Monday, December 5, 2011

The past bites me again

Unfortunately I ran into our old pastor at StuffMart the other day.  Fortunately my pentacle was hidden inside my coat so I didn't have to feel awkward around him.  We did the usual polite catching up and he told me that Walk through Bethlehem had been canceled because of a "God thing" that happened last week at church.  I, of course, expressed polite curiosity.  Then he let me know that a woman I knew from there had lost her husband to an industrial accident.  I had seen it in the paper but didn't know it was her husband.  And our former youth pastor and his wife had lost their year-old daughter to an apparent crib death.

A "God thing?"

Forgive me for not seeing how a "loving" god would rip a year old baby from the arms of her parents or a husband from the arms of a wife, especially right before the celebration of his "birth."  I came away from this conversation feeling a great deal of anguish for D & M having lost their daughter and for R losing her husband, but also a huge amount of anger that a system would force people to look upon these situations as a "God thing,"  I hated, hated that we had to swallow any outward grief and put on a face that praised a deity who committed these heinous acts against his people as an act of love.  Always we were told that God was in control and he never would give you more than you were able to bear.

Well, guess what!  "He" does give you more than you're able to bear.  Frequently.  It's just that you're not allowed to admit it. You're not allowed to question why he would kill some people and let others have miracles.  Or why there were abused children anywhere in the world.  Oh, yeah...supposedly he was there with them, hurting right along with them, letting them know they weren't alone and that was supposed to be enough.  Bull-fucking-shit!  They hurt alone, feel abandoned by the world and have no concept of a "loving" God who is supposed to be there comforting them.  In fact, some of them are being abused in Christian homes.

It boggled my mind how there was some kind of popularity contest when it came to prayer.  We were supposed to pray for people.  Often.  And get more people to pray, too, because the more people praying, apparently the more likely God was to do something for the person being prayed for.  So if you were alone and had no one, then it was only your prayer and apparently that wasn't enough since God needs numbers of people praying.  And why does he require people to pray over and over again for the same thing.  It's like he expects people to beg for his assistance.  Some "father" he is.  Some relationship that is.

So, yeah, I'm a bit angry again.  I don't get how suffering makes people better or stronger or helps them to grow spiritually.  I know of several people out there in blogland who treat suffering as something to be desired.  If you're not suffering, you're not trying hard enough.  If you're not suffering, God isn't testing you.  And if you complain about suffering, you're committing a sin.  I remember one Bible study lesson about how complaining was a sin as big as adultery.

So..."God" rips your life in two, makes your life a living hell but if you complain about it, you're not being grateful.

I am so glad I escaped that destructive and evil religion.  And yeah, I'm aware that some Christians out there distance themselves from that kind of teaching and claim that those people aren't focusing on God's love, but they are fooling themselves into leaving out all the parts about massacres and killing of innocent children, the raping of women and such by that same "loving" God.


  1. Why can't people just admit to the mystery? It's shitty, it makes no sense and it hurts like hell. I can't stand this language either, Kathy. It makes me feel like a crazy person. It doesn't make a lick of sense. And like you say, it insists that people stuff their real feelings and emotions down and put on a happy face proclaiming for all the world to see how much they trust God. Gah!

  2. It's all about keeping people in their system. If you can control every aspect of their lives, including their ability to have emotions, you have them. I keep thinking about the Pearls' methods of child abusing where the kids have to maintain a happy face all the time because grumpy would be a sin. It's all about appearances.