Friday, July 27, 2012

Checking in

I really don't have anything much to say.  It's been a week of excruciating insomnia and until last night, only a couple of hours sleep a night followed by unsatisfactory napping during the day.  I haven't done any studying and only minimal ritual, which I need because it comforts me.

I am learning more about the Norse gods though and really can connect with who I'm finding them to be.  I still have some past misconceptions about deity to the whole Christian concept of thinking of myself as a despicable creature compared to my deity.  Sucking up to deity.  Feeling so unworthy to deity.

One of the things I think I love most about the Norse gods is their disdain for anyone who grovels in their presence.  We  may not be equals but we're not loathsome creatures in need of someone to intervene on our behalf before we're "acceptable" in their sight.  I like that I can speak to them without fear especially as fear is the single most driving force in Christianity.  Not love.  Fear.  If it were really love would deity send people to eternal torment because they didn't love him best?

So I'm making progress and learning to trust and love myself.  Something I never learned in my 50+ years on this earth.

But I do much better when I've had sleep.  Which I plan on doing tonight.  I hope.  I have learned that the herbal sleeping pills seem to keep me awake all night so I'm trying a regular one tonight.  I have to get some sleep pretty soon or I'm going to end up a zombie.  Like the ones in The Walking Dead...just finished up the first season and am a devoted fan now.

Off to settle in for the night with some reading (just got the Prose Eddas from the library today) and lots of knitting, which is why I think I love Frigg so much.  She's maybe not exactly a knitter but she weaves and spins and I can really connect with that.)



  1. I used to take Valerian Root to make me relax. Well, it made me want to paint my house at 3am. There is something in the air these days because everyone I talk to is having trouble falling asleep and is staying up hours past their usual bedtime (myself included).

    1. Lately that's the way it's been working for me. I've heard of many people not sleeping lately. It does make me think there's something going on energy wise.

  2. I agree with ~m~ that there is something going on because I too have been hearing about and experiencing sleep troubles. Well, sleepless opportunities is what I like to call them. :) Otherwise I get too disgruntled and that makes it even more difficult to get to sleep (for me.) I even took an Ambien last night and I might as well have swallowed air for all the good it did me.

    I wonder what we're supposed to be adjusting to or learning. Or maybe I'm just too preoccupied with my upcoming class. Who knows.

    1. I've talked to so many people lately who haven't been sleeping. Something is up; that's for sure.

      If there are lessons to be learned, can I please learn them after a good night's sleep? Please!!! LOL

  3. The weird part is that everyone else seems to be having sleep issues- even other people in my same house- but I'm not. I'm sleeping like a log for 7 hours solid and waking up ready to rock. I find this very strange because I'm usually the one in the group who's having massive sleep problems. If it's a shift in energy I wonder why some folks are having negative reactions and others are having a grand ol' time.

    Oh and ~m~ I've used Valerian before myself (like I said, I'm usually the one with sleep issues) and I was out for hours. Problem was that I couldn't wake up again.

  4. Usually that's what valerian does to me, too. The herbal sleeping pills have valerian and melatonin in them but they don't seem to be working anymore. Even the OTC sleeping pills aren't working either. I was awake until 4 a.m. after taking one of the little blue sleeping pills. And I've been dragging all day trying to stay awake.

    My son has had a sleeping disorder from birth which is probably what triggered me having to endure over 20 years of sleep problems. A new mother asked me once how old Zach was when he first slept through the night and when I told them he was five, she got a very concerned look on her face. LOL

    Not sure what the problem is but Tom seems to be sleeping okay.