Crawling out of the cellar

I'm not making much progress with the 101 course.  This week was filled with debilitating fatigue and if I had just ridden it out instead of fighting it as I always do, I suspect it wouldn't have lasted as long.  I never learn.

I am peeking out from under that heavy cloud and feeling more like myself again, which isn't a bouncing bundle of energy but at least I can cope with life when I'm myself.  I'll be reading tonight and most of the weekend, although much needs to be done to restore the balance of good energy in this house.  Let me rephrase that.  To introduce good energy into this house.  I don't think we've ever felt good since we moved here.  I know next to nothing about the people who lived here before aside from them being the only owners, having only one child, a daughter, and the husband died of leukemia not long before we bought the house.  I don't know that he died here but he was in Zach's room, which seems the most oppressive.  There was a hospital bed in there when we first looked at the house.

I plan on tackling his room first, taking care of the area that has the most negative energy, hoping that eliminating the clutter and opening the room up for more air flow will help.  I also plan on doing a cleansing in there.  Room by room I'll get this done and hopefully we'll see an increase in energy and positivity in this house.  Since we moved in here, the depression levels have exploded.  It can't be a coincidence.

I'm wearing my mjolnir today.  It's not Thursday so it's not Thor's day, especially, but I just felt like wearing it.  I still have a draw toward the Norse gods but not toward the Norse religion.  I knew I had made the right choice since I have run into various references to Thor all over the internet and on tv.  It may be my subconscious telling me to watch the movie Thor that I've got on dvr, but I really don't think so.  I had already dug one of my volumes of Our Troth out of the bookcase to read later. 

I'm probably drawn to them because of the book on Runes I got from the library recently.  While I don't believe a particular group of gods are overly possessive about the cultural things associated with them, I can see studying them in perspective with the gods connected to them.  Especially since my heart seems to be drawn most to things of the British Isles, the most prominent aspect of my ancestry.  So I can see that the Anglo-Saxon aspect of the Norse gods would play a part in my ancestral worship and growth as a witch.

It's funny to me that I'm not obsessing over this or over-thinking it this time.  It just makes sense to me to incorporate all things me into one complex unit as it comes up.  The last Tarot reading I did, which was a while before I was able to let go of the need for a structure, pointed me toward my ancestry, find things that my ancestors did and utilize them in my spiritual pursuits.  I still feel that is the right direction for me.

Now to just actually sit down and do it.  Starting with the 101 course.  I am eager to continue with it and I think about it often during the day. But concentration when your energy levels are in the cellar is a difficult thing to accomplish so I should have just waited it out instead of trying to read the same paragraph over and over again and dealing with the frustration of a total lack of comprehension.  In other words...stop beating myself up when I'm dealing with limits and just do what I can at the time.

So...hoping the energy levels at least stay where they are for a few days so I can hopefully work with them and maybe even increase them with concentrated effort and time.

BB