I've been sort of in a holding pattern until they can find out more about what caused the congestive heart failure, which leaves me in bed most of the time unable to do anything lest I damage my heart further. I have been to the store a couple of times, once just moving very slowly with my cane. Twice with the electric cart they provide. Without the cart I am so tired and sore and can't get out of bed for a day or two afterward.
I haven't done as much reading as I would like. Concentration really sucks when you have life or death matters on your mind. And I have had those on my mind for months...mostly due to my mother's illness and death. Now I think about my own. Not a lot of fun.
As a result of this situation, though, my mind has turned to things that comfort me and part of that is druidry. I have a few books on the subject and just ordered more from the library (along with a spooky horror movie I haven't seen yet.) Zach found himself thinking along the same lines so we are studying a bit together. I have missed some aspects of spirituality that I had briefly set aside while finding my way and now feel very drawn back to them. I miss a stronger connection with the deities and the deeper spiritual things.
I am still very much on an eclectic path though. I found some connection with some Celtic-type deities and was drawn a bit toward some of the Norse, too. And my beloved Greeks are still hanging around although I don't feel drawn to them so much anymore.
Not sure what will happen for Beltane as I have an obscenely early appointment in Fond du Lac for an echocardiogram so I will be thoroughly exhausted and most likely unable to do anything much. Maybe Zach will do a ritual in my room so I can watch. Or just participate in a minor way. I'm not much of a leader anyway. I'd rather be in the background.
Time for a nap now. I'm supposed to rest every afternoon, take a nap and just chill out. I'm learning to let others take care of me. It's not very easy though.
I haven't done as much reading as I would like. Concentration really sucks when you have life or death matters on your mind. And I have had those on my mind for months...mostly due to my mother's illness and death. Now I think about my own. Not a lot of fun.
As a result of this situation, though, my mind has turned to things that comfort me and part of that is druidry. I have a few books on the subject and just ordered more from the library (along with a spooky horror movie I haven't seen yet.) Zach found himself thinking along the same lines so we are studying a bit together. I have missed some aspects of spirituality that I had briefly set aside while finding my way and now feel very drawn back to them. I miss a stronger connection with the deities and the deeper spiritual things.
I am still very much on an eclectic path though. I found some connection with some Celtic-type deities and was drawn a bit toward some of the Norse, too. And my beloved Greeks are still hanging around although I don't feel drawn to them so much anymore.
Not sure what will happen for Beltane as I have an obscenely early appointment in Fond du Lac for an echocardiogram so I will be thoroughly exhausted and most likely unable to do anything much. Maybe Zach will do a ritual in my room so I can watch. Or just participate in a minor way. I'm not much of a leader anyway. I'd rather be in the background.
Time for a nap now. I'm supposed to rest every afternoon, take a nap and just chill out. I'm learning to let others take care of me. It's not very easy though.
Oh Kathy :( You've been incredibly brave these last few months. I wish you comfort and solace where ever you may find it xx
ReplyDeleteThanks, Nellie. I never think of myself as being brave. I mean...what can you do but just keep on going? I am greatly comforted by the friends I have made online so thank YOU for being there. :)
DeleteIt's me by the way... Ellie, Nellie, Elenna... X
ReplyDeleteI thought that was you. There is another Ellie who posts from time to time but I thought you were Nellie. :)
DeleteI have an echo tomorrow too because of my ongoing shit with my asthma and now heart palpitations. Seems as though the holiday of "love" is getting pretty fucking literal with the whole heart thing.
ReplyDeleteKeep me posted honey.
I will. You take care of yourself, too! I'm worried about you as well. <3
ReplyDeleteI won't know anything right away. I'll have to wait for an appointment with the cardiologist before I know anything at all.
I didn't know you were you going through such an ordeal lately Kathy! Hoping that your health improves or at the very least that you soon get some more answers. *hugs and love*
ReplyDeleteThanks! I have some more tests on Monday that I hope will give me answers and a reason for the heart failure. One that can fix it, I hope. But I am cleared for getting up and moving around and some exercise so that helps brighten my outlook a lot. Don't need the handicap placard anymore (unless I would have to park at the back of the lot...then I would need it) so I feel better about myself anyway. :) I can always use the hugs and the love so thank you, Theresa!!!
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