Solstice plans

I still don't have the Christmas tree up.  It's not that I'm not enthusiastic about Christmas, it's that I'm not enthusiastic about decorating for Christmas.  I bought a $1 sign you stick in the ground that reads Happy Holidays and you can only see if you're standing a foot away from it.  It's still on the bookcase.  Hopefully tomorrow I'll get the tree up. Which is funny since all I every do after Christmas is wrap the already decorated tree in a black garbage bag and store it upstairs.  All I have to do is take the bag off and plug it in.  And I still can't be bothered to do that much.

I have other decorations, like my crocheted candles, my Frosty-the-snowman that my dad made.  And the reindeer he made, too.  And tons of garlands.  And this year, Zach asked for a new tree-topper since he doesn't like the star we've got.  It's for a full-size tree and ours is a table-topper so the tree tends to lean.  So I made a new God's Eye for the top of the tree.  He really liked it and since it is more in keeping with our perspective than a star, will make the tree a bit more meaningful.  I got rid of all my religious Christmas ornaments over the past couple of years...with Tom's consent, of course.  I wouldn't try to rob him of his perspective toward the holidays but since he's a fan of Christmas but not a fan of the religious aspects of Christmas, he didn't have any problems with it.

I'm still not sure what to do for Solstice but Zach and I decided that we'll exchange one gift each on the 22nd since that's mine and Tom's anniversary.  Our 25th this year, actually.  At one point I never would have given odds we'd last this long but I'm leaning toward the long haul now.  Anyway, this way we can celebrate the season of the Solstice without feeling like we're going through the motions or just moving Christmas to another day.  We'll open the rest of the presents on Christmas morning because Tom is the biggest kid of them all and wakes us up at ungodly hours so we can do that. We're also going to attend the family Christmas party for the first time in maybe 10 years.  I lost interest in them during my chemo period and just stopped going.  But now that I'm a Pagan, I'm feeling more like family since most of them aren't religious at all.  And one sister-in-law is eager to sit me down and find out about my journey.

I expect Solstice will be a nice meal and some kind of ritual welcoming back the sun.  I'm woefully behind on my reading so that might be a good day to set aside time for that.  I'm still finding my way, picking up things that merit saving, discarding things that no longer fit.  And not worrying about it; just going with my instincts.  I'm quite content with the gods I worship and the way I worship them, although I could do better.  But I'm not beating myself up about it.  Just letting the path unfold before me.

Today was a really blah day for me.  I had been productive lately, getting lots done at home, cooking better and being more frugal and attentive to my responsibilities.  It's been years since I've had that much energy, in fact.  But alas!  Today I woke up drained and spent the day in bed.  I should know those days will still be there and not feel bad about it.  I did manage to fix supper and do up the supper dishes.  I've never been able to accomplish that much before, not on a day like this.  I didn't manage to do much more than light my hearth candle and give a wave off to Hestia before crawling back into bed.  She seemed fine with it.

And I think a nice hot shower will make me feel more human, too.  Especially since tomorrow is an errand day.

More and more I'm realizing that my Pagan path is simply walking through each day, honoring the gods however feels right to me and being myself.  My true self. 

I like it.