I took the week off from anything spiritual, or rather anything regarding spiritual actions, and ended up further down my path than I anticipated. Odd how doing nothing can yield the best results.
I've been missing the familiar, Celtic-type culture and the gods associated with it. But mostly I've spent too much time trying to get to know gods that aren't interested in forming a relationship with me. I should have been forming a relationship with me and my spiritual side, focusing on my talents and learning how to manage energies and magic. The gods have mostly been a diversion on my path instead of the sign posts along the way.
That's not to say the gods aren't important to me, but I've been going at it wrong. I need to walk my path and see what gods are on it instead of trying to walk the path of the gods I think I'm drawn to follow. I need to be selfish for a while and focus on me...my needs, my wants. And intuition. I need to learn to use that instead of trying to second guess everything I think or do.
It felt good to light the candles on my hearth altar this morning. Bridget came to mind when I was praying but that could change from day to day. At least until I sort myself out. Still, I felt the charge of energy I had been missing for the past few months. It felt good.
And trusting my feelings is something I need to learn. I spent a lifetime being taught that my feelings weren't trustworthy and were unreliable. Learning to trust myself is a lot harder than learning to trust someone else it seems.
BB
I've been missing the familiar, Celtic-type culture and the gods associated with it. But mostly I've spent too much time trying to get to know gods that aren't interested in forming a relationship with me. I should have been forming a relationship with me and my spiritual side, focusing on my talents and learning how to manage energies and magic. The gods have mostly been a diversion on my path instead of the sign posts along the way.
That's not to say the gods aren't important to me, but I've been going at it wrong. I need to walk my path and see what gods are on it instead of trying to walk the path of the gods I think I'm drawn to follow. I need to be selfish for a while and focus on me...my needs, my wants. And intuition. I need to learn to use that instead of trying to second guess everything I think or do.
It felt good to light the candles on my hearth altar this morning. Bridget came to mind when I was praying but that could change from day to day. At least until I sort myself out. Still, I felt the charge of energy I had been missing for the past few months. It felt good.
And trusting my feelings is something I need to learn. I spent a lifetime being taught that my feelings weren't trustworthy and were unreliable. Learning to trust myself is a lot harder than learning to trust someone else it seems.
BB
It is hard to trust yourself, but you'll find the right path for you! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Cindy. How odd that I'm willing to trust people with my life and yet won't trust myself with my own spirituality.
DeleteI'm still struggling with trusting myself and my feelings too sometimes. :)
ReplyDeleteIsn't it bizarre that we were indoctrinated to trust everyone but ourselves? And isn't it convenient that the people telling us that were the ones we shouldn't have trusted in the first place?
DeleteI hear ya, Tana. It sucks to have such a little level of trust in ourselves.
I don't know if I will ever be able to completely trust my own instincts again but I will spend the rest of my life trying. It's the best I can do and it's better than living my life thinking everyone else knows what is better for me than I do. :)
It is completely bizarre. It's antithetical to empowering living. Oh, wait, that was the point. Haha. I'm getting better in areas, but yeah, I might spend my whole life trying to learn trusting myself in EVERY area of my life. :)
DeleteIt's nothing more than brain-washing and once they have done the thinking for you, all you have to do is sit back and agree with everything they tell you.
DeleteOh my gosh, a friend just posted this quote in facecrack:
ReplyDelete"The sense of doership in us is mostly a failing device. See that this device is not true. It's a fraud. It is not real. Reject it completely, and what remains is that which is effortless. It is not "living it". It simply is. It does not have to remember how to be this, how to stay like this. This is the common misconception which leads to so much suffering, and the sense of failure. " - mooji
And I thought of you. And me. :)
Wow. Just wow.
DeleteIt seems that you are learning to let yourself be yourself a little more. This seems like a good thing to me :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Lady. It's still hard to let go of all the mentality but I'm learning.
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