Thursday, April 4, 2013

The bittersweetness of leaving

I'm trying to get my spiritual mojo back after the pneumonia.  I'm mostly just going through the motions right now but I do have hopes that the connections will come back and I will feel good about it all again.  I have no doubts about my path; it's just hard to feel spiritual after spending 2 weeks in bed (or near the bed) and feeling crappy most of that time.  I continue the rituals because they do still mean something to me.  I felt more attuned this morning so I know it's coming back.

I mentioned in my mundane blog what the vagueness was about when I was talking about a venture. I hate to plug my other blog (no, I don't!) but I don't have the energy to repeat myself so if you want the story go there.  On the other hand, the shorter version is that Zach and I are starting up a business together selling things we make of a pagan nature or connected to that somehow.  It will be a year before we actually have enough inventory.  But we're also doing some writing.  A book, some articles and some short stories.  I'm terrified and excited all at the same time.

My mother continues to edge closer to the veil.  I can't be there for various reasons but I get updates daily from my sister and her husband.  I feel like an outsider especially as they are rallying around their own religion during this time.  Which is absolutely appropriate for them to do.  Zach and I plan our own rituals and ceremonies as the time grows nearer and the veil thins.  It's still surreal to me that my mother is passing away.  I guess I always thought of her in terms of forever.  And maybe that's still true, but it's not forever here.  I will miss her but at the same time I look forward to forming a new relationship with her as an ancestor.  I'm preparing my wall already.  I just don't know what I've done with the pictures of her.  I'm terribly unorganized but I do hope I can find the picture before she goes through.  I'd like to have her up on my ancestor wall by that time.

I'm still pretty numb emotionally about it but I've been on the verge of tears a time or two in the past couple of days.  I will miss her.

No comments:

Post a Comment