, a new way of thinking. Learning to focus and meditate. Learning about those things I have a passion for. Learning to walk alone without fear. And know that I'm not really alone, that I have the Crow and my spirit guide with me.
I'm excited about this, actually. I feel more in control of my life in a way I haven't felt for many a year. If ever. I love throwing off the labels and following my heart, my calling. I love not having someone over me telling me what I should learn and what I should believe.
It may sound silly that I have just figured all this out, but I have 50+ years of indoctrination to overcome and it's not happening overnight.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I won't go down that road
I did a lot of pondering about this path I have started down. I looked at the website for AODA and the requirements for finishing the first degree Druid program and have decided that while I like the idea of formulating a goal with the end result making myself feel like a Druid, I don't like the idea that someone would test me to determine that I have reached that goal. I lived for 50 years within a religious institution that measured spirituality based on their own criteria. In fact Zach and I saw a bumper sticker just Monday that stated that you can't be both pro-choice and Christian. That's what I lived with most of my life. Someone determining what the parameters were that said you were a Christian.
I won't do that within Paganism. I just won't. I do like The Druid Handbook for a guide, and I can use the resources they have set out as an outline but frankly, I can't afford the out of print books they require for study. It's my path, not theirs. I can understand them viewing it as the ancestors did, with the passing down of information and examining the candidate to determine they have learned enough to carry the torch from then on. But that was then. This is now. We don't pass things down word of mouth anymore. We have books, internet, movies, etc.
I guess I'm just a bit rebellious about the whole thing. None of this stuff is cheap. We're talking hundreds of dollars in books because there's no way my library system has even one percent of those books. Not to mention the membership fees that seem affordable until you realize how much money you have to spend on books in order to achieve first degree Druid. Then there's 2nd and 3rd degree.
Several years ago I tried my best to tithe to my church like a good little Christian, having been assured that God would honor my efforts and bless my socks off. The end result was I couldn't pay my bills unless I stopped tithing because he didn't "bless my socks off" at all. When I questioned it, I was told that my attitude must be wrong or I wasn't being responsible with my money because done right, that was the assured result.
I stopped tithing from that day forward. And stopped listening to the annual money grubbing sermons. Testimony after testimony about how God had blessed people with huge amounts of money because they tithed. I can't begin to tell you how bad it made me feel, how unloved and inadequate.
AODA isn't saying you need to finish up their course to be a Druid, but they do dangle the titles around in a seductive way. I guess I looked at Paganism, and Druidry in particular, to be more organic institutions. I'm not interested in joining something that acts like a church or a seminary. [ As a side note, a blog I read lately had an entry that seemed to put across the point that neo-Paganism is newer than Christianity so we should learn from them and incorporate those things we like. I wrote a cryptic response that there was nothing I wanted to learn from an institution that had treated people so cruelly but the counter to that was one of sunshine and sweetness and how it was okay we (I wasn't the only one who didn't like her entry) felt that way but she thought it was a good idea. If Paganism is going to start looking like Christianity, I'm outta here.]
And yet I do feel like I need interaction with other Druids. I've been looking into The Druid Network to join. Membership fees aren't extravagant and their spiritual viewpoint is very similar to mine. Moreso than either OBOD or AODA. But I won't do anything without giving it a lot of thought so I won't decide until Samhain.
In the meantime, I intend to plot my own course of study using AODA's book and their recommendations, only finding books within my library system that are comparable. I will most likely have to buy a book or two before I'm done with my one year Bardic study but it will be on my terms. And after I've researched to find the best resources.
All in all, I'm feeling pretty good about it.
I won't do that within Paganism. I just won't. I do like The Druid Handbook for a guide, and I can use the resources they have set out as an outline but frankly, I can't afford the out of print books they require for study. It's my path, not theirs. I can understand them viewing it as the ancestors did, with the passing down of information and examining the candidate to determine they have learned enough to carry the torch from then on. But that was then. This is now. We don't pass things down word of mouth anymore. We have books, internet, movies, etc.
I guess I'm just a bit rebellious about the whole thing. None of this stuff is cheap. We're talking hundreds of dollars in books because there's no way my library system has even one percent of those books. Not to mention the membership fees that seem affordable until you realize how much money you have to spend on books in order to achieve first degree Druid. Then there's 2nd and 3rd degree.
Several years ago I tried my best to tithe to my church like a good little Christian, having been assured that God would honor my efforts and bless my socks off. The end result was I couldn't pay my bills unless I stopped tithing because he didn't "bless my socks off" at all. When I questioned it, I was told that my attitude must be wrong or I wasn't being responsible with my money because done right, that was the assured result.
I stopped tithing from that day forward. And stopped listening to the annual money grubbing sermons. Testimony after testimony about how God had blessed people with huge amounts of money because they tithed. I can't begin to tell you how bad it made me feel, how unloved and inadequate.
AODA isn't saying you need to finish up their course to be a Druid, but they do dangle the titles around in a seductive way. I guess I looked at Paganism, and Druidry in particular, to be more organic institutions. I'm not interested in joining something that acts like a church or a seminary. [ As a side note, a blog I read lately had an entry that seemed to put across the point that neo-Paganism is newer than Christianity so we should learn from them and incorporate those things we like. I wrote a cryptic response that there was nothing I wanted to learn from an institution that had treated people so cruelly but the counter to that was one of sunshine and sweetness and how it was okay we (I wasn't the only one who didn't like her entry) felt that way but she thought it was a good idea. If Paganism is going to start looking like Christianity, I'm outta here.]
And yet I do feel like I need interaction with other Druids. I've been looking into The Druid Network to join. Membership fees aren't extravagant and their spiritual viewpoint is very similar to mine. Moreso than either OBOD or AODA. But I won't do anything without giving it a lot of thought so I won't decide until Samhain.
In the meantime, I intend to plot my own course of study using AODA's book and their recommendations, only finding books within my library system that are comparable. I will most likely have to buy a book or two before I'm done with my one year Bardic study but it will be on my terms. And after I've researched to find the best resources.
All in all, I'm feeling pretty good about it.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Commitment isn't a four letter word
One of my greatest failings is I don't often finish what I start. As a result, I tend to avoid committing to things because I end up being unreliable which makes me feel even worse about myself. So one of the books I got a couple of weeks ago is apparently the text used for initiation into Druidry for one of the American Druid organizations. One I might be interested in joining. But again with the commitment thing.
It actually sounds like a lot of work. Not in the sense of manual labor, digging ditches and clearing the wilderness or building rustic huts for spiritual retreats. No, it involves examining myself and my motives, exploring what it means to be a Druid, meditating, and journaling.
On a daily basis.
And yet, I'm not happy just drifting along this way. Between the three books I own on Druidry, I have enough to go through a year's study, if not longer. At the very least I could go from saying I am on the Druid path to saying I'm studying to be a Druid. It may not seem like a fine distinction but to me it's the difference between renting or owning. I want to own my spirituality. The rent is getting too high.
So I bought a journal today and am setting forth with much fear and trembling that I might fail again. I called upon the God/desses to help me in my endeavors, knowing that the responsibility is mine alone. Ain't no sky daddy going to pluck me up and give me the courage and stamina required to do this. And yet, knowing they are cheering me on gives me incentive. They called me to this path so I'm pretty darned sure they're not going to be throwing obstacles in my way to "test" me. I think they want me to succeed.
Sundays are difficult days to do rituals or study because I don't have any privacy on the weekends. Where my son is good at respecting my closed curtains, my husband isn't. He just walks in regardless without knocking on the nearest wooden structure. In the scheme of things, though, it's not worth arguing over. I just make adjustments as best I can. Samhain is on a Sunday but I'll be outside and I doubt he'll follow me out there. On the other hand he might be curious enough to observe, which I'm okay with because he's been terrifically supportive about both my and Zach's spiritual changes.
I found a nice, square black candle at the thrift store yesterday for $1.99 so I bought it and today when I went back with Tom to show him the new location, they had another identical candle out for the same price so I bought it, too. And a cute little statuette of a witch, complete with green skin and black cat. She's keeping vigil over my altar right now.
And speaking of my altar. Tomorrow I will take a picture of it now that I have the wall of ancestors up. I talked to my parents today finding out information about their parents. When I put the pictures up I remembered something about my maternal grandmother. She was supposedly a bit psychic. She was good at locating lost things for people. They would come to her and she would let them know where the item was. I've been feeling her calling to me from beyond the veil the past few days, as it becomes thinner and thinner. I also hear my beloved cat, Pearl, calling to me, too. Hannibal is acting a bit strange and has spent many a day sitting just below her grave on the hill behind the house. Normally he sits further up and over from there.
My Tarot cards are starting to bond with me but they're still not speaking yet. I know this is the deck I'm supposed to have but I don't know why they're taking their time becoming one with me. I'm going to pick up a book at the library that uses Rider-Waite and see if that helps because the booklet that goes with the cards is next to useless. The meanings of the cards according to the booklet doesn't sound right to me.
I'm spending less and less time online and more and more time with crafts, housework, getting healthy and reading. My life is so much better but I do miss running into people online. I must make the effort to stay in touch. It's very important to me.
Time to get ready for bed. I'm getting to bed earlier as well and it seems to be doing me some good both with energy and emotionally. I'm hoping sleep is the key to controlling my depression.
Have a good week everyone.
It actually sounds like a lot of work. Not in the sense of manual labor, digging ditches and clearing the wilderness or building rustic huts for spiritual retreats. No, it involves examining myself and my motives, exploring what it means to be a Druid, meditating, and journaling.
On a daily basis.
And yet, I'm not happy just drifting along this way. Between the three books I own on Druidry, I have enough to go through a year's study, if not longer. At the very least I could go from saying I am on the Druid path to saying I'm studying to be a Druid. It may not seem like a fine distinction but to me it's the difference between renting or owning. I want to own my spirituality. The rent is getting too high.
So I bought a journal today and am setting forth with much fear and trembling that I might fail again. I called upon the God/desses to help me in my endeavors, knowing that the responsibility is mine alone. Ain't no sky daddy going to pluck me up and give me the courage and stamina required to do this. And yet, knowing they are cheering me on gives me incentive. They called me to this path so I'm pretty darned sure they're not going to be throwing obstacles in my way to "test" me. I think they want me to succeed.
Sundays are difficult days to do rituals or study because I don't have any privacy on the weekends. Where my son is good at respecting my closed curtains, my husband isn't. He just walks in regardless without knocking on the nearest wooden structure. In the scheme of things, though, it's not worth arguing over. I just make adjustments as best I can. Samhain is on a Sunday but I'll be outside and I doubt he'll follow me out there. On the other hand he might be curious enough to observe, which I'm okay with because he's been terrifically supportive about both my and Zach's spiritual changes.
I found a nice, square black candle at the thrift store yesterday for $1.99 so I bought it and today when I went back with Tom to show him the new location, they had another identical candle out for the same price so I bought it, too. And a cute little statuette of a witch, complete with green skin and black cat. She's keeping vigil over my altar right now.
And speaking of my altar. Tomorrow I will take a picture of it now that I have the wall of ancestors up. I talked to my parents today finding out information about their parents. When I put the pictures up I remembered something about my maternal grandmother. She was supposedly a bit psychic. She was good at locating lost things for people. They would come to her and she would let them know where the item was. I've been feeling her calling to me from beyond the veil the past few days, as it becomes thinner and thinner. I also hear my beloved cat, Pearl, calling to me, too. Hannibal is acting a bit strange and has spent many a day sitting just below her grave on the hill behind the house. Normally he sits further up and over from there.
My Tarot cards are starting to bond with me but they're still not speaking yet. I know this is the deck I'm supposed to have but I don't know why they're taking their time becoming one with me. I'm going to pick up a book at the library that uses Rider-Waite and see if that helps because the booklet that goes with the cards is next to useless. The meanings of the cards according to the booklet doesn't sound right to me.
I'm spending less and less time online and more and more time with crafts, housework, getting healthy and reading. My life is so much better but I do miss running into people online. I must make the effort to stay in touch. It's very important to me.
Time to get ready for bed. I'm getting to bed earlier as well and it seems to be doing me some good both with energy and emotionally. I'm hoping sleep is the key to controlling my depression.
Have a good week everyone.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I begin to learn
I've started a sincere study of Druidry this week. Not just gleaning from websites or absorbing from blogs. Real books. Our library is sparse on Druidry but Tana was delightfully generous and sent me some books, most of which I've already pored over and over, but I just recently started serious study of The Druid Tradition by Philip Carr-Gomm. I love it, especially with the meditation exercises at the end of each chapter. I especially like knowing the history of modern Druidry and the differences between various Druid organizations.
Sunday, after taking Zach out to dinner for his birthday, we found ourselves in a Barnes & Nobles bookstore magnetically attracted to the "New Age" section. I found several books on Druidry but I found myself in a dilemma: which to take home with me. In trying to decide I found myself clinging to old habits and thought-patterns. As a fundamentalist Christian I was always careful to buy the books that reflected the "correct" doctrine and were written by approved authors. I discovered I was doing the same thing with books on Druidry. Would Philip Carr-Gomm approve? Would Emma Restall Orr?
I admit that I am not a reconstructionist and find some of their teachings dangerously close to the fundamentalism I left behind...in that things have to be done their way, which is the way of the ancestors. As in...the "correct" way. Not all reconstructionists are like that, of course, but I have run into a few who are.
It bothered me that I was trying to limit myself to the "correct" teachings on Druidry so I just sort of gulped and picked two that really spoke to me, the ones that I couldn't put back on the shelves. One was The Druidry Handbook by John Michael Greer and the other was Druid Magic by Maya Magee Sutton and Nicholas R. Mann. Imagine my surprise when I got them home and both books are recommended by Philip Carr-Gomm. The Druidry Handbook seems to be one that tries to take reconstructionism into the modern world. I haven't gotten into the other one far enough to tell yet but I'll let you know as I do.
Intuition. It means something. I was taught all my life not to trust my own instincts because they were inherently devious and would lead me astray. I'm learning that's not so because my intuition isn't my enemy. It's a tool. Not perfect and subject to misinterpretation until I learn to use it better but certainly not my enemy. My intuition also found one set of Rider-Waite Tarot cards. These are the cards I learned on lo! these many years ago and the ones I would have chosen for myself, if I had had the chance. I couldn't resist them so they came home with me as well. I gave back Zach's deck to him and am trying to bond with my new set.
Zach found a book that had him transfixed so I bought it for him as a birthday present. It's Dancing with Dragons by D. J. Conway. Dragons have called to him all his life so this book really means a lot to him.
When I mentioned on this blog that I was trying to learn meditation, Tana found a set of Spirit Beads and sent them to me. They are absolutely beautiful and so charged with energy. They are made of polished Jasper with a Goddess symbol on them. I am so lucky to have such a friend. Especially since I still haven't gotten to the post office to mail off my gift to her. (This week, I promise!) I used them this week in meditation and prayer and they felt so good and seemed to help me center so much better. Not that I'm any good at it yet. I still have so many distractions...both internal and outside distractions. I plan on getting up earlier in the morning so I am the only one awake. It's the only way I can be alone in the house.
I'm still organizing my altar. I haven't gotten the ancestors up on the wall yet but I plan on doing that this week, too. I got an electric candle to use in my window nightly until Yule as I can't use a real one without burning down the house. And little electric tea candles for those nights I feel like I need a vigil candle going.
I hope to share some of the things I'm learning about Druidry in the future but today I'm a bit under the weather with a cold or something (again!) so I'm going to rest on the bed while spinning for a bit. It relaxes me. A lot. I also feel a definite connection with Lugh when I spin for some reason. He's been ever in my thoughts these days. My candle for him is yellow and nearly spent, which is appropriate, I guess, but I can't find another yellow candle in the store. I'll keep looking.
Until next time.
Sunday, after taking Zach out to dinner for his birthday, we found ourselves in a Barnes & Nobles bookstore magnetically attracted to the "New Age" section. I found several books on Druidry but I found myself in a dilemma: which to take home with me. In trying to decide I found myself clinging to old habits and thought-patterns. As a fundamentalist Christian I was always careful to buy the books that reflected the "correct" doctrine and were written by approved authors. I discovered I was doing the same thing with books on Druidry. Would Philip Carr-Gomm approve? Would Emma Restall Orr?
I admit that I am not a reconstructionist and find some of their teachings dangerously close to the fundamentalism I left behind...in that things have to be done their way, which is the way of the ancestors. As in...the "correct" way. Not all reconstructionists are like that, of course, but I have run into a few who are.
It bothered me that I was trying to limit myself to the "correct" teachings on Druidry so I just sort of gulped and picked two that really spoke to me, the ones that I couldn't put back on the shelves. One was The Druidry Handbook by John Michael Greer and the other was Druid Magic by Maya Magee Sutton and Nicholas R. Mann. Imagine my surprise when I got them home and both books are recommended by Philip Carr-Gomm. The Druidry Handbook seems to be one that tries to take reconstructionism into the modern world. I haven't gotten into the other one far enough to tell yet but I'll let you know as I do.
Intuition. It means something. I was taught all my life not to trust my own instincts because they were inherently devious and would lead me astray. I'm learning that's not so because my intuition isn't my enemy. It's a tool. Not perfect and subject to misinterpretation until I learn to use it better but certainly not my enemy. My intuition also found one set of Rider-Waite Tarot cards. These are the cards I learned on lo! these many years ago and the ones I would have chosen for myself, if I had had the chance. I couldn't resist them so they came home with me as well. I gave back Zach's deck to him and am trying to bond with my new set.
Zach found a book that had him transfixed so I bought it for him as a birthday present. It's Dancing with Dragons by D. J. Conway. Dragons have called to him all his life so this book really means a lot to him.
When I mentioned on this blog that I was trying to learn meditation, Tana found a set of Spirit Beads and sent them to me. They are absolutely beautiful and so charged with energy. They are made of polished Jasper with a Goddess symbol on them. I am so lucky to have such a friend. Especially since I still haven't gotten to the post office to mail off my gift to her. (This week, I promise!) I used them this week in meditation and prayer and they felt so good and seemed to help me center so much better. Not that I'm any good at it yet. I still have so many distractions...both internal and outside distractions. I plan on getting up earlier in the morning so I am the only one awake. It's the only way I can be alone in the house.
I'm still organizing my altar. I haven't gotten the ancestors up on the wall yet but I plan on doing that this week, too. I got an electric candle to use in my window nightly until Yule as I can't use a real one without burning down the house. And little electric tea candles for those nights I feel like I need a vigil candle going.
I hope to share some of the things I'm learning about Druidry in the future but today I'm a bit under the weather with a cold or something (again!) so I'm going to rest on the bed while spinning for a bit. It relaxes me. A lot. I also feel a definite connection with Lugh when I spin for some reason. He's been ever in my thoughts these days. My candle for him is yellow and nearly spent, which is appropriate, I guess, but I can't find another yellow candle in the store. I'll keep looking.
Until next time.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Beginning preparations
I'm starting my preparations for Samhain (and typing with a cat stretched across my forearms) and trying to absorb as much energy as I can out there. I'm doing a bit better today and hope that is an upward trend and not an anomaly.
Lovely Tana sent me a gift of spirit beads that are absolutely wonderful. Jasper stone and a Goddess symbol. When she read that I was trying to learn meditation she thought they would help me focus better. I haven't tried them yet because I have no privacy on the weekends but I look forward to it next week. I slept with them last night in order to bond with them and really felt some energy from them this morning as I caressed them. They are living on my altar right now. I really hope to use them when invoking Awen, which I am ready to begin doing.
Tom is going through pictures looking for some photos of his parents and any grandparents out there. While looking we found some pictures of my grandfather. I'm collecting them for my wall of ancestors for Samhain. I only lack my maternal grandfather's picture now. I wonder if I can get my mother to send me one without revealing anything.
I can feel something in the air. I was outdoors last night bringing the cat in and we stood in the yard watching the sky for a while before coming in. I can feel the veil thinning. I don't think I'm imagining it at all.
Tonight though is for spinning and more knitting. It's Zach's birthday (22nd) and we're taking him out to eat tomorrow night but tonight is for staying home. And being creative. I plan on making more God's Eyes this week. I hope to have pictures of my altar and wall of ancestors, too.
Lovely Tana sent me a gift of spirit beads that are absolutely wonderful. Jasper stone and a Goddess symbol. When she read that I was trying to learn meditation she thought they would help me focus better. I haven't tried them yet because I have no privacy on the weekends but I look forward to it next week. I slept with them last night in order to bond with them and really felt some energy from them this morning as I caressed them. They are living on my altar right now. I really hope to use them when invoking Awen, which I am ready to begin doing.
Tom is going through pictures looking for some photos of his parents and any grandparents out there. While looking we found some pictures of my grandfather. I'm collecting them for my wall of ancestors for Samhain. I only lack my maternal grandfather's picture now. I wonder if I can get my mother to send me one without revealing anything.
I can feel something in the air. I was outdoors last night bringing the cat in and we stood in the yard watching the sky for a while before coming in. I can feel the veil thinning. I don't think I'm imagining it at all.
Tonight though is for spinning and more knitting. It's Zach's birthday (22nd) and we're taking him out to eat tomorrow night but tonight is for staying home. And being creative. I plan on making more God's Eyes this week. I hope to have pictures of my altar and wall of ancestors, too.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
The changes they just keep coming
I probably won't be writing here every day from now on. I don't want to give the blog up but I've had my other blog for a few years and don't want to give it up either. Besides, the readership is greater there than here anyway.
For people who read here, I invite you to my other blog Knitting with my shoes off if you're interested. I am "out of the broom closet" over there so I do talk about Pagan/Druid things there. I just don't talk about the spiritual/emotional sides of being Pagan. This started out being a place for me to sort things out and is still that place. But since I have a better grasp on who I am as a spiritual being, I don't always have something to say about it.
I'm not giving it up though. I still plan on writing here, just not as often. The time may come when I completely blend the two blogs but for now, I plan on keeping them separate. Sort of. As I said, I'm out there so I plan on writing more and more about the things I do as a Druid but the dissecting of how I do that and why I'll keep here.
I'm guessing I'll be writing a few times a week so it's not like months will go by while the crickets chirp. I just have to focus my time and energy in other areas for now.
You know how it is.
I'm hoping my anticipation of Samhain will foster some excitement in me pretty soon. At least enough to have the energy to prepare for it. I'm dragging so much, both physically and spiritually, that all I want to do is stay in bed all day. But that's just not going to happen any time soon.
See everyone in a few days.
For people who read here, I invite you to my other blog Knitting with my shoes off if you're interested. I am "out of the broom closet" over there so I do talk about Pagan/Druid things there. I just don't talk about the spiritual/emotional sides of being Pagan. This started out being a place for me to sort things out and is still that place. But since I have a better grasp on who I am as a spiritual being, I don't always have something to say about it.
I'm not giving it up though. I still plan on writing here, just not as often. The time may come when I completely blend the two blogs but for now, I plan on keeping them separate. Sort of. As I said, I'm out there so I plan on writing more and more about the things I do as a Druid but the dissecting of how I do that and why I'll keep here.
I'm guessing I'll be writing a few times a week so it's not like months will go by while the crickets chirp. I just have to focus my time and energy in other areas for now.
You know how it is.
I'm hoping my anticipation of Samhain will foster some excitement in me pretty soon. At least enough to have the energy to prepare for it. I'm dragging so much, both physically and spiritually, that all I want to do is stay in bed all day. But that's just not going to happen any time soon.
See everyone in a few days.
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