Friday, January 18, 2013

Testosterone overload

It's getting to me, the macho-heavy influence within heathenry.  I could live in isolation, not frequent any groups and keep myself from reading all the bullshit but I get lonely and want to be with people who share my interests.  The Norse women group is great but not very chatty and most of them are Vanir anyway.  I'm just tired of everything having to be manly and heroic.  I'm tired of the strutting.

I ignore it all up to a point and then I just get mad.  There are a lot of war-mongerers within heathenry and seem to think they are the rule and not the exception.  They probably are.  But I'm not.  I'm not a pacifist; war can be a necessary evil.  But evil it is.  And I really do hate the affiliation with people who seem to think that might makes right.  All the time.  It's sad because there are heathens out there I really do admire.  I just wonder if it's a lost cause for me to continue to pursue this path when I have to keep blinders on all the time to avoid the elements that I really detest along the way.

Plus my political leanings are definitely liberal and I don't seem to fit in with the pro-gun crowd.  There was a leftist heathen group offered on Facecrack but when I got there they didn't consider liberals leftists so I got out of there.  They seemed more like anarchists, which is not my thing at all.  And while I do realize that many Hellenic polytheists tend to be conservative, they don't seem to be as radically so.

And yes, the Greeks are whispering in my ear again, seducing me with their more peaceful and serene practices.  No drunken brawls for me.  No chest-pounding.  No glorification of war.  Just peaceful streams and green groves.

I just don't know.  I'm not making any decisions right now, especially while I'm aching for a relationship with the gods. I know I'm vulnerable in this way.  Still, paying a shitload of money for books isn't a reason to stay the course, which is a huge motivator for me to keep pursuing the heathen path.  I already own much more in the way of Hellenic and Roman materials because I have collected that stuff all my life but haven't spent any money in the past year or so on them.

I do have a small altar set aside for the Greeks because I have always loved them in a way.  I just don't know that I'm in love with them.  But I'm definitely not in love with the Anglo Saxon gods either.  Not even sure if I love them at all yet.

I'm really tired of this indecision.



  1. There is no place for detest in a path. In my path anyway. I think the "learning" part of your Spirituality is a roadblock for you.

    All of these opinions to your posts I am giving are just that. Opinions, they're like assholes....everyone has one.

    1. DG, I love ya! Your opinions are always welcome here. I spent a lot of time last night thinking and weighing it all out. It was like therapy, only cheaper. :)

      I'll figure out these roadblocks and learn how to break through them. I have to.

  2. As much as you know I dislike being negative to you, the Greeks are hardly a serene bunch in my own experience. Thats one of the things I love about them ;)

    1. Serene was probably not the best choice of words. LOL! No, I do love them for their boisterousness and love of life. They are just not as testosterone driven. Or at least their adherents aren't and I love that about them.