Thursday, December 8, 2011

When the ones you love try to suck the life out of you, unfriend them

Things finally came to a head again with firstborn on facebook where he once again insulted someone in response to something I had posted.  That this person he insulted was his cousin didn't make any difference to me.  His main purpose in life seems to be haunting my posts and ridiculing my beliefs and attacking the people who agree with me.  So I've ended my facebook relationship with him.  Period.  There will be no fourth or fifth chances on this.  We can take our relationship to another place or not at all.  I really don't care at this stage.  Since finding his birth father he's made it clear that they and they alone care for him and fuck the rest of us.

I can only take so much of this shit before I explode and do something irreversible.  So, eliminating him from my facebook friends is the path of least resistance.  Trust me.

I don't know why families have to be so dysfunctional.  Sure, people make mistakes but why is it so hard to maintain relationships with people you love.  And I do love him.  I just don't particularly like him.  My sister jumped in to tell me how much she appreciates the things I post but as it was her son he went after, I really didn't expect any less from her.  I also discovered that two of his cousins have also unfriended him because of his antagonistic attitude toward them.

I've taken the blame for my contributions to his dysfunction but for fuck's sake, he's nearly 40 and needs to grow the fuck up now.  Sure, I have problems with my extended family but I don't treat them like shit because of it.  I limit my time spent with them to what is comfortable for me and treat them with the respect I think they deserve.  And it's okay to bitch about what a rotten childhood he had but there is no advantage to wallowing in the past and using it as an excuse.  I admit that many things from my past make the palette my world is colored with but I hold the paintbrush now.  When I talk about things from my past I don't use them as an excuse, just as an explanation for the way I am.  I don't hide behind the past.  I hope I'm learning from it.

It's time to sever this relationship until he decides to let me live my own life, with my own ideas and opinions and stop trying to change me into who he wants me to be.  I'm through with the emotional blackmail and the guilt trips.  And the attacks on people who don't line up with his political and spiritual beliefs.

I'm finally moving forward emotionally and spiritually and I'll be damned if I'm going to let anyone interfere with that journey.


  1. Good for you. Boundaries are good and healthy. Not everyone can see them and so sometimes we have to make them very, very clear.

  2. Thanks, Tana. And with all the full moon madness coming up, my brother-in-law, who my husband claims is as far left as they come (but in reality I am a socialist compared to him) has announced that he will be unfriending anyone who uses bad language because his grandkids use his computer. Well, fuck...I didn't sign on with his grandkids. I signed on with him. I can understand him wanting to protect the kiddies but I really don't like being told what I can do on my own facebook account. LOL

  3. No one has the right to bully you, not even your own son. Sounds like you did the right thing by blocking him from your FB.

  4. Thanks, Debra. As much as it hurts me to do that, I am breathing easier knowing he's not going to pop up out of the woodwork and make rude remarks toward me or my friends.

  5. ROOOOAAAAARRRR! I couldn't agree more about Facebook bullshit. I've actually deleted over 25 people in the last year because of it. Save the drama for your mama, unless I'm your mama....then take that shit to grandma.

  6. LOL! You Devil, you! Good to see you again but I didn't recognize you with your new digs. I've friended eldest again but with strict guidelines. We'll see how it goes but he is my son, after all, and hard to shove out of my life. The other life-suckers, though, more easily and permanently done.