Coming to terms with healing

I decided today to open my blog completely to the public.  It's ridiculous that I'm hiding behind some kind of curtain afraid that someone I know in person might read and find out who I really am.  I'm not going to advertise it but I'm not going to hide it either.  If people don't like who I've become, they don't have to associate with me.  But they don't get to criticize me or try to change me either.

Beltane is coming up this weekend and I don't really have anything planned for it aside from getting some flowers planted and some work outside...weather permitting.  I have plans for a fairy garden/sanctuary on the back of the property, nearly hidden by bushes and trees.  I got some solar lights today to light up my little hideaway and will move those monster rocks up the hill sometime this weekend.  Actually it will probably take me a couple of weeks because there are many of them and they are mighty heavy.

I plan on having an outdoor altar there as well...just a few candles and some organic elements.  I'll move my Weber grill/fire pit out there as well so I can have small, cozy fires.  I suspect Tom will even like it as long as he doesn't figure out the Pagan elements of it. I've also got some tiki torches because we always have a fine crop of mosquitoes in these parts.  Tom wants to build bat houses to take care of that.  I'm not that keen on having them so close to the house though...diseases and all.

I'm seriously setting my mind toward getting healthy, too.  I do not take care of myself and that has a lot to do with some leftover elements from Christianity:  unworthiness, debasement, depravity, etc.  One of the nastier things about my life as a Christian...not being able to think of myself in positive terms.  No matter how much I was told that God loved me so much, it never overcame all the negative things about what a bad sinner I was.  I've still got a lot of healing to accomplish from those things that hurt me so much.  Such as how I'm supposed to put others first to the point that I'm not even in the equation at all.

Since I'm still overcoming the flu, I'm going to take myself to bed and start taking care of me and putting me first for once.