Saturday, July 13, 2013

Sorting out my priorities

As much as I would like to think that I am being open and honest on this blog, I have had to admit to myself that many of my decisions are influenced by what people who read this might think.  There are times I don't make a decision because I'm bothered by how it might look to anyone out there.  But the reality is that my readership has sunk below the basement lately and I suspect it's because of the boring content.  And my going all over the map trying to find a place for myself.

In a way it's liberating. 

But I should have been writing for myself all along and not for the people who might chance upon this blog to read it.  I'm pondering what to do at this stage...shut down the blog or just write as if no one was reading it.  Because what I've been doing hasn't worked for me.  I'm beginning to avoid writing because I've dug a hole for myself.  The answer would be to stop digging, of course, but what does that really mean?  Does it mean to stop writing or does it mean to stop acting like an idiot and just tell the truth, be honest and true to myself?

Obviously I need to stop being an idiot whether I keep the blog going or not.  Worrying about readership shouldn't be the reason I shut down the blog because, equally obvious...then I wouldn't have any readers at all.  Duh! 

I think I'll keep going but will be more honest with myself and just act like there is no one out there reading because I can't worry what people think of me. This blog is about me sorting out my spiritual life and recording that journey, no matter how widely those travels veer off the map.

It will mean I won't blog every single day, although I might if I have something to say.  But it is about having something to say, not just writing because I think I need to blog every day. I have to focus on that spiritual journey...not on the need for readership.  Even if no one ever reads this blog it is something I think I need to do.

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