Tuesday, April 27, 2010

In which I panic first and then breathe

I had some very disconcerting moments yesterday when I discovered that someone I knew on facebook (and from my neck of the woods) had accessed this blog via my other, mundane blog. I'll admit I felt very uneasy because I could narrow it down to two people, both of whom were from my former, fundamentalist church. I don't know why it bothered me so much because I don't need their good opinion of me but I guess that's human nature.

In the long run, it's probably a good thing because it forces me to be honest with myself. I won't be outing myself to my husband any time soon because that's not a conversation I ever want to have, but at least I can be myself here on this blog.

I unfriended the person on facebook who was so disrespectful to me. Her "excuse" was that she was a blunt person and yes, she knew she needed to be more careful because her daughter had told her that, too, and yes, she would "examine" herself to find out where she needed to work on things. Trouble is, I've heard that from her for 14 years so I'm not interested in dealing with it anymore. I wonder sometimes if the "friends" from my former church (I put that in quotes because it's not like they tried to maintain the friendship when we left there ) friended me on fb in order to keep an eye on me. I am out there with my politics, after all.

Or I could just be paranoid.

I'm settling in to my path. I'm not inclined to pick a particular discipline but let my heart go where it will. I feel very drawn to nature and the gods and goddesses that are at home there. Druidism has some elements to it that appeal to me. Right now I just want to drift on the water and let the boat take me where it will.

I intend to get my tarot cards out and study them again. Plus I have in mind creating some Pagan jewelry and baby clothes and possibly set up them up to sell...either online or at a flea market. There are no consignment shops around here that would be a good outlet for Pagan crafts. Pretty fundie territory here.

I also want to learn crystals and runes. But as I'm not in a rush, those things will come as they will.

Today was a very busy day for me and also a day that let me know in no uncertain terms that I'm unhealthy and have a great need to remedy that. I need more than anything to pay attention to what is healthy and good and stop poisoning my body with stuff that makes me feel like crap.

But each day as it comes. And I need to stop being so hard on myself and let myself grow as I need to.

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