Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Do I stay or do I go

Another fundie jumped in and said, very sweetly, that she wouldn't pray with us either because according to her bible (so as not to actually say according to her own beliefs), we were praying to Satan and so, of course, she couldn't pray to him. Then she went on to betray her lack of confidence in her own religion by saying she would always be wondering whose prayers got through.  But she said it in love, so what can I say?

Well, a lot actually, but I won't.  Because it's not my intention to dissuade her from her own beliefs or proselytize her to my way of thinking.  Nor is it my place to do either.  The gods call whom they will;  they don't tell me to make the phone calls for them.

But it does get old, the old Satan thing.  Unfortunately I did that when I was a fundie which is another reason I'm not going ape-shit on them.  I was just as obnoxious as they are being.  Even if they smile sweetly and tell me how much they love me because I do remember how we were taught to "tell the truth in love."  Which was christianese for telling people they were sinning big time and to stop the hell doing it.  With a smile.

So...for now they're talking about other stuff.  One woman is struggling with a son who probably has Tourette Syndrome and already knows he has ADHD and OCD, which become the triple run with TS.  It's a package deal.  A...trinity...if you will.  I told her the ADHD drugs will exacerbate the tics of people with TS which is part of her problem because her son's tics are so much worse on the meds.  So that was a good conversation.

I do like most of the women in the group and it's been great being back in touch with them so I probably will stay for now.  But I can't help feeling like I have to participate from the closet because my beliefs are offensive to some of them.  It's not that they're saying I shouldn't share my beliefs, but insinuating that I'm a Satan-worshiper really puts a damper on the conversation.

Being a recluse has kept me from dealing with these issue up until now and while part of me wants to bully through and tell them to shove it, I've got as much right to talk about my spiritual path, the better part of me tells me to just wear my beliefs closer to the vest and maintain a low spiritual path until the time is right.  So I will continue to sit on my hands until I feel welcome.  But if I never feel welcome, then maybe that isn't the group for me.



  1. Your sense of humor in this piece is hilarious. I laughed a lot.

  2. Thanks, Tana. I do genuinely like some of these fundies who are telling me I'm a Satan worshiper but it does get old. So I have to laugh because I'm too tired to cry. LOL

  3. I hear ya, DM. I'm leaving the group but I'll talk about it more in the next post. I had to cool off a bit before I could walk away with dignity. LOL